Confessions The Priest
God. Please do not
punish the ones who try. Please do not condemn the lost and searching
souls. We are how you made us. We are within you. Your will shall reign
It was night. You know how confusing the deep darkness that you have
lain upon us can be. You know how far we wander from your light. Have
mercy on us. Thank you, God, for letting me be the one. Thank you, God,
for I am your willing instrument on this earth.
Three they are. More unlike each other than more can not be. The dull,
idiotic brother, Joseph, weak in spirit from birth, he is your chosen
one, I know, he makes it hard for us at times, but we endure and show
the mercy that you have lain within us to spread on all your awkward
creatures. The fierce brother, Joshua, who has not set foot on your
holy ground, who defies your wisdom and caressing kiss. The holy one,
Magdalene, the sister, the white angel you have blessed with the smoothness
of all your angels to magnify yourself in our desolate and unworthy
world. The purest of waters that has come from your wells is barely
worthy of washing her feet. The highest of airs from your magnificent
mountains will bow in admiration when entering her delicate chest.
I was unworthy, Lord to be your servant. I was unworthy to hear your
voice talk forth to me. But thank you. Thank you, Lord, you may not
know how rich my life has become. You may not know how much pleasure
and life it was, when you appointed me to be your humble herald. A child
will come to her. A child that will save the world. Your child, Lord,
reborn to complete the work that was crossed out of our lives.
I followed her, like you whispered to me. I tried not to scare her.
She was so weak. So small. She was not prepared for the epiphany that
you had disposed for her. She was not at all like the angel you had
painted in my dreams at night while I was sleeping in innocence. She
was scared, she screamed in the hollow of the forest. She tried to resist
your heavenly wish. Only when she was quiet, only when she violently
fell asleep, when I was over her, did she resemble the angle that you
had showed me. I left her lying there. So peacefully.
I told her to keep quiet. Her talk would only destroy the holiness that
she has received. When She didnt come back, I sent Joseph out
to look for her. I told him that she was sick and would maybe talk strangely.
Joseph is simple. Wonderful. The words he has in his mouth shall not
be believed by anyone. Maybe he will find his sister. Lying there in
her white dress coiling with her long brown hair. Tonight I have seen
an angel. Thank you, Lord.
In the Forest
You know my name, God. Im Joshua. If you can hear me at all. If
you have ears to listen. If you have eyes to see. But then, why did
you let it happen? Still I will talk to you this one time. Because it
is one of your servants that I will take away from you. He is your servant,
he was your servant when he followed my sister and raped her here in
Joseph, the silent one, he has told me. Did you think that no one would
find out? Were you ashamed? Do you know where my sister ran to, after
Joseph had carried her home, her body tortured and bruised? Nothing
did we know then. Joseph was silent and his thick tongue glued to his
palate. His big puffed face blanched. His slanted eyes hardly open.
He was afraid to see. Because he knew. Because his weak heart couldn't
bear what he presumed. We thought it had been animals, or an accident.
That she had lost her way. We hoped that a good nights rest would clear
her up. Mother saw her twice during the night. Feverishly she was sleeping.
And in the morning, she was gone. Some of her clothes packed. Her bag
gone. Nothing she left behind told us anything.
Joseph, the silent one, he talked. He is much better now then he used
to be. His words are making sense. Like he has learned. He still works
for the priest. He still cherishes him. Joseph is such a good soul.
He does not think bad of anyone. He does not understand what harm is.
Dont let my hate get into him. His plain smile is worth much more
than my horrid detestation.
It is getting darker in the forest. I have the big stone in my hand.
I am waiting. I will not speak. I will not explain, when he comes. It
is not something that he has done to me. He will know when his end is
coming. He will think of her and maybe hope that he hadnt done
what he has. I will let him walk past me. I will let the noise of his
steps creep by and then get his head. I wont have to see him.
I know that this is the way that he will come. I will just wait here.
Wait until he comes.
Lord, have mercy on your poor souls, because they are trying. Blessed
are the lost because they are searching. Do not condemn them for their
deeds, because they do not know what they are doing.
Joshua has talked to me. His eyes have talked to me when I met him on
the street this evening. I noticed that his walk had changed. His back
was straight. His head thrown high. Something has changed within him.
His words were particularly many.
First I thought that maybe he had news of his sister. Magdalene, the
disappeared angel. It must be longer than half a year. On the morning
after I was with her. After you, God, and I joined her in unbound matrimony.
Her mother was very upset. She has not heard anything of her daughter
since. She has run from your glory, God, when she saw it. Maybe she
wasnt the elected one you thought she was.
But he told me about something that I had to come and see in the forest.
He was solemn, like he had been visited by spirits at the least. Something
that has made him wonder about things. A phenomenon he couldnt
explain with his layman eyes. He knows my hobbies. Knows where my interests
are. He was always the first with some remarks about me when he thought
I wasnt able to listen. I have agreed to come.
I sent Joseph. Good Joseph smiling and bowing his head. He didnt
ask why his master was sending him out into the forest. Just you keep
your eyes open, my dear Joseph, I said, and dont talk. Yes, most
important of all, dont talk, youll scare everything away.
Joseph and his slanted eyes, the bulb of a nose wiggling. His small
chin nodding in aspiration. He likes mysteries. Surprises. I kept talking
it into his mind that he must not say a word in the forest. Told him
the route that Joshua has told me.
I know I would be scared, Lord, if I wouldnt have You to guide
me. The world is so full of hate and ill-wishes. Oh Lord, why do your
children slaughter themselves? Why do they hate each other so deeply?
Where is goodness to be found? Please do not punish the ones who try.
Please do not condemn the lost and searching souls. We are as you made
Dear God. I am taking my time here alone from all the noise of the people
to think. My child has died in my womb. Right now it is somewhere far
and cold. Maybe you heard that I did not want it. Thank you that I am
still healthy and that the abortion did not do me any harm. I dont
want to deny anyone the right to live. This one child just wouldnt
have been right. I did not feel love, and without love I do not want
to bear a child. Please let me sleep without thinking of the horrible
things people have done to me because they are weak. Because they are
strong. Because they have lost their respect for anything. Please let
me feel clean again. I know you do not condemn. I know you do not punish.
You cry. Cry with me, God, because tonight we are sad. We will laugh
again tomorrow. But not tonight.
Your will reigns in our will on earth.
© Aaron Bone,
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