Each year the equivalent of a small city dies...
Happy smoking? Just don't read the slogans on the cigarette packs, they
might kill you.
The warning is right there on the packet. You never smoke alone 'someone
is sharing your air'. The warnings are on the bus, the trains and in every
restaurant. You cant do that here dont you know tobacco
smoke hurts babies, are you stupid wheres theres
smoke theres hydrogen cyanide.
Its probably meant to scare smokers to death. If so it isnt
very effective. Theres probably fifteen million Canadians standing
outside their place of work, school, restaurant or shopping mall smoking
furiously before they go back in and breathe the pure air.
Now there are statistics that prove that public sector workers are the
most likely to be smokers, develop lung or heart diseases and be absent
from work for health related problems. (Particularly in Montreal.)
There are statistics I say, but Im not trotting them out here because
there is a new phenomenon out there that hasnt yet got a warning
on the packet. Its called in-house training. Every company has a
human resource department (even if they still call it personnel).
They used to be the people you bitch to when problems occur with your
pay packet and thats all. But now management are using them as a
tool to retrain, reshape and trim the workforce. This workforce
that is usually standing outside in the rain in training to kill
babies and enjoying their hourly fix of hydrogen cyanide.
(Imagine trying to get cigarettes through the FDA new drugs approval scheme
now Anything we should know? Yeah well theres just a
little nicotine in there, a portion of cyanide, just a few side-effects,
we see it as a lifestyle shortening assistant - who do we have to pay
Human Resources are a different kind of enemy, but one just as deeply
engrained in our society with fundamental long-term health side effects.
Recently a company that shall be nameless, but they are large and have
something of a monopoly on telephones in Canada, decided to retrain their
staff to be more responsive and consumer friendly.
It worked, the staff are more friendly and they smile a lot now as they
tell you that you can have anything you want, but not yet, not for quite
a while actually. Old hands tell me that in the old days it was like Moscow
central in there, no smiles, lousy service and you never got what you
wanted. Now it is all change. You can have almost anything as long as
you dont want it now and are prepared to wait. Waiting isnt
something Canadians like to do, as it happens. Americans wont wait
at all and Brits would rather wait than anything else, as long as they
are not being billed for it.
Of course this Canadian company probably made contact with British Telecom
back in the UK and asked how long people were prepared to wait for new
phones and ADSL lines and when they found out promptly lowered their service
to match BT. Its the new thing. Lower your service to match your
competitors. I kind of hope it doesnt catch on, particularly in
the aircraft building companies.
So I cant get a new phone line or ADSL for around three weeks, but
thats OK because the staff smiled at me when they said it. Thats
fine. The training worked. I just surrendered. No point in blowing a fuse
or going to AT&T youd just meet people coming the other
way. Of course when you get worked up most people just want to light up
a cigarette, but Im staring at this slogan that says Cigarettes
cause strokes. Thanks a lot. I slink away towards an endless line
waiting for the bus in pouring rain and there in the gutter is another
empty packet of cigs emblazoned with Cigarettes cause mouth diseases.
Nice picture guys, taking that one to my grave.
Maybe I should stop for a coffee and calm down. In Vancouver, where only
the bravehearted dare smoke, the stress is building and theres a
rumour that theres so much caffeine in the water around the city
the fish are acting strange. But hey, thats OK because guess what,
with Seattle and Vancouver fishermen taking out 180,000 tonnes of hake
this year, never mind quotas on all the other species, there wont
actually be any fish next year, so thats another problem solved
They tell me this city has the least smokers in all of Canada -but that
almost all of them are teenagers and old chinese men. Knowing teens I
think they should be switching the slogans to
'Smoking is good for you' or 'Smoking makes you fat'
a little psychology here might just make inroads here in teen weed habits.
There's no hope at all for the Chinese men they already know it helps
you live forever.
© Sam North July 2002
Vancouver City of clean air and empty seas. Its your future theyre
PS Ranting on the other hand is very stress relieving
So you want to be a Canadian see New
Canadians start here
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