New Travel Book Except: How To Move To Mexico
to Move to Mexico with Most of Your Pets and Other Companions By
can take some strange turns when youre discussing the move
to Mexico. For instance, what shall we do about Spot and Fluffy?
Or Tweety? And then the subjects of companionship, loyalty, affection,
adoration, obedience, cleanliness, and a multitude of other related
issues worm their way into the conversation. Then the discussion
often returns to the subject of smelly beasts. Which is how the
monkey came up. I cant give you a specific or precise report
on exactly when or how the fuzzy little booger became the primary
focus, but once it was on the table there was no turning back.
I mean its
not like I ever pay any attention to it any more. I couldnt guess
how long its been since I even touched the thing. And technically
its not really mine anyway. Plus its kinda ratty and flea-bitten
and stinky and way past its prime, and the last one I had ended up making
a big mess in my bed, so leaving this one is all for the best as far
as Im concerned. The other one? She ran out of the jungle by Camp
Tien Sha one morning in sixty-six and scampered up my leg and draped
herself across my shoulder as I was coming in off patrol. I kept her
for two days and in that time she managed to wet my bed, pee on my COs
starched and pressed fatigue-covered shoulder, poop in my lap, and spray
a fairly substantial mist on the guy in the bunk below mine. The Marine
who bought her seemed to be quite pleased with both her and her filthy
personal habits. We sailors remain fastidious even when forced to live
in proximity to those rowdy guys.
Obviously the Mexican government and I see eye to eye on the subject
of monkeys crossing the border either way. I say why bother, and they
say definitely no, unless youre a researcher or licensed importer.
However, there are a number of other lifeforms you can bring across
the border and actually tote back with you if you decide to leave for
whatever reason. Say youre a snowbird. Or you have a really short
attention span. Or you happen to mess up and get involved with a married
woman. Or a single one who wants to change status. But back to the less
dangerous creatures for a few minutes.
Its not like this is a really complicated process guys. Say you
want to bring your dog or cat with you when you come down. I didnt
have that option because it seems that every woman who sends me packing
insists on keeping my pets and my bank account. I just waited til
I got here and picked two kittens out of an assortment of eleven in
a box at a private animal shelter, and shortly thereafter I was gifted
with a one-eyed hand-me-down shaggy dog and thirteen thousand fleas.
No evident pedigrees in the crowd but I suspect their bloodlines might
be at least as distinguished as mine. After all, they dont have
to pry information from aged toothless cousins twice removed about the
alleged lascivious behavior of great-grandma.
Mine was evidently a real stepper. While sergeant great-grandpa was
locked up by the Yankees during the late War of Northern Aggression
she managed to get some of the newer kids tapped into the native American
blood stock. And on the other side we get to claim kin to Luke Short,
the Pinkerton detective and weasel. You can stop and read the newspaper
clippings posted in the Ft. Worth stockyards area next time youre
in town. Reportedly he backshot City Marshal Longhair Jim Courtright
right out in front of the White Elephant Saloon in broad daylight back
in the wilder and woollier days.
But we were discussing you and your own animals werent we? Heres
how easy it can be. Call a local veterinarian and ask if he or she has
a blank Interstate and International Certificate of Health. If so, arrange
to take Screechy, Scabby or Jacques Golden Queen Canadien in to
get a check-up and clearance just before you leave town headed south.
Theoretically this paper must be issued within 72 hours of the time
you reach the Mexican border. Ive been unable to find anyone who
admits to having been asked for it, but you should never anticipate
any variations from the written word. You should also never anticipate
that the written word actually means what it says, or will be interpreted
in any sane or rational manner on either side of any border.
Youre also supposed to have a pet vaccination certificate showing
that Gimpy and Drooley have been inoculated against rabies, hepatitis,
pip and leptospirosis.
If they do ask, the long, festering scratches on your face and arms
will not convince the Customs officials that your animals were actually
inoculated. As a matter of fact they may cause you problems in trying
to cross the border. Some aduana officials might feel that anyone crazy
enough to try to restrain a cat while someone else shoves needles into
it is a bit too unstable to be let loose in Mexico.
The law says youre supposed to have proof of these inoculations.
In this matter I recommend erring on the side of caution. And using
a vet who has a sack to stick the cat in during "treatment",
although even thats not always effective. The last time, and I
really need to stress the last time, I bathed Max I had him tightly
wrapped in a towel until he felt the water on his furry little feline
frame. In less than nine seconds he was free and still mostly dry and
I was looking for some alcohol to clean the numerous deep wounds that
suddenly appeared on various parts of my body. But back to your problems
The US State Department says that youll be charged a fee when
you and the menagerie hit the border. They also said "No need to
get Reno and Justice involved; everybody will have forgotten all about
that Cuban kid by lunch tomorrow".
Load em up, head em out.
may have a pet carrier or cage for those critters or you may let
them run wild in the car as youre hurtling down the highway
hoping they dont distract you at an inopportune moment. You
may have them attached to a long rope so they can run alongside
for the exercise. Maybe you have them strapped across the hood so
you can keep an eye on them. From past experience I can assure you
that most of them will usually thwart any attempt at gracefully
moving them over great distances. Pirata is a good traveler, and
some of my semi-honest friends claim the same about their pups,
but unless you´ve already taken extended journeys with your
pets and know their travel habits, I suggest you devise some way
to restrict their movement.
far as cats are concerned, I have only four words. Tranquilizers. Strong.
That spazzy little bird? No problema. I read somewhere that someone
said that you can legally bring four canaries into the country. If youre
planning on transporting four canaries down here I suggest that you
first go to bed in a very dark and quiet room for several days and reassess
your entire life. Or move to Sonora. I wont be living there.
You know youre going to let Tweety have free run of the interior
of the car while in transit. Thats how you bird people are. One
of three things may happen. Your bride lets the window down for just
a sec to shoo an insect away and you react to her scream and look over
just as Tweetys butt makes its last appearance in your life as
he disappears through that slit. You slam on the brakes as youre
looking over your shoulder to see which direction hes flying;
your right front tire slips off the pavement, and the Volvo flips end
over end twenty-three times.
Or, Tweetys flitting about the interior, enjoying the trip, when
suddenly he tires. Oh look! Heres a perch; right on Dads
face. Hes a tiny parrot, this rare Egyptian Speckle Headed Asp
Killer, but his talons are long. And sharp. As he lands gently on the
bridge of your nose, feet fully spread for a good grip, you swat wildly
to alleviate the torturous pain, and as you do you swerve just a bit
to the right. Your right front tire slips off the pavement, and the
Volvo flips end over end twenty-three times.
Or as youre hurrying through that miserably hot strip of desert
real estate, Tweety falls into a swoon. Quickly you snatch him up to
administer avian CPR because your spouse of the past thirty-two years
is rhythmically screeching "Do something! Do something!" and
as you bend to the task, something both the AAA and the CAA advise against
at any speed above zero, your right front tire slips off the pavement
and the Volvo flips end over end twenty-three times.
There is actually a small chance that youll make it down here
with folks, pets, and Volvo intact. I lost way too much on the Trinidad
- de la Hoya fight, so I'm sitting out betting on this one. I don't
care what the odds are.
Assuming you actually get those little darlings down here, what can
you expect? Lets run down the list. Youve probably heard
the stories about how at worst the Mexicans mistreat animals, and at
best are apathetic towards them. Sometimes. Maybe. It all depends. There
are two sides to this question and the gringos dont always fare
too well either but right now lets just concentrate on whats
available in Mexico to you and Scratchy and Fishbreath and Moldy. In
most towns of even moderate size youll have at least a couple
of vets, and maybe a groomer or two. If not, the vets usually shampoo
Sometimes the cuts look a bit odd. Sometimes they even embarrass the
dogs. The vet is never embarrassed. His hair usually looks really good
because he can shop around, and can afford to pay for a decent cut,
but youre stuck with whatever his skill level may be. Just as
in the US or Canada or Taiwan or Ethiopia, skill levels and dedication
vary. Ask the locals who they use and make your decision accordingly.
If you see a really hilarious styling job make damn sure you find out
who committed the crime.
All the services are available. Ive had animals spayed and neutered;
I have friends who have had to take both dogs and cats in for dental
work; I personally know of three dogs who received chemotherapy down
here; and other surgeries are routinely performed. Pirata had one eye
surgically removed after it had somehow been displaced and damaged.
No problems. One friend had a carcinoma cut from her whippet. No problems.
As far as food is concerned, it all depends on where you live. In various
places youll find Iams, Science Diet, Waltham (Whiskas and Pedigree),
Alpo, Purina, Diamond and Hagen, as well as several other Mexican and
European brands. And there are plenty of carnecerias. Higado is liver.
Hueso means bone. You can also further explain yourself if youre
paranoid. Para mis perros, if you suspect he thinks youre really
going to use them for dinner, which Ive done. Some butchers will
strip that bone cleaner than a surgeons fingers, but others will
leave enough to feed three dinner guests. Just dont brag about
the low cost of the main dish. If you ask for dog bones and the carnicero
barks, smiles and goes to the back to retrieve a different slab of meat,
flee. And never return.
Youll be able to find kitty litter, although the next person who
says anything close to "Is it clumping?" anywhere within my
range of hearing had better be wearing track spikes and be proficient
in their use. Get a grip, people. A cat is gonna poop and pee in this
stuff. Period. If youre that concerned about clumping capabilities
you should probably stay a lot closer to your therapist. Daily round
trips from Morelia or even Monterrey are going to really wreck that
Youll have a wide choice of leashes, choke chains, whips, quirts,
harnesses, muzzles, collars and other assorted goodies, and theyre
available in a variety of colors and materials. They also make the same
types of products for your pets.
All the standard medications are available. My critters are all nationals
and get their vaccinations locally. Sometimes I even ask the vet to
give me one too. Hey, hepatitis is hepatitis.
Fleas are pulgas and ticks are garrapatas. Flea and tick sprays, shampoos
and powders are widely available, although Ive never understood
why anyone would want a pulga or a garrapata for a pet, nor how they
groom something that small and disgusting.
If you insist upon bringing a bird, and keep in mind that his brain
is smaller than a pimple, youll find cuttle bones, seed, water
disinfectant drops, toys, cages, mirrors, bells, the whole nine yards.
Just dont plan on legally taking a bird back north. Not the one
you brought down, not the one you might buy down here, not the one you
found in the yard and nursed back to health, nada! It can be legally
done but unless that little bundle of fluff lays golden eggs, is talented
enough to open for Wayne Newton, or is a close blood relative, it might
not be worth the effort and expense.
If youre determined to bring Molt Master with you, and if you
return north for some reason and want to bring him along, you need to
go to the US Customs Service website at http://www.customs.ustreas.gov/travel/travel.htm
and to the US Department of Agriculture website at
http://www.aphis.usda.gov/NCIE/ind-3000.html for the official rules
and costs. There seem to be only two places which are equipped to deal
with the processing of your birds, and there appears to be a considerable
investment of time involved. Check it out. Canadians will also want
to look at the Canadian Food Inspection Agency website at http://www.inspection.gc.ca.
At present there are fees for bringing your animals and birds back into
Canada, as well as a minimum forty-five day quarantine period for birds,
although they might let you quarantine that little disease toter at
your house. You can look at http://canadaonline.about.com/cs/customs
for even more bad news.
Thats about it for now buckaroos. Come on down, bring lots of
feathered and furred friends, or maybe consider adopting some down here,
and enjoy life as it should be lived. You shouldnt have many problems,
assuming that she really does sell that monkey.
His Email: email@example.com
This is an excerpt from Dons new book Head for Mexico --- The
Available at http://www.trafford.com/robots/02-0375.html and at www.amazon.com
© Don Adams
2002 (*This except
all rights reserved