International Writers Magazine:
Guy Block Stories
It was not how he
would rather have spent it and so this made the start of the week even
more unbearable. Guy usually liked his weekends to be spent indoors with
a lovely young girl, in this instance he was hoping for the company of
Kate Dean, a young reader in the dept. who was blonde, slim and lovely.
He had hoped for a relaxing evening with a gin and tonic before retiring
to bed and her quim for a tonic.
on the Block
Guy Block groaned in despair at another start to another week. He
leant out from his slumber and hit the snooze button, let the horror
that was a Monday morning be put to one side, it hadnt helped
his mood that it had been an awful weekend too.
However this was not on the agenda this past weekend for it was his turn
with the twins and they had been allowed to sleep over. With a sigh he
curled back up. But it was not to be, for the twins came charging in at
that very moment and pounced upon his bed.
Christ! Or rather anti-christ. The two of them stared at him from under
their heavy halo of blonde locks, myopically they blinked in unison before
saying "Come on Daddy, we cannot be late for school" also in
unison. Guy rolled his eyes from up out of his head and raised himself
up for the day.
Half hour, a brief snatch of Terry Wogan for sanity, several rounds of
burnt toast later and a fair degree of faffing later Guy was shepherding
the twins dressed in identikit coats and bobble hats and clutching identikit
lunchboxes into the back seat of his Jensen Interceptor. Once settled,
he pulled away from the kerb to start the day. "Now, Jeremy, Jemima,
I have to pick up a friend on the way in before I drop you off ok?"
"Why?" came the obvious reply in unison.
"Well, because I offered her a lift"
"Because her car is in dock"
"Her?" Jemima quizzically lilted
"Yes, its a colleague of Daddys" Guy replied
"Are you shagging her?" Jeremy asked
Guy swerved in shock causing several car horns to beep after him. "No,
no I am not!" Guy said defensively.
"Shes not one of your special friends then?" Jeremy asked
"Ah, how do you mean special friend Jeremy?"
"Like a girlfriend or
" Jeremy began
"Fuck buddy" Jemima concluded with all the innocence in the
More swerving and more car horns ensued.
Guy turned sharply to remonstrate with his angelic offsprings
Lucifer was an angel to begin with. "Kids I hardly think that is
a suitable for you to be saying at your age, I mean youre seven
"Seven and three quarters" they corrected simultaneously causing
Guy to catch himself; "Seven and three quarters then, even so its
still not the sort of words you should use or know"
"But we do" answered Jeremy
"Because we are gifted" answered Jemima and then they smiled
the smug smile of child prodigies. "It's ok Daddy" Jeremy said,
"We understand about the male menopause"
"No!" Jemima said turning abruptly to her brother, "Thats
pants, pant-o-rama! Mummy says it isnt the memo-men-o-pause"
she slowly corrected herself, "She says its because hes a randy
sod and he always has been. Have you Daddy? Have you always been randy?"
Guy thought it best to give them the silent treatment, whilst inwardly
he cursed and prayed for a better day. Finally he reached his destination.
"Anyway, were here now" said Guy
"Where?" they asked, craning their necks to view the houses
"Daddys friends house" Guy replied
"Who is?" they asked
"A nice lady called Emma, Emma Latimer," he answered unhooking
"Oh" Jemima said ominously
"That lady" Jeremy intoned just as ominously
"Hes not fucking her," Jemima stage whispered to a giggling
Jeremy, causing Guy to turn abruptly to them.
They smiled sweetly savouring the confusion and abject fear on their Daddys
face before replying "Mummy has told us about Emma"
"Has she now? And what, prey has your mother said?"
"That she is your friend" Jemima said
"Your best friend" Jeremy said
oh thats ok, right then" said Guy content, and
he left the car to greet Emma who was by now walking down her driveway
in a long raincoat wrapped around her long and slim frame and a loose
tie around her neck. Although the masculine attire she wore could not
hide the fact that she was a beautiful woman. She reached her gate and
gave Guy a hug before getting into the passenger side. She turned in her
seat and with a smile she introduced herself to the twins who stared at
her as if studying a fascinating, near extinct inmate in a zoo.
Emma looked at Guy for some kind of answer. "Theyre very precocious"
was all he could manage.
"We know who you are" Jeremy said grandly
"Really?" Emma replied returning her gaze and smile to them
"Yes," said Jemima,. "Mummy has mentioned you"
"Has she?" Emma replied beaming
"She said she cannot understand why you and Daddy dont just
fuck and get it over with" Jeremy said.
More swerves, more car horns and a Jesus from Emma.
"Children please!" Guy yelled.
"Mummy says you might be a lesbian, are you a lesbian?" Jemima
"Wow" Emma said ruefully brushing at her raven ringlets and
looking at Guy "Precocious is the word"
"Your mother should know," Guy grumbled.
"I think Ill become a lesbian when I grow up," Jemima
declared to no one in particular.
"Ill become a floaty intellectual then," Jeremy countered
"Thats another thing Mummy calls you," he smiled sweetly
"Highly strung," Guy explained looking embarrassed at his colleague
"They should be," Emma replied curtly with a false smile, causing
Guy to twitch nervously unsure if she was being serious or not.
"Daddy?" Jemima called hurriedly before tugging at Guys
arm. "Daddy, Mummy cannot know because she cannot be a lesbian because
she is having sex with Mike and hes a rugby player, and a man and
Mummy says hes a real man, more of a man than you she says."
Emma laughed aloud.
"Children can we please stop this discussion!" Guy snapped and
hit the CD player hoping that a blast of Pink Floyd would drown out the
"Oh God no!" Emma groaned theatrically and Guy turned to ask
what was the matter.
"You! You are such a boring old prog rocker! God knows why the girls
fall at your feet." She laughed.
"Mummy says Daddy has so many special friends because he has a powerful
electrickery about him," Jeremy explained
"What?" Guy and Emma both asked.
"Yes," said Jemima. "A feral sexual energy was another
term she sometimes uses."
"How do you know about any of this?" Guy twitching, asked with
caution as Emma giggled into her hands
"Mummy tells us you have a rampant libido," Jeremy answered
"And that that is why she cannot live with you," Jemima continued,
"Because you cannot remain faithful"
"And that is why you go off shagging your students all the time,"
"Like the one who looks like Billie Piper," Jemima concluded
whilst taking a great interest in the sandwiches in her lunchbox.
"More like Maris Piper!" Emma said laughing before rummaging
in Guys glove box. "Now I know you have some Clash in here
" she produced a CD and waved it triumphantly "Blondie"
and with a smile placed it into the player and began to rock out to One
Way Or Another.
In the back seat Jeremy and Jemima turned to each other, grimaced and
shook their heads as if to lament adults everywhere.
"I dont remember a Billie Piper do you remember a Billie Piper?"
Guy asked Emma.
"Thats old age" Emma replied patting his arm.
"No, thats selective memory
she must have been a crap
shag" Guy snorted.
A couple of minutes later and they had arrived at the school. The twins
ambled out of the back seat ready to face the day. Guy bid them goodbye
and was about to leave when Emma hurriedly clambered out after the twins.
After a few seconds at the school gates with them, Emma came back into
the car. "Come on then, pedal to the metal" she said. Guy looked
at her confused. "What was all that about?" He asked.
"That? Oh nothing," said Emma with a cheeky wink and a wry smile.
Jeremy and Jemima began their walk to class. "I dont think
that is correct do you?" said Jeremy.
"No" replied Jemima, "I dont think Mummy is a sour
faced French tart like the lady said"
"And I dont think it is possible to put a baguette up there
either do you?" Jeremy queried of his sibling.
"No, no I dont think so, not sideways anyway
and I dont
think Mummy would want to really." Jemima pondered.
"It was nice to meet Daddys friend though," Jeremy said
as they entered the school hall
"Even if she was a bit odd," Jemima concluded.
Guy Block neatly parked the Jensen in his parking space with a renewed
hope for the day.
"Right then" Emma remarked with a smile "Lets go and teach
some more of the youth of today!"
© Mark Cunliffe October 2007
Madeline who thrust her not so petite chest forward a little and giggled
girlishly in that ooh isnt this naughty but who cares
kind of way.
Eddie Cochran once sang of love as being a journey built on Three
Steps To Heaven;
'Step one - you find a girl to love
Step two - she falls in love with you...'
Round The Block
"Wouldnt you agree Prof. Block?"
How would he know. Guy Block hadnt been listening.
There comes a time for everyone when you have to meet someone you used
to know. The very fact that there are billions and trillions of people
in this world and that you do not meet them all yet continue to meet
the same people, the blasts from the pasts is an odd one. But that is
what we do.
Stories in Dreamscapes
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