FACIAL HAIR AND WORLD POLITICS
DIGGLER, SADDAM NATION, AND THE METAPHYSICS OF MOUSTACHE HATING
The moustache is a strange kind of facial haircut.
Greg and Jane Lodge
is a mask that defines the wearer. An enigma, an anomaly, a French legacy
that is invariably a facial focus point. To some like West Bengals
Bhupati Das, the moustache is 4 foot long and requires oiling twice
daily, the culmination of six years cultivation in an attempt to break
the world moustache weight lifting record of 24kg.
To others like Cricketer Merv Hughes and porn star Dirk Diggler, it
is a centrepiece, a focus shifter that makes it difficult for people
to keep their eye on the ball(s).
But to many, the moustache grows in the 5oclock shadow of a nasty
stigma, a general perception that it is a close relative of tyranny;
despots and dictatorships.
Moustache hating is the legacy of this perception.
The Metaphysics of moustache hating
80 years ago when Marcel Duchamp drew a moustache on a copy of the Mona
Lisa, the moustache was perceived as ridiculous. Now it is an object
Why is this? Why is the moustache so hated?
Enter Adolf Hitler.
Hitler was responsible for a spate of moustache hating that has never
He was the forerunner of what is known as the modern marketing executive,
committed to the discovery and manipulation of the fears and unconscious
drives of the masses.
Or could he be the father of modern politics, able to sell a holocaust
and an amoral war to a nation that had in the past produced much of
the best of Europes philosophy and culture
Hitlers moustache is so symbolic of evil that it is renowned among
graffiti artists as the equivalent of devils horns in the defacement
of public icons.
The second key despot in the moustache hating chronology is Josef Stalin.
Born Iosif Visarionovic Dzhugashvili, Stalin was toted by a small minority
(himself) as a universal genius, source of limitless wisdom and benevolence.
Despite this he goes largely unrenowned as an academic (or a philanthropist),
and is better remembered as a mass murderer with a god complex.
But these are only two of a mass of murderous, moustached dictators
who have put their choice of facial appendage through a public relations
A prime example is former Haitian dictator Francois "Papa Doc"
Duvalier, who in 1967 changed the Lords Prayer to read
" Our Doc, who art in the National Palace for life, hallowed by
Thy name by present and future generations. Thy will be done in Port-au-Prince
as it is in the provinces. Give us this day our new Haiti and forgive
not the trespasses of those anti-patriots who daily spit upon our country..."
Other renowned tyrants to wear the moustache have included Augusto Pinochet
(President of Chile), Jean Bedel Bokassa (Emperor of the Central African
Empire), George Palpadopoulos (the Prime Minister of Turkey), Turgat
Ozal (Prime Minister of Greece), Colonel Hugo Banzer (President of Bolivia),
General Jorge Rafael Videla (President of Argentina), Vinicio Cerezo,
(President of Guatemala), Alfredo Cristiani (President of El Salvador),
Sir Hassanai Bolkiah (The Sultan of Brunei), General Sitiveni Rabuka
(Commander of the armed forces of Fiji), Chiang Kai Shek (President
of Taiwan), Ngo Dinh Diem (President of South Vietnam), Mohammed Zia
Ul Haq (President of Pakistan) and Jean Claude Baby Doc
Duvalier (President of Haiti).
Evidently, Totalitarianism and the moustache walk hand in hand along
the path of history.
But never has the moustache been so hated, so symbolic of dictatorship
as in the case of Iraq.
The Iraqi people are living in Sad-damnation.
Saddam has graffitied over their culture, repainting the whole nation
in his image, superimposing centuries with the image of the moustache.
To someone who knows Saddam only at a distance, the moustache is his
defining feature. It is smack bang in the centre of his face. A big
black bush that commands your attention, dictates your stare, goads
you in its smugness.
It seems entrenched in his psyche, in fact they seem so inseparable
it is like they are joined at the lip.
If Saddam were a nation the moustache would be his dictator.
But Saddam is a nation and this is why everyone and everything associated
with Iraqi totalitarianism has been branded like cattle, ownership defined
by the image of the moustache.
Switch on the television.
It is like the Iraqi people are trapped in a Hahn light commercial.
The moustache is still there but big Merv isnt, only Saddam, everywhere.
On every billboard, on every street corner, at the health club, he is
inescapable. Wake up, you feel the bristles against your skin, Saddam
is sleeping soundly on your shoulder.
But the mark of the moustache is more than just Saddam laden billboards
or a tortured landscape, it is on the people themselves.
In the lead up to the US attack footage abounded of Saddam and his Baathist
party generals, sitting around large, official type tables, pouring
over maps, perusing documents.
And then there were the images of Baghdad, streets and markets, reporters
seeking the perspective of ordinary Iraqis. The most striking
thing about these images was the all-pervasive presence of the moustache.
Saddam has reinvented a whole nation in his image, and now he is starting
on the people. Body doubles are popping up all over town. But maybe
moustache branding in Iraq has gone even further than we know.
Somehow Saddam has managed to survive numerous CIA assassination attempts
and rebel uprisings.
But maybe it is all a ruse. Maybe the original Saddam is actually dead.
Maybe, like the Ghost who walks, when one Saddam dies a new person secretly
assumes the moustache mask.
If Saddam doubles may only be distinguished by the size of the ears,
hands and shape of the shoulders, does this mean they share an identical
Could the plan be for an immortal dictator?
Conspiracy Theories aside, to a westerner, whose knowledge of Iraq comes
from the television set, the proliferation of the moustache on the faces
of Iraqi men looks suspiciously like Saddams doing.
Like conformity to the state requires 2 million people with a cloned
A Saddam Nation branded with his most distinguishing feature.
From Moustache Hating to Moustache war
Currently moustache hating has reached fever pitch, manifesting itself
in a moustache war as Operation Iraqi Freedom attempts to pluck the
hairs one by one from the face of the Saddam Nation.
Does this signal the beginning of the end for dictators around the world?
Is the moustache in serious stubble?
Not in the cosy world of the US government as they promote freedom with
one hand and snatch it away with the other. Fashion sure is a fickle
One minute they love the moustache, the next minute they hate it.
Even now, as Operation Iraqi Freedom rolls through Iraq, the US Government
is greeting their newest ally, Pakistani Dictator General Musharreef.
One of the main justifications for the war has been Saddams gassing
of the Kurdish town of Halabja in 1988. Funny how these things become
so significant 14 years later, unfortunately they werent so concerned
at the time. Eleven months after the atrocity the US Secretary of State
James Kelly flew to Baghdad to tell Saddam Hussein,
"You are a source of moderation in the region, and the United States
wants to broaden her relationship with Iraq."
One minute Saddam is getting weapons and training from the CIA, the
next Baghdad is looking like a 12 mile crater.
Uncle Sam may not wear a moustache himself but he is definitely making
a good living as a barber, installing moustaches on the faces of others.
In 1986, US military support for the contra rebels in Nicaragua resulted
in the death of tens of thousands of people, and saw them condemned
by the world court for international terrorism.
In Haite, Chilli, Somalia, Yugoslavia and the Dominican Republic, millions
of people have died at the hands of terrorists and dictators whom the
US government has supported, trained, bankrolled and supplied with arms.
Its the same old story, build them up and tear them down.
So maybe its time we started focusing on the man rather than the
After all, Dictators dont have a monopoly on tyranny and lies.
© Greg and Jane Lodge April 19th 2003
The Benign Moustache?
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