International Writers Magazine: Reality Check
THE ISRAELI DEFENSE FORCE SUMMER TOUR
On The Road Again With The Humorless Kill Machine The Israeli Defense Force has gone crazy. This is not good news for anyone in a turban with an Allah fixation.
Faster Pussycat Kill Kill
It is worse news for anyone standing next to these people. At least the militants will be massacred for a cause, however extraordinarily pathetic that cause might be. The rest are just human run-off. Innocence does not matter. Innocence is like a speed bump to the world's fiercest fighting unit. Innocence. Regret. Conscience. Mercy. These are not in the vocabulary. The IDF does not scare. It does not wince. It just keeps coming. Retreat? Only when the USA says so, like six years ago when Lebanon began to emerge from the dark ages. Otherwise, it's hardcore advancing. Pure. Brutal. Destruction.
But it's not World War III or the End of Times, or anything else the kooky Sayyed Hassan Nasrallah says it is. It is horrible for some, devastating for most, and scary for all -- but it is only the beginning. In all due respect to Nasrallah, who will likely be a charred corpse by the time I finish this column, his Hezbollah, just like al Qaeda or the PLO, is merely a pawn in a greater game. Soon, when Iran finally stands up for itself, instead of funding cheap hit-and-run artists, and Syria gets its collective head out of its ass, then Isreal will have a real enemy to pummel. Perhaps then the USA can get involved, or the UN, or some other impotent gaggle of neckties. Until then it's crazy time. Hey, it's not like we didn't warn these idiots: "As far as Iran taking over as 'The New Threat', many familiar with the region and the country's capabilities for war know it pales in comparison to what Israel holds and is more than willing to use at the drop of a hat. And pretty soon, if someone is wacky enough in this crumbling administration to will it, there could be word that they'll have to fend for themselves. And once the IDF gets the green light, they will point the finger at Iran.
Go ahead and tally up the potential devastation. I dare you. Know this: The Iranians will not come out on top. Lebanon should not be left out of the equation either. It's as good a reason as any for why 16 years of rebuilding has gone kablooey in a few days. Just think of it as another democratic experiment gone awry in the theocratic capital of the world. Hezbollah running Lebanon. Hamas running Palestine. The Israeli Defense Force going ballistic. Either way you slice it, it's bad press for starting democracies in crazyland. Freedom is just a word. Adolf Hitler was free. Genghis Khan too. All those slave owners from the birth of this nation until the military smacked them around were free as birds. Free. Free. Free. But, as is my wont, I digress.
So Iran wants to drag Israel into a two-front war? Drag the U.S. into the mess to make the kind of waves it takes to keep North Korea off the crazy charts for a weekend? Sounds good in the pitch, but once the script is fleshed out and the casting is done and the director is on board, all you're left with is Iran in a two-front war: Whipping up Shiite mania in Iraq to kill American soldiers while keeping the soon-to-be severely fractured Hezbollah in the game. Meanwhile, here comes the IDF. Pissed. Armed. Razing the landscape. Running amok. Not too bright. But then Iran can never be obliterated. Too big. Worth too much to too many people. They can afford to be stupid. Syria? They're a whole other thing altogether. The rest of the world would hardly bat an eye if Syria were torched from the desert. What excuse does Syria have for being involved in this Islamic suicide pact? At least the Israelis are a threat to democracy because of over-zealous military vengeance, and Iran is clearly insane, but if Syria thinks it's going to get a pound of flesh for being unceremoniously booted out of Lebanon last year by acting as a tinderbox for this giant ball of Hebrew flame coming down the pike, then it has sorely miscalculated. Hope they really dig Mohammad, because he's going to have some serious company soon.
The saddest of all is when finger-waving, red-faced loons start speaking out from these apoplectic religious outposts: "We will rain down terror and rejoice as the blood of your children run rivers through the streets!" Sure, on the wrong end of a one-to-ten ratio, skippy. It's like watching those painful pre-event interviews with the morons who insist on "running with the bulls" in Spain. They seem so confident, almost beatific, a tangible sense of joy wafts across their rosy expression. Then they are speared by a full-charge, grunting beast and they cry for their mommies. You want to jump through the screen and stop these blathering zealots. Tell them they are loved. Drink a beer. Listen to a little James Taylor. Get a job. But don't fuck with Israel. Especially an Israel that has a weakened United States two doors down dealing with a pile of shit six-feet deep. It's a recipe for a heaping portion of death. But it's too late now. The ass kicking has begun. Every once in a while the ass kicking is needed. Every so often the fervent believers have to be shown the real deal: Missiles. Tanks. Real Soldiers. And not the U.S. kind with the compassion and rebuilding and securing towns, but the blasting and pillaging and crush, kill, destroy. Every so often, more so than not, the crazies get crazy in crazyland.
© James Campion July 21st 2006
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