YOUR TRUE SELF
didnt occur to me that amid those smiles and pride in all her achievements,
there is a truth that constantly eludes my perfect friend.
friend Lyra has been working for three years now. She constantly
airs that she is happy with her job, in fact she feels so great
and much fulfilled at a young age. She travels a lot, went to prestigious
Schools and University in the Country, has a gratifying job, promotions,
you name it
Of course, I was so happy knowing these things,
and I feel so proud of her as always. She has always been great,
as I have known her especially when we were in college. She is an
a remarkable leader.
But, somewhere along the way, there came a point where I doubted how much
I have known her all these years. It didnt occur to me that amid
those smiles and pride in all her achievements, there is a truth that
constantly eludes my perfect friend. One day, she slowly opened up
unfolded what is inside her. I never knew how something as unbelievable
as what she revealed to me would actually happen to her.
She poured out all her hang-ups, her weaknesses, her indifference about
things, her frustrations and other things that express the emptiness inside
her. The fulfillment she was bragging about was a lie and was full of
pretensions. That there is no, and there never was, any fulfillment at
all. She called it "pseudo-fulfillment". She thought she had
achieved something worthwhile, but she was wrong. Yes, there were fame,
fortune, promising career and a secured future. But, all those years,
she was just convincing herself of a reality that never really existed.
She has lived in a dreamworld, full of hoaxes, phonies, false promises,
and deceits; a world she never really wanted. She has all the material
things everyone dreams of having, but she feels she wants something else;
something she herself doesnt know nor understand, but she feels
she has to find out, or she will never be complete.
I believe a lot of people have the same story to tell
a story of
being lost and feeling unfulfilled. I guess it is inevitable maybe because
of a lot of factors and maybe because there were not enough choices to
make in life. But are these reasons enough? I dont think so.
I admit, I felt deceived when my friend revealed the truth. But, I understood
somehow why she did it. I realized that maybe she is searching for her
true self, which I believe all of us have to go throuh, that she is at
the stage of finding what her soul really searches for. Admission of not
knowing oneself fully, or of wanting something that is not there, is hard,
and even painful, especially for someone who has been looked up to for
so long. But, opportunities are there for us to find our own calling and
it is never too late to uncover what the truth says about oneself.
Knowing yourself does not happen overnight. It is a long, sometimes agonizing,
yet fulfilling process toward the realization of yet unfounded story of
your own true self. You taste the tears, you feel the pain, you face the
struggle head on. You go through a lot of things in the process just to
get there. But these are just a prelude to something bigger, something
deeper than wanting material things. It is a noble, unearthly wanting.
It is a revelation of your genuine self. Sometimes, you thought you were
already there, just to find out in the end that you have not yet traveled
the long winding road. The sense of wanting is still there, and even reason
could not fathom it, but you know you have to go on.
Knowing yourself is not an end, but a means toward a real fulfillment,
toward a sense of belonging, a sense of connection. It is a constant process.
It can never be practiced nor memorized, but rather, it just naturally
comes out, if you only listen to what your soul is saying, if you only
let silence reign in your heart and mind for you to hear that inner voice.
Yes, it is sometimes hard to listen especially when you were blinded with
the labels others have branded on you. And because you are oblivious to
matters of your soul, you consequently convince yourself that you are
someone you are not. There comes confusion of your own identity of who
you really are. But you can always take a step back, reflect and listen
to what your soul is saying. Perhaps, behind that feeling of emptiness
lies confusion and fancy beliefs of who you are, perhaps there's a destiny
Searching for something innate does not make you less of a person. It
is separate from searching for material things, for fame or for power
matter-of-factly. It does not make you an inept person nor a dumb one
for that matter, but rather, it makes you extraordinarily different because
you have unleashed your strength and will to rediscover time and again
what you believe is right for you. It takes a lot to finally decide what
you always wanted, but it truly pays when you are there on top certain
of what lies ahead.
When my friend revealed her true feelings, I finally admired her more
for having the courage to admit what she is not, and for confessing what
she truly feels. It doesnt just flourish out of a feeble mind. It
comes out of a desire to find a long-lost self-worth. And finding that
self-worth translates into finding a place in this world.
Dont be absorbed with what others think of who you should become.
Break free from that chain of slavery. Dont let yourself drift further
from who you really are. Dont let others hold you back from wanting
something more. Instead, find your self-worth. Find what you really want.
Free your mind and soul. So that when you look back to reminisce what
you went through, you do so with a sense of fulfillment and a serene heart,
for you know right there and then that you have traveled the right path.
My friends realization of wanting something more is indeed a beginning
of a quest for something unspeakable
something that truly dwells
something that would make her see the essence of life.
And it undermines the forces that continue to lead her astray.
Knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength, but
Mastering yourself is true power".
- tao tse ching
© Donna Vela March 2002
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