a New Way of Living
'In making that choice to be single again I have to live with
the decisions that I make concerning myself and the directions
I take in my life.'
is inevitable, one cannot go on just as it has always been, that is
impossible. However, how we react to that change is up to us. There
is a book I highly recommend called "Who moved my cheese"
by Spencer Johnston M.D. It is a metaphor for how easy or hard change
I am undergoing a huge change in my life. My husband of 22 years is
moving downtown with my son and my oldest daughter will only be with
me for four more months before she too flies the coup. Then it will
just be my fourteen year old daughter, cat, dog and moi. This means
selling the large home of course and downsizing to a smaller, but still
roomy enough house that can accommodate children and animals coming
and going. These changes are stressful in their own right but alongside
promoting a newish business and balancing who has what, as well as adjusting
to single hood again, it will indeed be challenging. I am also hopeful
there will be adventures along the way..
Fortunately my (former) husband and I get on very well, just the usual
thing of we went astray in our marriage and instead of being partners
and lovers we ended up friends and pals. This however makes for very
good relationships when separating from one another. Why have all the
bitterness? We have been together for a long time, have three children
together and have traveled some bumpy roads. There is a bond that will
always be there. I will always love him but alas not be in love with
him. He will now do the male bonding thing with our son of 18 years,
and I will do the girly thing with the girls. I will decorate my new
home with warm, soul pleasing colours and I will move more vigorously
forward with my business and meet new people to expand my horizons of
Is it going to be easy? No, I had to wait for some time before I could
get to this place and time. I had to plant seeds, water them and watch
them grow, most of all only accept a peaceful outcome. To do this you
have to have faith in yourself, which in itself is an interesting journey,
and to have faith in a higher power, for all healing comes about with
a positive attitude and trust in time.
When one imagines change, you have to see yourself after the initial
changes have been done, or you will not make it through. The details
are consuming and there are a lot of issues that will mean you have
to be flexible. Even though I will be a single woman again I am far
from free. With a young daughter to look after and two dependent pets,
a home and a business, I cannot say I am free.
However, I am free to make my own choices (aside from my duties) and
choose my own direction. I can choose to socialize with, and pursue
what and whom I want. Choice is freedom. In making that choice to be
single again I have to live with the decisions that I make concerning
myself and the directions I take in my life. This will take some getting
used to and some adjustments. I choose to make it fun and an adventure
in the best way I can.
After we have moved and got settled first thing is to go full steam
ahead with my business, "The Art of Positive Living" (www.positiveliving.ca)
I love what I do because I love seeing peoples minds unravel and the
understanding light bulb come on. It is never dull and always introduces
something new to the equation. I will meet people through work, plus
I intend to meet people through joining things. (This city has so much
to offer we are spoiled for choice). I am putting my Kokomo (border
collie) in to herding lessons this summer. She and I will go for long
walks exploring this wonderful province (British Columbia) that we live
I have already been decorating my new home in my mind, (which I have
not yet bought or seen) and decided on a three colour scheme. I will
use all three colours in my living room and then use the individual
colours in adjoining rooms. I lay awake at night creating a new space;
I am really trying my own patience. This is whom I am, always creating
something and visualizing the future. I am also a believer that you
have to visualize what it is you want for the universe to see it also.
How can the cosmos energy help you if you do not ask in a clear fashion?
And beware, as the saying goes "be careful for what you ask for,
you just might get it." I ask within my logical boundaries and
for what I believe that I deserve. I truly believe it will be answered,
as it has been so in the past. I did not get here alone, the positive
energy in the world guided me here, I listened and felt it and now from
dark ness to light I have been guided to a new beginning.
You have to believe in something, start with yourself and then a power
that is so strong that it is hard to avoid. It does not matter what
you believe in or who, ( keep it positive) but only that you have a
faith that you trust in and speak to and let guide you in life. You
cannot do it all alone, no matter what you think. We need, and as needers
we must look to something positive and enlightening in order to grow
with a peaceful heart and an open mind. There is darkness around us
all the time, and it is easy to be drawn to the constant negativity
that is bombarding us. Trust your gut, look up and start feeling the
life within you and around you, you are not alone, but some journeys
which lead to a stronger more fulfilling life, have to be made alone.
Who and what you believe in is YOUR choice. Your journey is to look
for it with an open mind heart and soul. It can be done, I have done
it, and so have many others. Scary? Yes it can be, but all so rewarding
when you reach those checkpoints and you know that finally you are going
somewhere and you like it.
So off to a new life I go. Where it will lead me and who I will meet
on the way, I do not know, but I will place my trust in my faith and
know that I am not alone and that my journey will be fun, and enlightening.
I will give you an update in the fall. May your journey be a safe and
open one.filled with excitement and new wonders.
© Sara Towe June 2003
and more from Sara Towe
Love - Kitty hate
up in Cape Town
A Parents Message
Signs of Life
Positive thinking = positive living.Sara Towe.
To know more about Saras site go to www.positiveliving.ca
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