BARRY ON BARRY
• The Barry Mitchel interview

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Alright, we’re back. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you without any further adieu, the man the myth, the non-living legend himself, you know him we love him, ladies and gentlemen, Barry Mitchell.
Barry Welcome to Be Yourself. How are you?
Great. Or should I say Greatttt. Hey thanks for having me on man. This is really cool. Some set up. Was here about a year ago, snuck up on you one day, you were like broadcasting from this little cubby hole, closet studio if you will, and I’m thinkin’ what are you nuts? Don’t answer that. So yeah this is totally cool. You’ve come a long way baby.
Ya got 3 studios now. Aha. Very impressive my friend. Really professional looking. Didn’t know you stood the whole time. Hey this mike’s really cool. Look ya can swivel it, rotate it up and down.
Can you calm down a little guy?
Can’t help it barr, never been on radio before. I’m a little excited. Is that so wrong?
Alright Let’s all settle down.
I had some caffeine I’ll admit it.
This interview reminds me of the scene in Blazing Saddles (sniff). No not that scene. The scene with Cleavon Little and he puts his own gun to his throat saying, “One mo’ step and the nigger gets it. I mean it”.

Did it kill you to move to Florida in the middle of 11th grade, I mean you lived in Philadelphia your whole life. All the friends, surroundings, things you were used to. Then all of a sudden you move to Florida where you bring the average age down to 78 in your apartment, go to an all boys catholic school no less, did it rip your heart out or whattt?
Dang, you are good boy. How Jew find that out. Now that’s a great question. Lull me to sleep and them boom. Finally. Took you 15 minutes, but ya got one in. Touche my friend. Anything else or that’s it.
That’s it.
Give me somethin’ else man.
Waddya mean?
That’s too personal.
Too personal, why ya doin’ the show then. Too personal?
Ah Senator, the delegate from Jerusalem is badgering the guest your honor.
To the best of my recollection I remember half of my Bar Mitzvah speech.
Married at an early age, madly in love?
That might be pushin’ it.
Shotgun involved?
Well I think we all make choices in life. Always tried to be Mr. Responsibility. Always got overly conscientious marks in school. So yeah, I guess the first 6 years were okay, then it took a down hill turn, quickly. I don’t know, ya kind of drift apart, develop different interests.
Of course upbringings, environments come in to play. Contrasting ways of looking at the serious issues of life. Very, very difficult proposition marriage. Definitely 24/7 squared.
Hindsight, would you do it again?
With her?
No with the blankin’ pope, moron.
Could I still have the 2 best kids in the world without doing it?
Judges, (beep sound). No Barry they’re saying you couldn’t. (sigh)Ya really make it tough Barr. Guess I’d have to chagrin to yes.
Can’t have the cake and eat it too.
Recently got an eeee, if the name of the show is “Be Yourself”, why did you change your name. I mean isn’t that hypocritical?
Another deep question. Interesting. I’d have to answer that by saying, well uh, yeah. I’d have to say it’s hypocritical. Many reasons obviously, started calling “Hollywood” marketing the now defunct Waddya Wanna Do? show in 1992, didn’t want to be spelling my real name, zzyigrynasinky all the time. Long distance charges and what not. That’s H y z e r, no, I said e r, ... So I thought what name sounded funny, networkish, easy to pronounce, and uh Barry Mitchell just popped into my head one day. Plus I had delusions of grandeur, like one day I’d actually make it to a huge station or even beyond god forbid, dare I say NBC or the BBC, get to the top, and then people like Howard Stern would make fun of the BM initials which I thought would be even greater publicity. Know what I’m sayin’?
Hypocritical on the one hand and strategic tactical campaign on the other.
Read where you’re 50,000 dollars in debt.
55.
Says 50 in the paper.
Ya believe everything you read?
Alright fine, whatever. $55,000 in debt, what the hell’s the difference. You have no money, no job, bills galore, no end in sight, how’s that feelin’ these days… better than sex, not as good. Barry, you okay?
Ya look a little pale, kid. Seriously at this point in time, at this juncture, may I help you? Love to say that. Is suicide, in fact, the only way out?
Well I think that you have to continue to believe in yourself, in your talents, no matter what the odds and eventually you will succeed.
Do me a favor Barry, next time you’re at the grocery store son, write that on your check. Instead of 148 bucks, write “I Believe in My Talents” okay. Just make like 100 copies of it so you can send it to the mortgage company, electric, phone, insurance. Maybe put down on the space they give for what the check is for, put down, “I’m a really good person, too”. That ‘ll help ya kid. Two words and two words only.
Oy Vey. Two more words. Mental Helpppp.

Heavy on the Mental. Seek it out. Not a second to lose. You too, need a team in Vienna, at the university level. We’ve run out of time Barry, thank you soooo much for coming on.
Quickly now, before you leave for the hovel, worst thing you ever did?
Worst thing?
What is there an echo here? Feel like I’m talkin’ to myself? Yeah is that so tough.
Worst thing I ever did. Let’s see. I remember when I was like 15 and we used to have two phone lines in the house. So I was downstairs and I called my mother’s line upstairs and when she answered I said, “Mrs. Mitchell, this is the hospital, your son’s been in a terrible car accident, he’s…” And before I could say he’s in intensive care she’s like crying hysterically. So I say mom, it’s barry, it’s me, I’m kidding, Calm Down, I’m downstairs, I’m fine.
And uh, she almost killed me. Needless to say the “f” word was flying.
Big time. So yeah that, uh had to be the most despicable thing I ever did.
Devil Voice
And that’s the reason you’ve been plagued ever since. The curse of the mother, coming December 7th to a theatre near you, from Castlerock.
On that note, I’m Barry Mitchell,
No I’m Barry Mitchell.
And until next time, Be Yourself. Laytah…
© Barry Mitchell 2001

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