The International Writers Magazine: France

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Paris: Don't Drink the Water (Or anything else either!)… • Erin B. DeBernardo Seriously? you ask. Oui. Seriously. And not for reasons you might imagine. While it's true that Parisian water is excellent in quality and taste, I say don't drink the water while in Paris for a different reason - restrooms can be very hard to come by.

Of course, I can only speak from my own experience. I'm an avid water drinker and I noticed that I had to modify that habit while in Paris because I didn't want to have to go through the hassle of being on the constant lookout for 'les toilettes.'

If you're a customer in a café or brasserie, you might discover that they do in fact have restrooms, but may require a token to gain access. Tokens are distributed by wait staff or bartenders, and more often than not, they provide access to customers free of charge. But, it may be required to pay a few centimes for the "privilege" of using the facilities -  especially if you come across a less-than-friendly server.
"Unfriendly…in Paris?” you ask. I know it's hard to believe, but while rare, it's been known to exist.

I recall that on more than one occasion, we had to stop in a café for the sole purpose of using the restroom, thus requiring us to buy purchase gratuitous, unwanted coffee.
More specifically, friends and I were on our way to dinner in a popular block of the city (which shall remain nameless to protect the innocent as well as the embarrassed), when I declared that I had indeed indulged in one too many Coca-Lights, and had to find a close bathroom. Upon entering a multi-level parking garage, we pulled our car into an empty  space and I proceeded to walk ahead on my toilette seeking mission. Instantly, and a bit like a mirage, I saw a sign marked "Toilettes" at the end of the garage level where we had parked.
"Wait for me!" I called back to mes amis.  "I'll just be a minute!"
As I approached 'le toilette' I noticed something was very, very wrong.
Where was the door? And more importantly, where was the toilet? Mon Dieu.
Before me lay a filthy, corroded hole in the ground.
What the $#@*??? My friends, Greg and Susan, approached as I stood there motionless.
"What in the world is this supposed to be?" I asked.
"Ooooh," Greg said. "I have no idea. I've never seen that before in my life." Right. Greg, the Native-Parisian, had never seen what is known as a "Turkish Toilet." Always the Proud Parisian.
Graffiti, posters (yes, posters - this was apparently someone's sick idea of a good advertising spot!) and dirt, not to mention insects, were everywhere.
And where was the toilet paper?? Beurk (Fr: Gross).
"So what am I supposed to do now?" I demanded.
"Hold it?" Susan asked.
Obviously.

And that's just what I did. For about four blocks until we reached "Le Bistro Romaine" for dinner. (FYI: Bistro Romaine, a chain restaurant, is in my opinion Paris' answer to the Olive Garden. I have to say I think Olive Garden is better. Now you know.)

While in the Bistro's modern, and clean, restroom, I could not erase the image of the disgusting pit from my mind. If one was actually desperate enough to utilize such a hole in the ground, I had to ask myself how. Why wasn't there at least a door in front of it? Imagine being in a dark corner of a large parking deck and having to squat in front of passers-by and the occasional headlight. Quite the deranged "Urban-Style-National-Geographic" photo it would make!

I thought that this was an isolated incident - maybe even perhaps a forgotten or disregarded hole in the ground where a toilet may have once stood - but no. I recently read that this type of toilet , if you can call it that, actually exists in some modern bars in jolie Paris. To my dismay, I learned that these rare stink-pits are still alive and well in the City of Lights! Sacre bleu.
‘You're kidding,’ you say.
Would I lie to you?
Non, of course not.

Alternately, the streets of Paris are lined with what are considered to be hygienic public-toilet facilities. I've never had the "pleasure" of using one, but apparently, and now free of charge, you can enter one of the "Cadillac-of-all-port-a-johns" and spend up to fifteen minutes inside. Note: you have fifteen minutes, and only fifteen minutes. This is not the time to read your city tour guide and contemplate your next stop. Upon flushing, the toilet folds into the wall and simultaneously sprays both cleanser and deodorizer, completely coating the inside in an effort to sanitize the interior. So if you don't want to experience what it's like to stroll through a carwash, exit promptly.
Bonne chance, et á la prochaine!
© Erin B. DeBernardo Jan 2007
Run Around Paris <runaroundparis@hotmail.com
(http://runaroundparis.blogspot.com)

A Reconciliation of Space: The Parisian Apartment
Erin B. DeBernardo
Space is at a premium in Paris

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