International Writers Magazine - Our Tenth Year: NY
New York Wimmen
York City has got the loudest, pushiest women in the world. Mostly,
they have got trumpet voices that can break glass like a Memorex
commercial. I used to believe that all that screaming hysteria was
counterproductive. My idea was to draft these broads into federal
charm schools to teach them to talk like normal women and use the
traditional female qualities of charm to achieve their aims.
In addition, they would learn what to do with their hair, and learn
not to go into the subway with sleeveless blouses exposing huge glops
of roll-on deodorant when they lift their arms to hold the rail. Ugh!
Its not an appealing package. Its not exactly a European
runway show, yknow what I mean?
The prevailing view held among New York girls is: Im tough. Why
should I resort to decadent European subterfuge when I can get right
in your face and scare the shit out of you with my big mouth? God gave
me a powerful set of lungs and two fists. You dont like it? Forget
Now, like so much of female delirium, this used to amount to a bunch
of deluded nonsense. They are never going to get the edge on a 220 lb.
male dummy with pierced ears and a fistful of silver rings. Nevertheless,
in the last few years, due to the enhanced police procedures established
by Police Commissioners William Bratton and Ray Kelly, most of the bad
guys are in jail cells up in Poughkeepsie and Ossining, turning New
York City into a mostly demilitarized zone. This has opened up vast
opportunities for the biggest mouth to prevail. And nobody can touch
the women of New York for bone-chilling loudmouth screaming.
You think Im kidding? Then you obviously havent seen the
Internet video showing ex-Mets superstar Art Shamsky being chased down
the street by his ex-wife, Kim, who is being forced by court order to
pay him millions in alimony after he divorced her, citing (what else?)
hysterical screaming fits. She is getting a taste of what women have
been doing to men since time immemorial, taking them to the cleaners.
And she is finding it a very bad fit.
"You degenerate piece of garbage,!" she is seen to be screaming.
"I had to have my uterus removed because of the unholy sexual diseases
you transmitted to me, you bastard!" In court papers she filed
against him, Kim Shamsky accuses Art Shamsky of engaging in sexual improprieties
involving women, men and any various combination of the denizens of
the Bronx Zoo.
Hey, why not? Alls fair in love and war. The days of Ralph Kramden
threatening Alice with a one-way flight to the moon are anthropological
history. Art Shamsky is running away and not even talking back. Only,
this peaceable reaction on the part of the men is not being reciprocated
by a lessening of the volume on the part of the females. Indeed, they
have seized the initiative. Translation: the women win. Men are anthropologically
too stupid to learn how to talk back. I see the evidence of mens
brutish incompetence everywhere I look. The women have got all the money
and all the power. The men are getting their salaries attached to pay
child support, and they still get daily phone calls from the mothers
of their children drafting them into involuntary servitude. "Pick
up your daughter from school, you knucklehead, Im going out with
I used to do the payroll, and I know how many guys are having their
salaries attached to pay child support. Its not a pretty picture.
Men are working two jobs, and they are still broke and living in dingy
basement apartments, and sweating it out. It shouldnt have to
be that way. In Scandinavian countries the state picks up the majority
of the expenses for bringing up kids in one-parent families. People
are always screaming about the population decline and the future projected
manpower shortage, but they are allowing kids to suffer and holding
a gun to the fathers heads.
We are living according to the law of the jungle, rich people being
off the hook for paying their fair share for social welfare. They say,
"Why should I pay if that guy cant keep it in his pants?"
Well, Ill tell you why: in a civilized society everybody has to
pay to give children a decent life without subjecting the father to
a lifetime of slavery. As Hillary Clinton wrote, "It Takes A Village".
Forcing one guy to pay the whole cost of a kid from a failed relationship
for his entire life, while hedge fund traders are paying taxes at the
rate of 15% is an abomination, and the voracious mendacity of some women
to intentionally trap guys into a life of servitude just makes it worse.
When times were good, the women were more discriminating about the suckers
they chose. In order to get a date you practically needed to have a
tee-shirt printed up showing your financial statement. Now that times
are tough, any idiot can get a date so long as he has a paying job.
Forget about cigarette boats and a house in the Hamptons. The dividing
line today is job or no job. But the rule is the same the girl
has got a crowbar to pry you loose from your money. Nothing personal
You dont hear too much any more about woman saying "Im
high maintenance" One time I had this olgirl tell me "Im
high maintenance." I told her, "I got a horse thats
high maintenance". These days women are happy to latch on to any
maintenance. Forget about a guy whos suave and debonair. These
days a guy could have an extra foot growing out of his head, but if
hes got a paying job hes suddenly appealing. A blue collar
is all of a sudden a sought-after fashion accessory. Bond traders and
bankers are out and butchers are in. Especially butchers: a scientific
study from France (where else?) recently showed that female chimpanzees
are more inclined to give sex to males who give them meat, which motivates
the males to be more aggressive hunters. Give them some meat, and theyll
treat you good. Since our females are themselves not too far removed
from the animal kingdom, this is a good reason to show up for your next
date with a couple of nice, thick rib steaks instead of clutching a
bouquet of useless flowers.
I know Im not politically correct, but political correctness is
going to be the next victim of the economy, as people find they have
more pressing issues to worry about. May it die and never return.
As if to add insult to injury, women have also taken over the news media
100%. Every time you pick up a newspaper, you end up getting a lesson
in civilized behavior from some nitwit female. From The New York
Post, you get: a daily morality lecture from Andrea Peyser reflecting
50 year-old blue collar Queens moral values; a calcified, sclerotic
Cindy Adams referring to Icelandic composer-singer-musician Bjork as
an immoral "piece of excrement"; Michele Malkin excoriating
liberals and waxing nostalgic for the administration of Big Dummy Supremo
George W. Bush.
OK, what do you expect? At 50¢ its cheaper than a comic book.
The Post itself admits its a piece of worthless horseshit. Recently,
in response to a lawsuit brought by a disgruntled former employee (what
other kind is there?), The Post was forced to admit in a court filing
that it encouraged its "journalists" to accept graft in order
to keep salaries low. Its pay to play all the way, which is so
hysterical about The Post complaining about grafting politicians. Thats
what keeps publicists in business, cash payments to Cindy Adams and
Page Six to give a favorable plug to a new show or restaurant. Last
year, when Yanks slugger Jason Giambi admitted to a web site that the
Yanks were prancing around the locker room like a bunch of sissies in
gold lamé thong panties, the Post sportswriters killed the story,
which is a good joke if I ever saw one, when the Swinebrenner brothers,
Tweedledee and Tweedledumber, threatened to cut off their free Yankee
But if The Post is a useless piece of fish wrapping, The New York
Times is infinitely more invidious because it masquerades as a serious
news organ. Never mind that The Times long ago lost its marbles. Controlled
by the Sulzberger family. The Times is hemorrhaging money faster than
a sieve, and since people under pressure are inclined to say extraordinary
things, its editorial policy has adopted a more convoluted grab bag
of politically correct constructions than a Prospect Park parenting
website is able to conceive. Its a mess, with female rabbis and
gay marriage announcements competing for space with a stable of brain-addled
neo-conservative columnists who leave even Republicans holding their
heads in amazement.
Naturally, right at the top is a myopic insistence on gender-bending
role equality that flies in the face of hundreds of millions of years
of sexual evolution. I dont have anything against sexual equality
issues, aside from a distaste for the whole concept of identity politics
per se, and the idea that a news organization would attempt to peddle
them so aggressively in an effort to mainstream what I essentially believe
to be fringe attitudes, I find not only counterproductive but also endlessly
tedious. Maybe I have fallen behind the times, but Im comfortable
with the Clinton-era concept of "dont ask dont tell"
and Obamas program of civil unions between consenting adults (including
men and women, like me and my girlfriend). But The Times, with its unhinged
insistence on exploration of new frontiers of social irrelevance, is
a total bore.
Maybe the writers there feel bad that they had missed out on the culture
wars by playing it too safe, and are now trying belatedly to assert
their relevance, even as the rest of us have passed along to something
else. Basically, The Times employs mediocre writers of both genders.
Its criteria for hiring staff rest on their academic credentials,
an Ivy League diploma seeming to be the standard, even as they admit
that due to grade inflation a high grade-point average in school is
indicative of nothing more than assiduous attendance in class, which
any idiot can achieve.
But The Times stated goal of leveling the playing field in favor
of promoting women and minorities has led to some astounding gaffes,
which reflect on the reliability of their reporting and commentary.
Jayson Blair, the reporter exposed for deranged fabrication of front-page
news stories comes to mind. More recently, the bizarre case of Judith
Miller, who was found to have acted as a conscious shill for the Bush
administrations campaign of disinformation, published a whole
series of fictitious front-page articles relating to Saddam Husseins
alleged nuclear capacity that The Times endorsed even though she was
blatantly deranged. "I do what I want", she bragged.
The Times was finally forced to unceremoniously kick Miller out the
back door, even as they were covering up another tacky story concerning
Susan Sachs, the Baghdad bureau chief who, finding herself on the losing
of bureaucratic infighting, decided to send some "anonymous"
emails to the wives of Times reporters, informing them that their husbands
were involved in a little extracurricular hanky-panky with Iraqi women.
These "anonymous" missives were traced back to her in about
a New York minute, and she as well ended up with boot prints on her
I once had a female colleague who thought she was a freakin genius.
She was pushy, and when she spoke she honked like a flock of wild geese
flying over Rockaway. She was a typical blowhard New Yorker in the mould
of Eliot "I am a fuckin bulldozer" Spitzer.
Just for fun, I asked her, "Did it ever occur to you that you might
be able to accomplish more just using intelligence and charm to achieve
She replied, "That would be dishonesty".
Naked aggression and coarse intimidation dressed up as honesty and tough
love are the standard operating procedures of the day. Remember Sarah
Palins line about the difference between a hockey mom and a pit
bull terrier being the lipstick? Obamas rejoinder: dress up a
pig with lipstick and its still a pig.
Speaking of screaming, pushy females, here is one last example from
the hallowed corridors of The New York Times. Managing editor
Jill Abramson was reported by Page Six of The Post (its gotta
be true!) to have gotten into a screaming match at a dinner party with
a playwright whose show had been savaged by The Times. "The Times
is the arbiter of good taste in New York," she screamed hysterically,
which must have done wonders for the digestion of the other diners.
Not long after, this arbiter of good taste was standing in the gutter
on West 46th Street, waiting for the light to change and yakking on
her cell phone, when she got her foot run over and broken by that ultimate
New York status symbol of good taste, a garbage truck! Good taste, give
me a break!
Historically, the American female has seen herself as the civilizing
influence needed to smooth out the rough edges of American manhood.
Where this comes from, I dont know. It seems to me to be just
another puritan punishment exacted to wreck peoples enjoyment
of life. Frankly, Id rather be in Philadelphia. No female qualities
visible to me would seem to suggest such an exalted social status. One
time, I inadvertently brushed a bleached-blonde suburban Republican
woman in a crowded store with a gym bag I was lugging around. She suggested
that I apologize to her, but this being New York and sometimes crowded,
I ignored her, at which point she started screaming "You motherfucking
faggot!" That type of etiquette lesson I can do without.
Now, with the absolute and utter collapse of the triumphalist Anglo-Saxon
business model and concomitant social breakdown, our whole concept of
social interaction may be due for a reassessment, purely in terms of
effectiveness, if not quality of life.
© Dean Borok May 2009
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