ABANDONING REASON AT THE FORT
CHECK with James Campion
are real now. Not even Georgetown is answering my calls'.
has been an egregious breech of security here at the Reality Check
War Room. The morale of the group is down, and passions have been
splintered by the day. This once proud conclave, and its failed
dream of finding the sense in this government's foreign doings in
the face of a three-front police action has rendered these once
hearty souls to back-biting pansies. And unlike many of these anonymous
cretins, I have to answer for it.
Our findings have been appearing in this paper and across the globe on
the Internet for over a month under my name, and not one of these people
have so much as considered the safety of its author. These are desperate
times. This country is on the brink of war inside the most volatile region
on the planet with little to no international support. Now is not the
time for leaks and dissent within the group. Now is the time for rabid
But, alas, the local authorities have been alerted to our clandestine
barnyard meetings, and all hope of dissecting the truth from a rotting
corpse of bullshit has been compromised. Needless to say the floodlights
at Fort Vernon have been ordered to stay on until further notice and the
digging of the memorial Mr. Kitty Mote has been put on hold.
If I thought for one minute anyone would find us, I surely would not have
written the insane shit that has been running in this space lately. This
nonsense about Colin Powell taking a dive for the Pentagon or burning
flags or ceding from the Union is, of course, all a joke.
Satire. Yes, that's what I do best. Poking holes in the hypocrisy of human
endeavor with the sharpness of my pen. Sure. It is an art form to be admired,
not vitriolic blather to be feared and evidence for restitution.
My fears are real now. Not even Georgetown is answering my calls.
There has been a lockdown in Washington for ten months and after that
staged kissy-face showcase between the Commander and Chief and the White
House press corps its time to prepare for the worst. And God help the
next lame bastard who asks a president about Viet Nam every time two American
troops meet anywhere. Of course the president thought it a "good
question", a troll could have defused it. Many of our best War Room
commandos exited in shame after that dog and pony show last night. The
diligent watchdog press has been felled.
Objective commentary is dead. In its wake remain only extremists, the
woefully confused peace-protesters and the shills for war. There is no
more middle ground. Get on board or get out of the fray.
The weaker of us saw it coming last night. And those who were left to
listen for the police sirens could only stare into space. We were not
prepared for this to get real. We foolishly believed there was hope in
knowing the truth, not versions of the truth seen through prisms of political
ideology and diplomacy-speak. But it was all a big fuck-around, and now
it is done.
I should have heeded my original hesitance to be involved with this charade.
Twelve long years of this crap over 17 pointless UN resolutions. It's
like watching tapes of old Super Bowls and rooting for the Buffalo Bills.
Hussein is not going to surrender and no Bush with the power of the free
world is going to let this go without bloodshed.
But before we broke camp, the majority of the remaining warriors decided
to be the only journalists to actually print a date when the beginning
of end for Saddam Hussein will be. By the time this column hits the streets
on 3/12, the first bombs will have fallen in Iraq, and as stated in this
space before, the whole thing will be over within the month. That's my
beloved mother's birthday. She is the ultimate warrior.
It might even be the day triplets will be born in Syracuse.
I'll be out front finishing this mote. Then we will hope, with everyone
else, that Captain Shoe In's vengeance crusade doesn't open up the can
of worms his father's failed miss.
© James Campion March 2003
I have a big dick, and frankly, I'm insulted by your comments in you
article "Selective Heroism". You are no better than that Hootie
guy that won't let women play in the Masters. You, sir, are an obvious
I wish they'd put you on T.V. I love it, thank you.
I know my letters to you have a propensity for ass references, but like
they say, "play to
Regarding your "Price of Safety Rises"; sure, let the cops do
they want: read my email, tap my phone, sit in a little van down the
street and watch me whack my bag to "Charmed" reruns. But if
wrong about me, I get to stick a plunger up their ass. And I get to do
where everything is getting done these days: on TV. Oh, and don't try
get me on a technicality, like I ripped the "Don't remove..."
my mattress. If they spy on me and can't prove that I'm doing what they
believe I'm doing to warrant this attention, they get the toilet-stick
right up the old poop chute.
Your article hit the spot after this crazy week! I say, bring on the
How amazing it is that now we crucify the Bush Administration for
terror alerts and doing "something". He is damned if he does
and he's damned
if he doesn't. If he doesn't release the terror alerts and some Koran
reading wack job lights off a biological weapon on the 7 train in NYC,
he will be killed in the press for not letting us know about it
beforehand. Now the Bush Administration is saying you want advance notice,
fine, we will warn you every time we are notified or discover a potential
As for the economy, it was proved that the 2000 GAO numbers were
cooked by the Clinton Administration much like they overstated the
recession in '92. James, I am a former US Army Ranger who has been deployed
overseas and I have seen the rabid anti-American nature of some folks
out there. If you ever traveled overseas from as recently as the 1980's
you will know that Germany hates us, the Italians tolerate us, nations
in Central America love our Yankee dollars but hate us. So I believe
that the State Department is receiving "credible" threats about
willing to make a move against us.
The fact that the government is telling us is much better than the
"catch me if you can" administration of the 1990's.
Goddamn this was funny! I love the "...cub reporters introducing
frightful video of tanks backing into malls in downtown DC and uncovering
blueprints to build a bubble car to truck Dick Cheney to his weekly heart
Just caught the show Frontline on PBS which did a great two-parter
on the Gulf War which showed the tactics Bush 1 et al used to get
America behind that war: "they're stealing incubators and leaving
on the floor to die." One thing is certain about Gulf "The Empire
Strikes Back" War 2: no amount of alcohol is gonna make this tart
fuck-worthy to anybody. Doesn't feel right in my gut. If we were chasing
Laden I'd be all for it.
Yet another diatribe of liberalistic garbage to hype up the flower
carrying, tye dye, worthless and contradictory generation of fools from
60s' and to our great misfortune, their current clueless successors who
now march and gather in protest. We must not allow the likes of
someone like Jim to brainwash our utterly ignorant youth into following
Hunteresque gibe of liberal feebleness. Right wing Americans stand
together united, if not to back your President, then to squash this nambie
pambie excuse for so-called journalism. I say use this article as a
Charmin substitute, (forgive the chaffing, it will heal quickly) to send
message that we will not stand for this sort of tripe but instead will
tune our radios that to modern day sage, Mr. Rush Limbaugh and listen
without reason, but follow, follow, follow.....you are getting very
sleepy, very sleepy, Jim is wrong, Jim is wrong, repeat after me Jim is
know what the Axis of Evil is?
Money. Money. Money.'
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