a film review by Alex Grant
...this indigestible stew
(in credits order)
Benjamin Bratt .... Detective
.Mousy Julie Gabrielle
Union Gabriel Mann
Directed by Stephen Gaghan
Writing credits Stephen Gaghan
Produced by Lynda Obst (producer)
Edward Zwick (producer)
Purely in terms of crass and inapposite dialogue there are more genuine
"howlers" in the godawful script penned by TRAFFIC scenarist
Stephen Gaghan for his directorial debut thriller ABANDON than there are
howler monkeys resident in the Amazon Delta . And those chattering chittering
South American primates never fail to put ones nerves right on edge
ABANDON is no less of a success in irritating the hell out of the viewer.
It defies belief that the unfortunate cast and crew attached to this miserable
non-event did not simply down tools and walk away from the set and location
and slit their wrists. They must have needed the money and held their
noses and averted their gazes during the shoot. Better to have gone out
and shot themselves in the foot.
A gaggle of back-stabbing college geeks are troubled by the sudden disappearance
of their resident self-appointed genius Embry, who vanished off the face
of the earth two years back Id say "Good Riddance to
Bad Rubbish"., Embrys delusions of grandeur being entirely
off-putting. His self-declared brilliance is more off-putting than rampant
This musical maestros
main squeeze, Katie (Katie Holmes) a petulant, pouting burn-out with
all the charm of a cornered alley-cat is tracked assiduously by a recovering
substance-abuser cop called Wade (Benjamin Bratt), assigned to solve
this cold case by Missing Persons.
Did nobody notice that what was missing was wit, charm, suspense, plausibility
and all evidence of movie-making knowhow?
For what seemed to me like KP, two weeks of peeling potatoes in The
Brig, ABANDON lazily circles the drain like greasy, fetid, filthy dishwater
swill that even the sewer pipes are reluctant to swallow!
Abandon all hope ye who enter a theatre exhibiting this indigestible
stew of clod-hopping clichés gone bozo.
© Alex Grant October 2002-.
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