The International Writers Magazine
He was pulling
on my pajama sleeve. I said, "Be careful. Don't pull on that,
sweetheart, we don't want to crash."
his grip loosened and letting go, he fell beneath me and I yelled "Lonnie"
and saw him looking frightened up at me as he was nearing a crash into
the bedpost. I flew down after him, laughed reassuringly and held out
my arms like wings and shouted, "Dive into the star wave, sweet
boy, and bend into the glowing arc." He put his arms out and began
flying like me and laughed with delight. I swept down closer to him,
careful to avoid any air current that might toss me into the chest of
drawers and when he was close enough I pulled him into my body and said,
"You'll get the hang of it. It's fun, isn't it? Just hold out your
arm and put your hand in mine as though we were dancing and we'll see
how far we can go." He said, "Daddy, there's only this bedroom
to fly around," I said, "but the whole universe is contained
in this room," and he said, "Dad, you know I wasn't going
to fall." I replied, "I just didn't want to be so far away
from you. At first it's lonely being out here alone. Don't worry, I'll
always be near you, always together, and we'll be fine once we get over
the sea and reach that carpet of land where we can put down and rest
until tomorrow night's flight."
I usually circle the room for some time before I choose the spot of
carpet to light upon. I always want to make sure I am clearing jungle
or marshland and so sometimes when obstacles are present I devise a
new route. I can always use the walls for rebounding into greater cruising
or take an alternative wind route that revolves around the lamp and
night table. The sky has been clear and bright these nights and the
navigation's been very easy. Lonnie pulled on my sleeve and said, "Dad,
let me take off and move about on my own," pointing down towards
a soft valley and I said, "It's too soon for that. Not yet. Keep
your arms up and take deeper breaths. Watch out for any sudden shifts
or turns." I pulled Lonnie in closer and locked my hands under
that sweet belly and pressed my face into his. We flew happily all around
like that, cheek to cheek, smiling and whistling and humming "You
are My Sunshine." I'll confess that I was a little worried about
a safe landing because my foot had bumped against the Venetian blinds
and cut my foot. I didn't let on to little Lonnie that I was slightly
wounded. Anyway I figured if there were a problem I'd hold Lonnie's
legs up and just crash and break my legs if necessary. But it never
comes to that. In fact Lonnie's not afraid at all and at one point when
we were gliding south he said, "Daddy, I love you and I love flying
with you And I hope we can go on like this forever." That's what
my precious Lonnie said.
So tell me. What do you think? What do you think of that?
The voice, low and distant, answered, "It's not important now what
I think. This is your session. It's more important what you think."
"I think the boy's crazy about me and he loves our flights together.
But you're the doctor and I'm paying you for your insights. So what
do you make of all this?"
"What do you think I should make of it?"
"Well I thought you would have your attitudes and opinions."
"And what do you imagine those would be?"
"Well, that I was too attached to my son."
"Are you? What else?"
"That I was smothering my son in my 'delusional' world."
"And are you. Do you believe you are? What other response did you
expect from me?"
" I thought that you'd tell me that I was enmeshing his own identity.
You know, that I was not allowing for his individuation process and
that I projected my illusions on him to keep him bound to me as a child."
"Are you? Are they illusions?"
"No I don't believe my flying is illusion. Only the obstacles to
flight are illusions. It begins in dreams, but it is so much more. Can
you imagine this soaring of mine? Should I tell you what it feels like?"
"Do you want to tell me what it's like?"
"It happens suddenly, just as I cross over from the edge of dreams
beyond a threshold into another dimension. Lonnie senses when I arrive
there. His eyes twitch, he smiles and he wants to come along with me.
He's a natural, a real astral intuitive, but he doesn't have the craft
down. He's young. He doesn't know all the subtle dynamics. He'll learn.
He wants to learn. He loves the feeling, the weightless and wondrous
feeling. You see doctor, this night spell you open up to is a luminous
realm and you must approach it with clear faith as though you were entering
a landscape of prayer. You see, doc, first you see stars turning inside
you and you become like space itself. You become lighter than your bones.
You begin to walk the bedroom walls. The ceiling is a constellation
of your own body flaming into bright breath and your mind grows soft
wings that lift you and cradle you up and around into limitless paths
of stars. You can see meteor ships mooring off the coast of Orion. Lonnie
saw it. You can see barges of comet spiders weaving webs that decorate
the gates of the Pleiades. All fears fade in this sphere. You rise and
float in this golden room of mine. And, Doc, this is the best part.
The air and ethers all around uphold and gather you into a cradling
kind of love. Yes, it's love, doc. Love is really the engine of flight.
It's a boundless and weightless love. Do you see, Doc. Heaven, it's
astral heaven I tell you. Do you understand the gift this is, Doc? The
wonder? Can you? Do you understand?"
A voice, low and distant, answers, "Time's up. That's ninety minutes.
See you next week. And do yourself a favor and come on time. Don't be
© Richard Meyer Feb 2004
Memory by R.Meyer
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