The Girls Of Japan
Louis Vuitton purses at the ready girls - it's handbags at dawn'!
This month as I thought I'd take a closer look at the girls of Japan.
lets begin with School girls!
If you've seen Austin
Powers Goldmember recently then let me confirm that Japanese school
girls really do look like that! Cute plaits, Barbie make-up and Hello
Kitty school back packs - you can forget school disco - these girls
beat every man's wildest fantasy especially for business men where,
sadly, school girl pornography is in big demand.
The uniform comes in two styles;
1) A navy uniform complete with sailor collar, hat and gloves, or,
2) The big sock variety. Practically drowned in a big blue blazer which
swamps them - girls wear outrageously short mini-pleated skirts that
barely cover their modesty, tight white shirts and neck ties.
You could almost call them the Asian equivalent of Britney Spears -
fluffy hair clips n' all but only better as the whole ensemble isn't
complete however, without very big, dazzling white and fantastically
chunky white socks.
Socks which are so big that if pulled up to full capacity - could easily
reach the top of Tokyo Tower!
They are instead, slouched down creating a chunky layered effect just
below the knee which are then held in place by sock glue. Oh yes! You
read that last bit right! The Japanese think of everything...including
sock glue! In fact, body glue is extremely popular here in Hello Kitty
land. Its used for everything from sock glue to shoulder glue. The glue
keeps shoulder bags perfectly in place across the shoulders whilst also
serving a double function in making a good preventative measure against
anyone trying to steal their Lois Vuitton handbag. Incidentally, Lois
Vuitton launched their new range last week and the store was packed
full with hundreds of Japanese girls (boyfriend in tow) ready to snap
up the latest design.
Vast quantities of boyfriend's cash (I love this country!!) was handed
over and it got pretty ugly at one point as bags started to sell out
at a rapid rate.
'Get your Lois Vuitton purses at the ready girls - it's handbags at
So back to glue (crikey! I can`t believe I've rambled on so much about
an adhesive! - someone please give me a life!)
You can also buy hair glue, nail glue, shoe glue (in case those 10inch
high heels start to crumble amidst the scrum for the latest designer
Lois Vuitton carry case), pant/trouser glue - for the prevention of
builders miniscule bum on their non existant cute derrieres...oh and
eye lash glue to achieve that cute wide eyed look - are just some of
the products on sale in Japan which are used for making the Japanese
ladies look good.
I`ve also discovered the secret of how they manage to stay so thin!
They go wild for supports! Big Bridget Jones styley holder-inner underpants,
cyclng shorts, strips of tape which are wrapped around legs and thighs
to suck in the little fat they have, ginormously high heeled shoes and
a diet of rice and cigaretes is all you need to achieve that super duper
chopstick thin figure. They even wear holder-inner stockings underneath
their jeans and thats in the peak of summer!
But there is some good news for all you candy lovers out there - Japanese
girls are actually getting bigger in size and more Western looking -
yayyyy!! Blame it on the number of Macdonalds, KFCs and Haagan Daz Ice-cream
shops which have cropped up on every street corner - junk food tastic!!
One of my Japanese stick thin buddies exclaimed to me once - 'Mandy!
I love your figure - I soooo jealous!!' (to be read with Japanese accent)
pointing to my, ok so I admit, rather generously proportioned and outwardly
oversized breasts! She was saying all this whilst puffing on a cigarette
and nibbling on a lettuce leaf. So you would think that maybe whe was
being just a tad sarcastic causing me to run away and buy every holder-inner
and support tastic glue in sight.
The sad truth, however, is that these ladies do actualy want to look
more western and will go to extreme lengths in order to do so. The ultimate
goal for many women in Japan, especially the 30+ age group, is to have
white skin. Women are obsessed and many a TV advert shows hour long
demonstrations on magic cream which makes your skin turn white - move
over Michael Jackson - these people are even crazier than you!! Whoops
of delight and 'sagoy!!' (means - great!) fill the TV studio as the
demonstrator`s assistant shows off one white hand in comparison to the
other un-magic-creamed hand (it's a bit like a pampers nappy advert).
Fortunately, the younger girls are starting to reject this madness and
are opting for the golden sunkissed look, but, for the 30+ - white is
the way to be and are paranoid about the teeniest ray of sunlight falling
on their bare skin.
In order to avoid
any contact whatsoever women take to wearing long white gloves when
driving, and carrying an umbrella/ parasol wherever they go. The Japanese
are always prepared for whatever the weather here and have an umbrella
on standby wherever they go.
After rainy season which falls in June - comes the summer where as mentioned
before in previous mails - temperatures soar to around 38 degrees. But
umbrellas don`t get put away! Oh no!! They have a double function you
see and what once steered off the rain quickly transforms itself into
a parasol in order to block out the sun. Gee! they think of everything!
In't it maaaarrvellous! Wherever you go - you'll always see an umbrella
in Japan which isn't that great for me being 'tall girl in Japan' as
I often get bashed in the ribs by deadly killer umbrella spikes and
the culprits are nearly always 80% little old Japanese ladies.
Hmmmmmmm.............Japanese old ladies....kitted out in Kimonos, Addidas
trainers, Lois Vuitton handbags and 'Harrods' shopper bags - they kind
of remind me a bit like the cross between a hobbit and Yoda (a la Star
Wars) - very small, very wrinkly with no teeth due to living up in the
Volcanoes and Mountains on a diet of rice and seaweed...oh and they
are also pretty damn rude!
Japanese Grandma`s rule the subway system. They push, shove, spit, scowl,
talk about 'the children of today' (in Japanese of course) and stare
at anyone western looking. These are people you don`t want to get on
the wrong side of unless you fancy being bashed on the head with a walking
stick - or worse still - an umbrella. The only advantage I`ve got on
them I guess is that they're only waist height - 'awwwww!! ickle diddyness!
so its usually a clout round the backside for me instead - grrrrrrrr!!
So these are are just some observations of women in Japan. (Don`t even
get me started on diet pills!!) Next month - it's the men's turn who
buy just as many beauty products as the girls, and are the most feminine
looking blokes I`ve seen in a long time - bring back `Wham` - all is
© Mandy Mand 2002
Mand was teaching English in Japan is now seeking a publisher for her
tales from Japan.
Cup Fever Continues
soccer hooligans went crazy and threw themselves off the famous Totomi
bridge into a river in the middle of Osaka
MAND IN JAPAN
you MUST have at least one Louis Vuitton bag, a Tiffany's necklace
and of course that essential pink sparkly phone!
I realised that wearing a black and white polka dot lace thong was not
the best move!
Hollywood to Dollywood
folk looked on in horror - tragic thing was that these weren't actually
hooligans but English teachers from Australia
Mand in Japan - Summer Hols in Okinawa and
Sadly, you're not supposed to stare or
even look at the monkeys...
Social Life In Japan
Let's Go Bowling!
Mandy Mand in Osaka
about Japan in Hacktreks
< Reply to this Article