The International Writers Magazine:Reality Check
DELAY ROAD KILL
Remember Trent Lott? Everyone loved
him. Especially Republicans.
He was the face and breath of the GOP Washington comeback, a steely-eyed
straight-laced God Boy in the mold of the New Right. But then
he uttered some questionable observations about a celebrated racist
fossil named Strom Thurmond, things about how if Thurmond has
been elected president a hundred or so years ago we wouldnt
have all these problems around here, or some other ridiculous
ranting. Then he was gone.
as the French would say; histoire like another Republican champion by
the name of Newt Gingrich. Now we have Tom Delay. He soon will be gone.
But it doesnt matter, Republican or Democrat. They have more waiting
in the wings. There is always someone else, like that "Body Snatchers"
movie. They grow them somewhere, mostly the university law programs,
specifically in the south where they produce political manure with toothless
abandon. And, lets face it; we cannot help but vote for these
guys. Shit, I cant get enough of covering them. We are blindly
smitten with slick talking greasy-haired power ties telling us were
immoral slobs while they launder funds and redistrict all over the joint
to fix the game.
So now Tom Delay, after about two-dozen ethics charges against him in
as many years, acts like Bill Clinton, the man he hates. And, of course,
we get the predictable hemming and hawing and PR trips to FOX NEWS,
where he acts like Rubin Hurricane Carter. "I was framed!"
Yes, he is a victim. And Ill be playing centerfield for the Yankees
next season. Delay, for his part, is quite good at defending himself.
He ought to be. He does it an awful lot. If he were a crack head or
a sex addict, it would be more interesting. But he is a cheater, and
we dont like cheaters, unless they cheat for us. And Delay only
seems interested in cheating for his own gain. That aint cool.
And unless you consider being the Majority House Leader above the law
or a case of earning the right to screw the system, then chances are
you have seen the last of Tom Delay. Just like Trent Who? and the other
white-haired piker who is now a pundit or a cast member of A Surreal
This is what happens in Washington. Its like High School. You
get one fuck up, then you are branded, and then you cant get the
good pot or a descent date. Youre ostracized. But Delay had to
see it coming. Hes been around awhile. Once he got all preachy
and dumb during the Terri Schiavo case he had a target on his back.
No one likes strangers directing their destiny in speeches. People actually
prefer cheaters to those who tell them how to run their lives. This
is a country built on violent reprisal for those who try and tell us
how to run our lives. Look it up. Its all a matter of permanent
The other prime reasons Delay is a doomed man are the recent rumblings
about Senate Majority Leader, Bill Frists insider trading like
a riverboat gambler. The Frist thing is sketchy, but turns up the heat
on who the party will inevitably turn its back on. Someone has to be
thrown from the ship. Its taking on water and theres another
Supreme Court nominee to consider and an election 13 months away. The
presidents approval ratings are at an all-time low and the Katrina
disaster had the federal government, whether fair or not - and momma
told me life is anything but fair - looking like a gaggle of lazy, confused
dunderheads. Then there is the not-so mysterious case of Bill Bennett.
Bennett, a former Reagan poof and Drug Czar for a nation swimming in
drugs, is the Empower America, rid the world of smut and rock music
dickweed who was busted a few years ago failing to make good on monstrous
gambling loses. Apparently he is one of a trillion rightwing criminals
(G. Gordon Liddy, Ollie North) with a radio show. Actually, everyone
has a radio show. I would check your calendar; youre on in ten
minutes. Anyway, this jabbering buffoon told a caller last week that
although abortion is a sin and an abomination, it might just reduce
the crime rate if more black children were aborted. Now although I despise
everything about Bennett, and, of course, think his projection of unborn
criminals spuriously inaccurate, despite glaring numbers that some 70%
of crimes are committed by African Americans, I admittedly have espoused
in this space that there are not enough abortions; black, white, green
or otherwise. And anyone shocked or in disagreement with this statement
should take a ride on a New York subway or drive through downtown Baltimore
or check out some parts of the southeast of the republic. Either that
or watch more television for the best examples of how accelerated abortion
trends could benefit the national gene pool. Then again, we wouldnt
have to listen to Bill Bennetts nonsense if someone had been prescient
enough to dump his fetus into the toilet. But I digress considerably.
The deal is about to go down for Delay, win or lose. This war in Iraq
has reached a Lewis Carroll kind of bizarre. I half expect the Walrus
to show up at these Senate hearings. In fact, I think Donald Rumsfeld,
who apparently has nude pictures of the Bush girls, which hes
successfully used to bribe our Boy President to keep his job, may actually
be the Walrus. Goo goo g' joob.
Alas, Delay will be allowed to stick around. They all are one way or
the other, arent they? But his wings are effectively clipped.
His days of pontificating are all but through. Hell probably beat
one or two of these raps on technicalities and other law-speak loop
holes, collect a paycheck and look smart, but as far affecting the national
political landscape...that ship has left the dock without him. And for
now, I guess, it will have to do.
© James Campion October 10th 2005
also Deep Throat and other
stories in our Comment
Legal - the case for drugs
We Want Bolton
Den of Iniquity
Rove - superhero
Castro must Die!
Solutions for Oil Gouging
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