REALITY CHECK - HUNTING
hunters? The irony is admittedly sweet, but it is still a crime
here in New Jersey.
you live in my neck of the mountainous woods, or some points beyond,
like places in New Jersey where no one reads or down in NYC, where the
Village Voice is now being run by despots, you will hear a great deal
of nonsense about some letter that was written to PETA (Protection for
the Ethical Treatment of Animals) about organizing a vigilante group
to shoot bear hunters here in the greater Vernon area. You will also
hear a lot of crazy talk about hooded nefarious types involved with
'The Desk' and other seedy individuals seen leaving Fort Vernon with
fatigues and bull horns and detailed maps of black bear hunting routes.
This is wrong.
Slander is the better word. And those who wish to attach me to such
scurrilous rumor will pay dearly, but not with their life. We here at
Fort Vernon preach pacifism and civil disobedience, and even though
the odd ass stomping must be administered to the right people, a glorious
acceptance of peace and love.
I say let the bears fend for themselves. Its natural selection.
Im sure there were plenty of Native Americans perfectly happy
to hang here without any of the white mans bullshit. But they
are gone now, and so soon will the bears be gone.
I didnt invent madness. I just comment on it. And now people who
contemplate the parameters of my wifes animal rights zealousness
now think it necessary to drape me with all kinds of sick innuendo about
feeding puppies to traveling bears to properly arouse their taste for
blood and then dangle fresh raccoon meat from car antennas during midnight
runs off side roads on Route 23.
As if the odd prank could even begin to organize the bear population
to break into kitchens or feed on discarded infants. I know the images
are harsh, but you have no idea what kind of bizarre shit goes on up
here late night when the bear comes out. Its like a concentrated
microcosm of SARS or Anthrax scares when nothing really happens but
panic. We dont have terror alerts in the mountains. We have black
Why do you think Orson Wells picked Jersey for his little radio ruse?
It works well on the panicky kind. And we have so many up here its
hard to fathom.
The good people of Sussex county or PETA have apparently not heard of
Manifest Destiny or the United States army or the NJ State Police, and
they want to shoot off their mouths and get smarmy about citizens taking
up arms and cutting down those involved in some Neanderthal hunting
activities up here.
I must rail against such nonsensical talk. Killing hunters? The irony
is admittedly sweet, but it is still a crime here in New Jersey. At
the very least it coincides with the Ten Commandments, and in my continued
study of the Bible and other subversive material, that is where the
No, I must not only take my name off such irresponsibly and criminally
insane rhetoric, but I must implore my fellow Vernonites to bow to clearer
solutions and allow the natural order of things to take hold.
That is what we were taught in Civics 101 and Sunday school and at the
lap of Grandpa, who told us to "Keep our friends close and our
enemies closer" and "Dont let your right hand know what
your left hand is doing" and other bits of wisdom that has outlasted
dusty paperweights like the Bible.
But one thing this kind of reverse guerilla media warfare accomplishes
is to alert us to this latest ham-handed attempt at silencing strange
journalists with methods best left unsaid and unwritten and understood
quite differently by people who dont consider their environment
and the dangers it presents.
The truth dies hard up here. Bear are a much easier target.
© James Campion May 2003
MANDATE & OTHER SILLY CLAIMS
Hackwriters by James
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