International Writers Magazine: The Spanish Viewpoint
God We Trust
I am ranting and raving over the state of the universe, usually
directing my verbal abuse during conversations with my wife, she
never says a word. She continues to devour yet another of Noah Gordons
novels without bating an eyelid. That is until yesterday. Mother
Nature is warning us all! She said. Wow! My mental soundtrack
came to a halt. Within seconds my images of Bush bashing Obama whilst
Hillary looked on were erased in a flash. In old fashion British
Raj style I answered, I beg your pardon?
I said, Mother
Nature is warning us. Just add it all up. Nothing is working. Something
supreme is happening! She went back to her novel.
Puzzled, flabbergasted, speechless, I began to recap. My wife is a staunch
Roman Catholic but when we got married I found out that I had originally
been baptised as a Scottish Presbyterian although, by mistake, I took
first communion at the age of 12 as an Anglican. I was real confused!
The marrying priest took it all in good faith; pardon the pun, despite
the bureaucratic rigmarole that I had to go through to prove that I
was not hitched before, lest I commit bigamy in Francos catholic
dominated Spain. Since then and to this day, she regularly goes to Mass
and I only attend weddings or funerals. Drop the laughter! Im
not Hugh Grant. We never discuss religion nor disagree on the basics
of Christianity. She believes in the Vaticans God and I believe
in some kind of Almighty that somehow is responsible for the havoc were
in today. That is until now.
Maybe shes right! Whats the difference between Mother Nature
and God? Dont they belong to the same football league? Arent
they one of the same? The world is in a mess, right? Humanity has somehow
gone berserk. No need to go into details as the world media, Internet,
governments, and my wifes parish priest is constantly on about
it, right? Shrinks, philosophers, economic gurus and my next door neighbour
have all got their own theories as to what has gone wrong, right? So
lets forget about the daily claptrap of info on the so called
crisis and concentrate on the depth of my wifes statement and
her sudden outburst. Something supreme is happening!
Ive got it! Shes received a message from the Divine! All
these faithful years of eating the flesh and drinking the blood of Christ
has had its effect. For once Im beginning to react rather than
ignore the message she receives promptly every Sunday at
the local parish. But how do I tackle the situation? Do I ask her for
an explanation or consult her local faith healer? Should I beat around
the bush and nonchalantly comment on her statement like, I suppose
youre right, God is angry, and sit back and await the response.
Or how about a kneejerk, dont talk codswallop! And
run for cover.
Ive got to think this one out, going out for a minute, dear!
Be back in a tick. Not a murmur. I put on my jacket; its
cold outside. My wifes Mother Nature is blowing hell through the
town. Im about to shut the door behind me when she suddenly returns
to earth and reminds me to buy some milk. One or two cartons?
I reply. No answer. Shes back with Noah.
First things first; I drop into my local coffee shop for a hot cup.
Do you believe in God? I ask my friend the barman. He smiles
as he fiddles with the espresso machine. Pure or decaf?
Make it a double of the real McCoy with milk, I answer.
No response to my original question. A guy walks in and sits beside
me. I recognise him as someone who lives in my building. He picks up
one of the bars free newspapers whilst he orders his own brew.
I peek over his shoulder. Headlines full of Mumbai terrorist attack.
He flips the pages until he hits the sports section. Real Madrid has
just won one of the Champions League rounds in Belarus. His eyes
are now glued to the print. Typical, I think. No use
asking him if he believes in God. Probably thinks Raul is a disciple.
The barman brings me my coffee; still no response to my original question.
I pay my lot and leave.
Its still hurricane weather. I button up to my neck and brave
the storm. Next stop is the supermarket; its nice and warm inside.
Better buy two cartons just in case. As I stand in the queue waiting
to pay I overhear a conversation between two middle aged housewives.
My husband has just been laid off! After 30 years! Isnt
it horrible? says one almost in tears.
O yes. I know! Says the other in typical Sybil Fawlty style,
I butt in, Its an act of Providence.
They look at me in dismay. Twenty two Euros and 30 cents,
bellows the cashier.
A message from above; the Lord is angry at all of us! Cant
you see your husband as a victim of Mother Nature? I was actually
talking to myself with their demise in mind staring blindly into space
as the words flowed across the till. I paid and left in a hurry as I
realised what a bloody fool Id made of myself.
I must get this off my chest and theres only one way to
find out. I went back home.
After placing the cartons in the fridge I walked into the living room
where my wife was at least four chapters further into Noahs novel.
OK then, what do you mean by something supreme is happening?
Dear soul; she picked up the page marker and placed it between two pages.
Shut the book and put it down, very slowly. Looked up at me and said,
I have no idea about economics or politics or why the world is
in such a mess but its not the end of everything. History somehow
is repeating itself as it always does and will eventually sort itself
My wife is an avid boffin on the subject. Those of us that believe
in God see it as a warning. Those that dont
She went back to her book.
James G Skinner December 2008
james skinner <email@example.com
Havent you been watching the news lately? Seen whats
happening to the stock markets the world over?
Extract from his novel about the Falkland's War
The Goa File Part
The CIA connection
Published in full by Cyberwit December 2006
Purim Code (Oct 2008)
USA has blown your cover. Your position at risk. Return to base
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