BORE & GUSH
could ya write a better screenplay? Its like first they
give Florida to Gore and then like an hour later they say ah, no , sorry
made a mistake, takin it back. My bad. Too close to call. And
its like my daughters there crying and Im in shock
thinkin made a mistake, they never make a mistake. Seemed like
all of a sudden they got a call on the red phone from Vito or Dominick
sayin give the ball to Georgie, capeesh gentlemen?
Then later on they give it to Bush, then they take it away, then...
Did I mention that the state in question, the state that would ultimately
decide the election of the Presidency of the United States of America,
happens to be governed by the brother of the Republican candidate? What
are the chances of that happenin Gomer? Hello?
But thats cool, thats okay, cause hell excuse,
recuse, diffuse (Jesse Jackson may I help you? Talk about a cheap imitation
of one the greatest speakers of the 20th century, can the man stop rhyming
for a blankin minute and maybe get a life?) himself of any of
the political upheaval or decision making process that will surely ensue.
Thought that was greatttt news, total impartiality, until I find out
that the woman in charge of giving the final verdict, believe it or
not, actually ran Jebs campaign in Florida! Talk about a coincidence.
Shes definitely objective. For sure. And what kind of name is
Jeb anyway? What the hell were those parents thinkin? Bible belt
youre on the air!
So now weve reached this, for lack of a better term, total atrocity
and breakdown of the greatest (Ill admit it Im prejudiced)
governing/political system in the world. So many questions, so little
time, not the least of which being, arent there only 300 votes
separating them as we speak. Didnt it used to be like 1700? Howd
that happen? Are all the states as disorganized and inept as Florida?
Should we recount every state? And isnt 300 beyond close? Like
6 million votes total, and theyre separated by a grain of sand.
Its gold I tell ya. Like Fosses choreagraphing it from
And how come states use different balloting criteria and methodologies?
Why isnt it uniform throughout our nation? Wouldnt that
make sense? I mean I went into this beautiful little, totally electronic
booth that youd have to be a total moron to mess up and then ya
look at Florida, dare I say Palm Beach, and its like 1953 revisited.
Punching little holes in a card and dropping them in a ballot box? Did
they get them on ebay?
Is this on? Testing 1,2,3
And talk about an all star cast! Im watchin Daley the other
day thinkin where have I heard that name before? "Ah maybe
Barry cause his father was Mayor of Chicago for 100 years son".
Think he has any political experience? Then they fly Baker down there
and if hes not the coolest son of a bitch in the world. No offense
to ole Warren, but Baker could eat Gore, Bush and Cheney for lunch,
with a side of toasted, check that, bageled Lieberman. Definitely Bushs
best move. Such a manner, charisma about him, whatever Baker says I
totally believe. Earth is flat. Long live Jim!
And God bless the media coverage. Havent seen television like
this since the Gulf War. Used to love Wolf whatever his name was from
CNN with those Scuds and Patriots. All that unbelievable footage, live
via satellite, 24/7. Wherever you looked it was the Gulf War Crisis.
And now its Tallahassee.
Which brings me to my final thought. Really felt there should be no
recount, thought fair is fair. I know the ballots were slightly confusing.
I know the people are old, I lived in Florida for a couple years, pop.
Remember going like 50 mph on the highway one day and saw these old
people way up ahead walking slowly across the street. I had the green
light but that didnt matter. If I didnt slam on the brakes
there would have been 3 dead (albeit old) Jews. Its nice to have
grandparents, but ah, 10,000 living in a 2-mile square radius can make
ya a little nutty my friend. How many cheeks can ya squeeze!
So yeah, really didnt think there should be a recount until
Im watchin Bush the other nite on television rebutting the
Gore plea for peace. Did ya catch George W. (and why is it always W?
Why not George Jr.?) by chance? Am I the only guy that thought there
was like a gun pointed at his head? He looked so nervous, stiff, forced,
wood-like if you will, actually seemed to be on the verge of regurgitation
like his father.
And you could see his eyes moving back and forth as he read from the
teleprompter, like theyd kill his kid being held hostage at knifepoint
if he screwed up. Or like he had stolen an apple from old man Johnsons
yard and his dad was making him apologize and give it back. Or like
he was in front of the school at assembly giving a speech on anti-abortion
and the death penalty. Or like he was three and had just gone to the
bathroom in his pants, minus the diaper. Been there, done that. Newest
indian name scarredforlife.com.
It was then and only then that I said to myself, would it really hurt
to recount the vote? Seriously. Thinkin the mans lookin
a bit guilty, knows somethin maybe that us common folk arent
privy to. If hes this anxious now, how bout when hes
dealing with the Ruskies, Arafat and Sadam. Oyvey!
I dont know, maybe Im gay or somethin, or maybe I
do live in "Hollywood", but there has to be some sort of integrity
given to the highest office in the land. The President has to live on
a different plain then we mortals do. I mean after all, thats
why they are the blankin President for Christs sakes, right?.
Clinton unfortunately didnt live up to that standard, course we
all knew going in he had a tendency, a bit of an eye towards the ladies,
we just wanted to overlook it when faced with our alternative choices.
More importantly, what do we really know about Bush going in?
On that note, Im Barry Mitchell.
And until next time, be yourself.
© Barry Mitchell 2000
You can reach Barry Mitchell at: firstname.lastname@example.org
*Can Gore claw back now Bush is the Man in Waiting?
Barry will let us know pretty soon!
< Back to Index
< Reply to this Article