relationships get ill
- The Roots
Tabytha Towe's Diary
... My boyfriend and I share something real and wonderful, frustrating
and hopeful and hopeless all at once. What a team we are.
It is absolutely
My boyfriend and I can relate to what one of our favorite music groups
quote when they say that line in their song. No doubt everybody can. Relationships
with your families or friends, lovers or business partners, there are
always times where they can get real messy. I know I have a mess to clean
up with a loved one at least once or twice a day.
Where does it usually
come from we wonder? Hmmm, let us see: Anything from difference in opinion
to conflicting timing to total disagreement to broken promises or pure
lack of communication or even just for the sake of arguing. There are
just as many cons as there are pros to any relationship, you just have
to want to get by them.
As for my darling boyfriend and I, we have just celebrated our eighth
glorious month together.
Why I say glorious is because, for me, these past eight months have been
exactly that.. It has been unlike any other relationship either one of
us has ever been involved in. It has also been the longest for us both
(we have not had long lasting relationships previously, yet we have had
many short lived ones.)
After eight months
we have learned quite a bit through each other, but things have definitely
changed. Obviously as time goes on feelings for the other person start
to develop into stronger ones, you become a little more comfortable
with that person ---but then again, you also may find it easier to quarrel
more often, and you either end up spending more or less time with that
person. In our circumstance, we are the kind of couple who, as time
goes on, spend less time together. You know what, I think it rather
suits us better than to spend all that extra time hanging around each
other. I mean, we love our mothers very much, but do we really want
to see her all the time? Ok that was a bad example, what I am trying
to get at is that its healthy to miss someone (sometimes.)
I see a lot of my coupled up friends living together and it works out
great for them, although they are also older than me and speak of possible
marriage, where as I still freak out a little at the words commitment
or settling down. I am pretty sure that I havent gotten
my own life figured out yet to worry about one with anothers,
yet that being said is also only for the time being.
You would think that after eight months of sharing part of my life with
someone, especially someone whom I care for greatly, that certain doubts
should not be so. They are old concerns I probably havent fully
let go of that are now mixed with new ones. Its perfectly natural
isnt it, coming from such a young, free spirited, emotionally
bewildered woman? I do brew these quandaries up myself, although I cannot
be soley responsible for all the differing aspects of my doubts, they
have to come from somewhere. Ill take the blame for allowing things
to get to me. Perhaps its simple realisation though
be real here. Deep down inside both my boyfriend and I know what we
want from each other and are either too hesitant to ask one another,
or else we already know what the answers are. Concealing our desires
or keeping our thoughts to ourselves is not going to help either one
of us out either. OK, OK, its more like me not to speak up, which
does create an indirect problem. As to why I dont always talk
about what bothers me, thats actually something I would like to
I suppose I dont really bargain for a very strong defense in my
favor; however I do know how to spaz or cry -not always in my favor
mind you. I dont want to say communication makes a relationship
last, but it certainately makes it a lot easier. My boyfriend and I
joke about how much hard work it is to maintain a boy/girlfriend relationship.
Companionship along with intimacy is quite a big package and I wouldnt
expect it to be any other way. Now, whether we discuss certain events
or choose to bring up particular issues or not, we have this mutual
understanding. I know it sounds like such a justification, but we kind
of do. Sometimes you say more by not speaking. You know the saying,
a picture is worth more than a thousand words. (Maybe thats
what I was trying to get at!?) We have this unexplainable compassion
for each other, as if we have known each other for years. Like I said
months ago when we became first acquainted, immediately we were close,
just drawn to each other. Obviously the magnetic impulse lasts for only
so long as the other person remains a new mystery, but the compassion
will always be there, just as we will always be there for one another.
Maybe we need to show more of it, maybe more of everything if we are
going to be in this relationship.
Perhaps we take for granted what we do have and are concerned more with
what we dont do or with what we arent. I for one dont
even know what we share together anymore; sad to say, but it really
isnt that sad to handle. Its almost as if we might be holding
on for the sake of being afraid of losing each other, which we both
know wont happen in any case, regardless of breaking up or sticking
through. Its a challenge for us to truly understand what is best,
for today and tomorrow. We cannot waste time or energy being frantic
over remote matters, we know what is precious to us.
Take for instance Valentines day coming up. Ive bitter and sweet
remarks about the occasion, (hence last years article regarding the
day,) but well leave my reasons out of it. Usually I would go
gaga with romantic ideas of the candlelight event, and that is not to
say that I havent this year since I have someone Id like
to indulge the ordeal with, but I havent stressed over it because
we can have a romantic day any day if we so choose. One marked day should
not be an excuse to show your affection for your loved ones, not to
say again that it isnt cool that we do have an annual celebration
for it, just that personally I would prefer not to experience all the
heady expectations surrounding it and therefore be happier with what
is. Does that make sense to you?
I must sound like Im either hiding something or am afraid of something
that might happen; or hasnt yet happened, or maybe of something
that already has happened and Im too shitless to admit it. My
boyfriend is right, ever since we became a couple, ever since monogamy
was accepted, pretty much ever since the day we met, I have always been
too wrapped up in the whole idea of a 'relationship'.
We actually share the same feelings right now on how timing is affecting
us. When it comes down to it, it really is all in the timing. Hes
at the point in his life where he knows exactly where he is going, hes
chosen his direction and he is giving it his all right now. He has to.
To be frank, a girlfriend almost gets in the way of what he wants to
do. Im not even trying to be harsh here, its just simply
the way it is. Whereas I on the other hand, being the queen of stubborn,
I want to be able to have the time to grow, and I am slowly (but surely
I assure you) getting to that point, but Im still at the point
where a career choice hasn't presented itself to me and I love socializing
too much. Im 19, not 23!! Results are not going to be sudden.
Wow! I never really looked at how the importance of being on the same
level applies. Sharing common interest is a given if you are attracted
to someone, but difference in lifestyles -completely I might add - are
a conflicting matter. Not enough to freak out about, but enough to question
the whole thing.
Moral of the story, honestly, I dont have one for you. It has
nothing to do with morality actually, more so truth, beauty and life.
My boyfriend and I share something real and wonderful, frustrating and
hopeful and hopeless all at once. What a team we are. He truly is my
closest friend. We are not going to lose our companionship regardless
of any obstacle. We nearly care too much for one another to let anything
come between us.
That is why I am not worried about us, despite the relationship factor
perhaps coming to an end in the near future. When something ends something
new arises, its all in the cycle, ying and yang baby. Without
ups life would not be worthy but without downs the ups would not be
Well I believe I have spilled my guts enough to you by now. Some that
I perhaps shouldnt have and were not even near the bottom
yet. I know everyone can relate to that. Hopefully all of you have someone
special to appreciate on Valentines. Absolutely no one should feel unloved
because they always are and just may not know it. It shows in weird
ways thats for sure! Thanks for joining me in my little world.
Vancouvers Tabytha xox
© Tabytha Towe
moment from Tabyatha Towe's diary:
SEVEN and a half EIGHT.