International Writers Magazine - Our Tenth Year: New York
not Chairman Mao. They can have as many kids as they want, but at least
have the decency to move to the outer boroughs or the suburbs, where the
whole mess can thrive, anaesthetized, like inconscient vegetables in a
Prize and NY Kids
Face Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize and the whole world is in an
uproar. Grizzled former Polish president Lech Walesa, who is no
baby face, denounced the award as premature, complaining, "He
hasnt done anything yet". Walesa is a hardbitten reactionary
who would be happier in the middle ages with Cossacks and ghettos.
Contemporary Polish society is hardcore and backward-looking. Polish
authorities recently denied an abortion to a woman whose doctor
warned that she would go blind if she had the baby. Sure enough,
she went blind. The Polish government was forced to pay her an indemnity,
which amounted to chump change, when the European Court of Justice
ruled in her favor.
In this country,
the reactionary Republicans are frothing at the mouth like rabid dogs
and chewing the carpet, like Hitler, at Obamas prize. They are
livid with rage. They had a good week last week when Chicago lost the
Olympics, happy to ascribe the defeat to Obama, but now they are back
to square one over the Nobel Prize. Rush Limbaugh called it a plot by
cosmopolite Europeans and effete American liberals to sap this country
of its exclusive right to run the world, just as General Jack D. Ripper
accused the Russkies of draining our vital fluids in "Dr. Strangelove".
The Wall Street Journal accused Obama of collaborating with the crooks
and thieves in the United Nations, conveniently forgetting all the domestic
crooks and thieves who looted the American economy and left us in the
lurch, which WSJ is in a position to know if anybody does.
Yeah, American exclusivity! Whatever advantage we had in the twentieth
century we squandered at our leisure with an insane foreign policy and
an insane economic policy. Now Obama is left with a society in shambles
that he is trying to hold together with tape and chewing gum even as
the Republican attack dogs rip out the seat of his pants with sharp
What do I care? If I had been on the committee, I probably would have
awarded the prize to Yankees manager Joe Girardi for building a monolithic,
unbeatable team that is steamrolling its way to uncontested world dominance.
Having the Yanks is the greatest aspect of living in New York. All bow
in thrall to our smoking hickory!
Never mind that. Whatever you want to call it, the Nobel Peace Prize
is a huge public relations windfall for Obama and the Democratic Party,
who have a limited window of opportunity to achieve health insurance,
banking reform and cap-and-trade before next years election, when
the reactionary elements of society will probably win enough seats to
put the brakes to any additional forward motion. Thats the world
we live in a car that keeps clutching.
A few years ago I complained about all the babies people were having.
In my neighborhood you couldnt walk a block without getting trampled
by baby carriages. Families were not having just one kid, they were
having multiple litters, the women calculating that one kid alone was
not enough to lock the guy into a lifetime of indentured servility.
Now, even if the guy tries to make a break for it (and, believe me,
the women, knowing that they have the mens scrotums locked in
a vise, are not seeing any reason to make life soft for them), hes
still contractually on the hook for a lifetime of alimony and child
support. You do the math
OK, so now the little darlings have grown up to small children. Instead
of dodging baby carriages, which have at least got fixed trajectories,
you have to navigate your way through rampaging little piglets careening
out of control all over the sidewalk, like pint-sized Multiple Interballistic
Re-Entry Vehicles, while the mother yaks on her phone or, pharmacologically
enhanced on prescription mood elevators, plots her next coup for social
aggrandizement. It takes a nimble bit of choreography for the pedestrian
to avoid colliding with these elementary particles, because the last
thing you want is to have to engage in social discourse with these urchins
or their mothers, due to the thinly veiled hysteria that is a fundamental
aspect of modern parenting. I can think of two separate instances of
adults who were incarcerated for long sentences for coming into star
crossed contact with other peoples offspring, owing to communal
hysteria, deluded social workers and voracious prosecutors, only to
have their sentences overturned when the charges were determined to
be entirely specious. Unfortunately, there are enough real cases of
unhealthy adult interest in children to lend currency to the aggressive
incontinence of overbearing parents. Better to just refrain from any
contact with children at all costs.
Im not Chairman Mao. They can have as many kids as they want,
but at least have the decency to move to the outer boroughs or the suburbs,
where the whole mess can thrive, anaesthetized, like inconscient vegetables
in a carrot patch. The whole point of sacrificing creature comforts
and living in confined spaces in Manhattan is to steer clear of freakin
family values and screaming brats.
All my life I have been blessed by not having to be exposed to the middle
class, which I have always loathed like the plague, and rightly so.
Unfortunately, my present girlfriend, Magpie, is rather more indulgent
of the whole wretched process. She has married girlfriends and a family.
Sometimes I am dragged into the whole miasma of having to endure these
nasty little scenarios of family bliss. One family told her, "Your
boyfriend has to behave himself around the baby", as though I was
a child molester. The kid was still in its infancy stage, where it could
not even speak yet, but they were fearful that my presence would somehow
spiritually corrupt it through osmosis.
Wait a minute! Whatever happened to the standard that children had to
behave themselves around adults, and not the other way around? That
is ultimately my complaint, the infantilism of society. I believe that
they were just using the kid as a pretext to stop me from saying things
that they themselves, as infantile adults, could not internalize. Just
as AIDS provided an ulterior pretext for clamping the lid on the sexual
revolution and plunging society back into a dark age of its habitual
rut of Puritanism, now the new baby boom is providing a cultural lockdown
of adult intercourse. Social relations have been reduced to the level
of infant formula because, ultimately, that is where the retarded adults
feel most comfortable.
When I was a kid there was a cartoon character named Baby Huey, a 350
lb. yellow duckling dressed in a diaper who constantly destroyed his
whole environment due to the combined factors of his enormous girth
and his infantile brain. I hate to engage in pop psychology, which is
the domain of culturally deprived imbeciles like freakin Doctor Phil,
but traveling around the world as a child with my frenetic mother, I
never saw a gigantic, destructive moron like Baby Huey portrayed in
the comic strips of any of the countries where I lived. In England I
read "Beano", which was filled with Formula 1 adventures and
kids who outsmarted their adults. In France, I read "Pilote",
which was filled with stories of intrigue in exotic overseas locales
and Indian fighters in Americas Far-West, but I never encountered
the kind of overweening dominance that I read in American comics, where
the combination of simplistic moralism combined with irresistible force
to wreak havoc on the physical world. It might be a bit of a stretch,
but given the events of the last 50 years, with knucklehead American
policy makers behaving with reckless abandon and destructiveness in
Asia, Africa and Latin America, oblivious to the destructive nature
of the chaos they inflicted, could be the natural manifestation of an
idiotic, gigantic baby duck who destroys houses and cars by sitting
on them out of addlebrained, puerilistic imbecility, as though a whole
nation of humans had become imprinted on a creature motivated by profound
idiocy. You could say that fat, stupid Rush Limbaugh, with his penchant
for socially destructive behavior, bouncing around in his studio chair
and screaming outrage and destructive invective against any kind of
civilized innovation, totally incontinent and mindless from his longstanding
addiction to Oxycontin, is the living, human manifestation of the Baby
And this reality of Rush Limbaugh, the idiot George Bush, the Elmer
Fudd Show of Dick Cheney with his Looney Toons shotgun, the Freedom
Fries comedy of Bushs defense secretary, Rumsfeld, ultimately
provoked such revulsion in the Nobel selection committee that it pushed
them headlong into the arms of Barack Obama. Whatever else you can say
about Obama, he is deliberate, reflective and he places a great amount
of emphasis on responsible behavior, qualities that are as science fiction
to Republicans, who are visceral stooges. Maybe the aesthetic Norwegians
who compose the Nobel committee awarded him the prize just out of relief
that the worlds most potent economic power and predominant military
machine is no longer being directed by a cabal of infantile twits.
Dean Borok Oct 12th 2009
much like David Lettermans comedy act, but I certainly dont
have anything against the guy personally. He is a performing artist,
not a public official or even a businessperson, and he is not required
to adhere to any professional code of ethics.
a concept for you a code of ethics for comedians! Here are
my proposals for: "A Comedians Code of Ethics"
1. Dont Step
on Your Own Lines
2. Dont Be Boring
3. Dont Turn Off the Audience With Mean-Spirited or Nasty Diatribes
4. Dont Use Your Comedy Act to Resolve Personal Issues
5. Dont Moralize
6. Its OK To Have Fun At Another Persons Expense As Long
As Its Funny
7. No Jokes About Other Peoples Religion. Its OK to make
fun of your own people
8. Dont Piss Off the Club Owner
9. Never Apologize
10. Ignore Any Idiotic Ethics Codes For Comedians
Basically, the only rule of ethics Letterman violated is No. 2, "Dont
Be Boring". Otherwise, hes doing a fine job, depending who
you talk to.
Letterman hasnt done anything wrong. He had a consensual relationship
with an adult woman. That aint a hanging offense. He got shaken
down by a nasty prick, whom he had arrested. He went on TV and let the
audience know what to expect. But he is still getting dragged down.
The other comedians, Jay Leno and Conan OBrien, went easy on him.
I probably would have gone a lot farther, not out of malice but to try
to wring out more laughs. When it comes to making fun of people, I adhere
to the Take No Prisoners school of comedy. Basically, I would have brought
in rubber sex dolls, Roman Polanski, Michelle Phillips, whatever
Letterman should have let it go after his first announcement. After
that he should have gone forward and let the tabloids do whatever they
wanted. By continually referring to it on his own show and turning it
into a soap opera, he is continually breathing new life into it. One
Letterman Show reaches more people than all the newspapers combined.
Going forward, he should ignore it and let the criminal justice system
grind the guy up. Pretty soon people will get tired of reading about
it and it will due under the weight of its own tediousness. But if he
keeps referring to it on his own show, he will destroy his own career.
© Dean Borok Oct 6th 2009
governments "Cash for Clunkers" program expired yesterday
like a Looney Tunes auto breathing its last gasp, even as frantic buyers
were still banging down the door.
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