Dear P Charming,
Looking back, I suppose it was never going to work. We started out with
such different agendas and with such different needs. We never really
got to know each other properly, instead we were thrown almost straightaway
into some happy ever after romance with the big white wedding and everything
that entailed. I barely had time to find out who I really was before
I was ensconced in a huge house with an enormous garden and with a husband
who every other woman in the land seemed to want to get her hands on.
But Im not blaming you for that, darling. You didnt really
know what you were getting into either. To you, I was a challenge although
I think you persuaded yourself that there was more to it than that at
the beginning. The problem came later, when you began to believe your
own myth and I didnt quite live up to my part in that. Its
hard to love someone who thinks that they are every womans dream.
I dont want to sound all analytical - I know you hate all that
psychobabble - but I still have so many childhood issues to deal with.
I was only just getting into my teenage years when that unfortunate
accident happened and then when I recovered from that, there you were,
and I was immediately thrown into life with you.
I know you see yourself as the great white saviour, darling, but really
I believe that the only person who can save us is ourselves. I know
you had to overcome a great many challenges in order to get to me and,
in most peoples eyes, that means we belong together, but now that weve
been living together for a while, Im no longer so sure.
I dont want to get too personal but I didnt realise just
how loudly you snored or that because you spend so much time on horseback
that meant that you smell like them. Also, you seem to disappear for
days on end and when you return you always mutter something about saving
people in distress and then I never hear any more about it. Communication
is always the first casualty in a relationship but I suppose the problem
for us was that we never did communicate, even at the start. You fell
in love with me because of the way I looked and because you had decided
before you even saw me that I was your ideal woman. And as for me? Well,
I wasnt given much choice. You were the first one I was allowed
to see when I finally got the sleep out of my eyes. So are you surprised
that I married you when it was the only way out of my glass prison?
But I never
did become the woman that you thought I was. Ill never forget
the look on your face the first time you saw me clipping my toenails.
You looked so horrified, as though you expected them to fall off
all by themselves with no effort from me. And you were so disappointed
that I couldnt cook and that I didnt want to have
babies straightaway. Welcome to the 21st century darling. Things
My friend Cindy tried to warn me that things may turn out this
way but I thought she was just being cynical. Although why she
should need to be cynical when she has her own PC already I dont
know. But she told me that I wouldnt be able to live up
to your expectations. I suppose shes already been through
it although shes decided to stay with him for now. Well,
he does let her shop at Manolo Blahniks so its probably
worth hanging on.
Image: Maxwell Parrish
But, for me, enough is enough. Its time to get out there and try
to find out a bit about myself, for myself (more psychobabble Im
afraid, but really, darling, if you leave me alone for days at a time
what else am I going to do but read self-improvement books). Im
sure youll find someone else - one of those people you keep saving
from distress maybe. But if you ask me I think you should go for some
nice horsey girl, someone who shares your interests and is ready to
pop out a child or two almost straightaway.
As for me Im off into the big bad world at last. Ive had
my share of fairies, princes and shining castles. I want a bit of adventure.
I dont want to be locked away from the world any more. Let me
at it. Im sure no man will ever match up to you, not in the worlds
eyes anyway, but, hey, Im not looking for perfection.
But Ill always be grateful to you for freeing me and Ill
be quite happy to turn up at your first babys christening with
Ms. S Beauty