The International Writers Magazine - Our Tenth Year: Reality Check + Readers Letters

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Where have you gone Muhammad Ali? • James Campion Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. - Aldous Huxley A-Rod shamed the game. Bud Selig, Commissioner of Baseball and architect of the shutting down of the entire sport and eventual cancellation of the World Series in 1994

Whenever the shit hits the fan in the arena of sport, I miss Muhammad Ali. I miss his defiance, elegance and grit. Mostly, I miss his balls, those massive steel things he would wave in the face of opponents, the press, Howard Cosell, or the United States government, as in 1966 when Ali refused what was likely to be a pathetic dog-and-pony sideshow for the Pentagon in South East Asia, tantamount to an Elvis tour of American celebrity. That's how Ali saw his 1960 Gold Medal. It was how he shed his Christian moniker for queer religious fervor. Ali told the U.S. Army and its soon-to-be disastrous Viet Nam campaign to walk. It cost him his title, four years of his prime, and what all ego-mad jocks crave, mass love and admiration.

    What do you think Ali would think now of the vilification of Alex Rodriquez and Josh Phelps in the shadow of so much corruption, greed and hyperbole? These incoherent rambling apologies for drug use; one to enhance performance in a sport drenched in chemical experimentation for more than thirty years, the other to get high like nearly every other twenty-something kid. You think maybe Ali would have pointed out the hypocrisy of it all, more than half a century of drug use in every professional and amateur sport both diminishing and enhancing performances. You think Ali may have pointed out that the drug laws in this country are wrong-headed and atavistic? Or you think maybe he might have shed light on the millions of dollars earned on the blood and sweat of young men, many of whom never asked to be gods?

    My guess is yes to all of the above. Ali would not have gone down quietly, like a docile performing seal bowing to the disingenuous moral outrage from a braying fan base, which cares only about winning no matter how it gets done. He certainly wouldn't take it from those who clamor for Herculean athletic achievement even when its fabrications are patently obvious. And then there is the predictably brain numbing sports media that loves to shake the collective head and wag an accusing finger while enticing us with images of savage violence, self-promoting theatrics and juvenile behavior over and over and over and over again. And of course there is, as always, the sometimes faceless but always bottom line bankrollers of these fiascos who dare to engender sympathy for being "duped".

    I think Ali would have found the ironical humor in words like "cheat", "fraud", "behavior", and "besmirching" tumbling forth from the holier-than-thou keepers of high-tech showbiz that has long been tarnished by decades of illegal and unconscionable activities. How in the world does the Olympic Committee, one of the most corrupt and disastrously run institutions in the world, get off suspending a kid for smoking pot? Where does anyone from Major League Baseball, proud abusers of civil rights and openly celebrated indentured servitude for half a century, get off judging its players for steroid use?

    Ali would have been thrilled to tell you that the ones who cry the loudest are the guiltiest. They are all too willing to cast shame as far as they can to avoid the collateral damage. This is how things go in the American sport landscape, where boys become millionaires playing a goofy sport we're all supposed to worship as religion, hand over our money and attention to as if robots so we can claim dominion over its history and ownership of its participants.

    You would think these guys raped puppies or planned the overthrow of the free world. It's goddamned jocks doing jockey things like bending rules to get an edge or blowing off steam: Gaylord Perry spit-balling his way into the Hall of Fame or the 1951 N.Y. Giants using telescopes to spy on opposing team's signs or Doc Gooden and Lawrence Taylor jacked up on mountains of blow. Many wonder what a keg of beer and a pound of bratwurst could have done to assist the Bambino's home run orgy in 1927 or if Doc Ellis' famous acid-drenched no-hitter would add to the annals of baseball lore.

    You know if Ali had been any of those guys, let alone Josh Phelps, he would have said, "Shit yeah, I smoke dope, and guess what? I have more gold medals than any human. Fuck Weaties, get a hold of some Master Afghani Kush and you too can achieve greatness!"

    Lord knows Ali would not have let the powers that be trample all over his civil rights, leaking anonymous tests used by the most powerful union in the nation to keep the richest sport on the planet from its lab rats. He may have been inclined to look one of those locker room groupies with a pen and pad right in the eye and ask them, "What would you do without me and the New York fucking Yankees sad sack? My guess is you'd be bagging groceries in a beer fog wishing your parents would add a separate heat zone to the basement."

       People always ask me why I name Ali and Joe Namath as my lasting sports heroes. Ali is well documented, and Namath will forever have a place in my heart for all he accomplished on and off the field evolving the landscape of pro sport, its celebrity and its transcendence in pop culture, but also because he refused to eat shit. After almost single-handedly achieving the merger of two gigantic money-printing leagues by his sheer greatness and unmatched star power, the newly forged conglomerate demanded he sell his bar on the Upper East Side of Manhattan because known mobsters allegedly frequented it. Namath told the National Football League to go fuck itself and retired at the pinnacle of his career. Of course the league came begging for his return, because like A-Rod, it was nothing but a bunch of slobbering brutes ramming themselves together in Neanderthal scrums without him.

    I guess it is too much to ask for titans like Ali and Namath to be around when the next round of petty bullshit is blown up to symbolize the end of civilization, but the saddest part of it all is this slave-like mentality to trade truth for the almighty buck and another fifteen minutes of fame.

Readers Letters: 23 02.2009
Brilliant. (THE BOGUS BATTLE FOR CHRISTMAS -- Issue:12/24/08) The only thing lacking from the report was the Black Friday death toll, which, unlike the retail sales figures, rose to 3 this year. One got trampled at a Long Island Wal-Mart, the other two shot each other at a Palm Desert Toys-R-Us while arguing over something which may or may not have been Christmas-related.
    These incidents beg the question: Are we imitating Baghdad, or are its inhabitants imitating us?
Brad Morrison

Wow. Wonderfully cynical and right on the money, as usual. I am always curious to how you are able to simultaneously mock a subject with such cold ruthlessness, while still enthusiastically defending its merits. This is a talent the likes of which simply does not exist in the realm of normal column writing. It is almost an art form unto Campion alone.
    I remain, as always, amazed at the Reality Check zigzag. There is a patent in there somewhere. I know it.
Alison Chetnick

You are a sick and sad man. I pray for your soul, such as it is. Do you find nothing in this world worth a shit? Are you so damaged and petulant an ass that you must ruin everything for everyone that reads your miserable crap? I have so many questions, many of which I doubt can be answered by anyone but a strict Freudian. Have you ever sought help or learned council on these misguided -- nay! - morbid tunnels you dig for yourself each week? It is a pathetic showing, this untrue outrage you scribble weekly. It appears more and more fraudulent as is your cranky cynicism. Most of all it is becoming tiresome, even for someone who is as weary of holidays and the usual innocuous march of human endeavor as I am. I have met my match. And I am sorrier for it.
Sincerely,
Francis Naroum

Oh knock it off!!!! (OH-NINE: THE YEAR OF THE GUILTY -- Issue: 12/31/09) Gimme a break, it was you and your Obama tools talking about the high hopes he has and now even you are dumbing down expectations. Yep....get 'em elected. That's what it's all about.
   Obama is the Messiah, the Great Hope that will make the world love us again. The man said it himself...under an Obama Presidency, the seas will lower. Pretty hefty expectations by the man's own standards wouldn't you agree? Now he and his people want to downplay expectations?!?!?! No way, buddy. Your buddy came to town riding the Change and Great Expectations pony and he is stuck with it because we are going to call him on it every fucking day of his Presidency.
    As for Caroline "I will use Camelot when it suits me" Kennedy or Andrew "My pop used to be important" Cuomo we don't need a bunch politico siblings taking up the mantle of birthright qualification for holding office.
    Enough...we get what we pay for and right now we seem to be paying for crap. Someday we may learn...right now it doesn't seem so.
Peace,
Bill Roberts

Sir,
To defend Blago is to dance upon the slimmest of reeds. I know! I know! You didn't defend him as much as his right to do the job he is elected to do, as you defended each and every horror show G.W. Bush perpetuated on this nation with your, "Every president does it!" nonsense. I think it's time you own up to your negation of all plausible thought in hopes that this world of politics, or this world in general, will prove you right - that everything sucks and that everyone sucks equally. It is equal opportunity sucking. And you are proud to be able to comment on it, as if it makes you better for having pointed out the obvious, the flaws and indiscretions of authority. It is your own private shooting gallery. "Step right up and see how many slimy, lying bastards I can shoot down with every possible noteworthy observation!"
    I know your conciliatory differentiation, or as you put it, the chasm between straight editorials and observation: You see this exercise of yours as a scientific experiment on us silly humans.
    So high and mighty. You and Blago deserve each other.
Eliza Z.

Mr. Campion:
In reference to (MR. BURRIS GOES TO WASHINGTON -- Issue: 1/14/09) - you are in great form and 100% accurate!
    Yes, let's be honest at all levels and in all cities.
Mack in South Carolina

James, my friend-
I wanted to tell you how much I loved your column today.  I read it on the train and got some great chuckles.  See, you're not anti-Republican.  You're anti-everyone!  Keep up the good work.
Rob Astorino

HOORAY FOR CAMPION!!
    This column, thanks to its brave and astute author, is the only place where I can ever read honestly about the hypocrisy of our times. It is definitely the ONLY place where anyone EVER has the guts to point out that Ted Kennedy is a murderer; plain and simple, and everyone just glosses over this. What???? Because it was a long time ago? Because he's a Kennedy? Because he has given his life to civil service???
    His face makes me sick. He is a drunk, a canard, a pusillanimous phony jackass, and it pleases me no end to see it in print by such a hard-nosed true believer in all-things American!
    And also, good shot on Tom Delay who is also a criminal.
    Don't give up the fight!
Roger The Dodger

Mr. Campion:
I agree with your assessment 100%.  The Legislature's hypocrisy is showing.   Lawfully admitting Burris to the Senate and Impeaching Blagojevich are two wholly separate situations.  I don't even understand why there is a discussion going on at all, except that Harry Reid is a suck-ass.
Jonathan Young
North Kingstown, RI

Roland Burris has every right to be senator without all the moral outrage and finger pointing garbage offered by the rest of congress, which has its own collective problem beyond who they "allow" to join. And thank you for pointing out that whatever handbook these charlatans were using does not jibe with The Facts. How in the frigging world Harry Reid can go on Meet The Press and state that senators decide who can join their sacred body is beyond belief. Where was the mighty journalistic pride of the National Broadcasting Company when that offensive gobblygook was being spewed forth with no rebuke or consequence?
TCB 90912

© James Campion Feb 23rd 2009
realitycheck@jamescampion.com

Vox Stimuli
James Campion
What is transpiring throughout the world economy is about survival now. It is not about ideology or theory or political one-upsmanship. There is no longer room for heroes, only villains.

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