EROTIC EMAIL - GENUINE EXCHANGES
• Only the names have been changed to spare the guilty parties
REMINDER:
Never give out your password or credit card number in an instant message conversation.

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James says:
Your still on my list... how did you get there.... Who do we both know?
Jess says:
Could it be Plumridge? a few of her other friends were on my list too?
James says:
Russell?
Jess says:
? me dont know him?
James says:
Anyone at TVtest?
Jess says:
Ahhhhhh... my friend Steve used to be...
James says:
What little Stevie?
Jess says:
YES!
James says:
Next time you see him, pass on my regards
Jess says:
Will do! So now that we have established how we dont know each other, what do u do? are you a nice person? should I continue talking to you? (I'm FAB by the by...) !
James says:
tricky one, I'm tempted to say yes, but you'll just ask Steve and he'll ruin everything...
Jess says:
lol :))
James says:
Not really I'm great!
Jess says:
Good to hear that!
James says:
What about you, what do you do? I work in the boring internet by the way
Jess says:
I've just started a new job, Production Editor... though not sure what that means! all print-based stuff, though would like to do more webstuff, one day....
Jess says:
u still there?
James says:
why? Am I the only one who thinks the web is a big waste of time
Jess says:
I guess that depends, if you do something all the time, guess you get fed up - me on the other hand, think it would be kinda fun :)
James says:
good point
Jess says:
So are you a designer or a coder or something else entirely?
James says:
Boring old coder, I'm afraid
Jess says:
Heh, don't be so hard on yourself... I'm sure that you're not that old... hee-heeh-hee! Sorry. I mean, I'm sure your not that boring...!
James says:
Now you've hurt my feelings
Jess says:
Ahhhh, sorry-hun, didnt mean to. Really I think you're SMASHING :))
James says:
it's too late now
Jess says:
Ahhhhhh, come on.... aint nothing so bad that you gotta sulk about it! How can I ever make it up to you?
James says:
you don't want to say thing like that to me...
Jess says:
Heh-heh, you don't know me well enough either... so I'm feeling kinda "naughty" so tell all... ;)
James says:
in a minute I'm going for a smoke... need to think!
Jess says:
I'm back!
Jess says:
Hi, how u doin?
James says:
alright
Jess says:
u still freakin or u ok?
James says:
freakin in what way?
Jess says:
Okay, deny all knowledge, thats fine with me... but I seem to recall that you were going to tell me how I could cheer you up...? ;)
James says:
well it's up to you... once I start, I might not be able to stop... Then it will be yet more court orders
Jess says:
heh-heh :)) fair play to you..
James says:
how would you like to make it up to me?
Jess says:
Hey, thought that you werent interested in playing this little game; something about not being able to hold yourself back! ???
James says:
I'll play
Jess says:
Good :))
Jess says:
First perhaps I ought to ask you a few vital stats. How old are you, how tall/short, fat/thin? - all very important questions....
James says:
25 5'10" slim
Jess says:
Hmmmmmmm :)
Okay. Firstly I do appologise if you're in actual fact your old and smelly, but you know we could be lying but lets hope not. So what I need to start with is, perhaps your idea of a good night to a FAB night out; what kinda place, fantasy or real, what kind of music and whats your poision?
James says:
small bar, jazz/breakbeat, gin and tonic
Jess says:
Okay good. So the night, its a summers evening, august, no work, just lazying around, maybe you take a walk through the park. You happen to see a bunch of young ladies, all mucking around, you smile to yourself, but hey, what you going to do on your own? Then, one makes a break for it and you think...hmmmmmm Then, as your walking towards one another, you realise that she's heading directly for you.. u even check over your shoulder to see if perhaps theres someone behind you - but you're in luck, no ones there...so you try your hardest to be nonchalont and swagger in that cool james dean way that you've been trying to perfect ever since a young lad...!
-girl approaches -- Hi.... BIG SMILE, AWKWARD NERVOUS LOOK IN HER EYE, SHE PLAYS WITH HER LONG BLONDE HAIR,--hi -- you REPLY- well really what else are you going to say!?
From the smile that she is giving you, you're sure you've done something right... :)) hee-heeh - dammit and none of the boyz are here, they'll never believe you...
You then get a grip and just as your about to say, the girl opens with, I KNOW THIS MAY SEEM A LITTLE FORWARD, BUT, ERM, DO YOU FANCY GETTING A DRINK...?
you nod your head and smile.. rasing your eyes, and thinking, shit, wheres kinda groovy round here? to which the young lady suggests that you take a walk a bit further, she knows a good place..
Jess says:
HOW WE DOING SO FAR?
James says:
I'm the man
Jess says:
SHALL WE SKIP TO LATER THAT NIGHT?
James says:
yeah, let's just take it as a given that I'm a smooth bastard
Jess says:
(SORRY colleague came over to ask something..)
Jess says:
okay, so later that night, our young, good looking couple have had a few drinks, they've even stopped for some pizza in a local restaurant, they're outrageously flirting with one another, but more so, its as if they've known each other for years...
James says:
what did I eat
Jess says:
Hmmmmmmm, may be a hot and spicy?!
James says:
stuffed crust (wink wink)
Jess says:
And, without wishing to push his luck, I mean, the day so far has been unexpectedly interesting, but what the hell... slowly, slyly, but with absolute precision, he slips his arm gently round her sholders, arches his torso (rippling muscles and all that - yum-yum) and turns her gently towards him...
Jess says:
sorry - occassionally have to do some work!
James says:
then what happened... you can't end there!
Jess says:
Okay, so... the girl, is absolutely swept off her feet - oh and I do mean literally, picked up in strong, yummy arms and gently (not too showy) lifted off the ground, she lets out a little noise, somewhere between a giggle and a sigh, but not heavy, just hmmmmmmm right!
At this point theres no discussion of "your place or mine" no one has to ask / say anything, the girl takes his hand and gently leads him towards her home...(well she knows its nearer!) :))
They get back to her flat, its a nice modest building, she tells him, whilst at the door that her flatmates are all out for the evening... and with that she unlocks the door and holds it open, he enters...
They go straight to her room... she's lit a candle whilst he stands on the landing adjusting to the dim light and thinking, hmmmmmmm to himself... (amongst other things, no doubt!)
She smiles and says, come in, make yourself comfortable, I'll be back in a sec...
with that shes kicks off her shoes and walks out... leaving our 'man' of the moment trying to work out if he should strip, or wait or sit, or stand... ? Bbefore this thought process becomes absolute torture, he notices some personal objects and something winking in the darkness at him, catches his eye, he walks over picks it up and examines it... (its nothing pervy, so dont get ahead of yourself here! ) Its a little silver frame with a photo in it... he smiles and just as he's about to set it down, the door opens and in she walks...
she looks even more radiant than before (probably the crap candle light, but hey, who cares, hubba!) she attempts to strut her way over to him, trying so hard to remain dignified, and whooopla! she forgot about those bloody shoes and trips!
Luckily, they're standing close enough for our hero to catch her...swoon! but its a real ice-breaker and they both laugh...within minutes the temperature has soared in this small, dimly lit room... there are clothes everywhere and bodies so twisted with one another, its hard to tell where one stops and the other starts...
James says:
who's the Daddy!!
Jess says:
SO I STILL HAVE YOUR ATTENTION?
James says:
oh yeah!
Jess says:
GOOD! BUT SORRY, I'VE GOTTA GO TO LUNCH, THINK YOU CAN WAIT FOR MORE?
James says:
I'll wait... don't be too long though
Jess says:
OK :)
James says:
have a nice lunch

REMINDER: Never give out your password or credit card number in an instant message conversation.
Jess says:
Hi ! I'm back! Where were we...?
James says:
tangled bodies
Jess says:
Ohhh la la! There are only a few moments that we have in life that make an impact, something that we know we're going to remember forever... this was one of those experiences...
At one point the girl thought that she couldn't handle any more, never in all her life had she experienced what this guy could do for her... it was, amazing, fantastic, it made her giddy, it made her shriek, scream, he was almost certain he saw tears at one point, but what did he know, he couldn't remember his name, where he was, or how this had happened to him...
James says:
I'm the boss
Jess says:
Now there are certain things within love-making, as we like to call it, that are a natural 1-2-3 process, a touch, or a kiss, but sometimes, perhaps it feels a little less than natural, especially with someone you hardly know, but this was NOT one of those times, this was pure ecstasy... Somewhere between the third and forth time, they paused and looked at one another, as best you can since the candle had long-sinced gone out...
James says:
4th time???
Jess says:
Tthey both were covered in sweat, every inch of every part of their bodies, still twisted as one, was covered with little dots of dewy-first-shower-of-spring-sweet-sweat...
James says:
4th time??
Jess says:
They both laughed at the sight of each other and new therefore how they each must have appeared... again, this relaxed them both... and they lay quiet, and still for a moment...he: gently caressing her back, her neck, she:gently stroking his leg, his thigh, his body... there was a moment, of pure electricity... they both new that they had felt it... yet neither of them said anything...
James says:
are you sure there was a 4th time
Jess says:
a conncetion, a spark, well, he thought, theres no denying that this has never happened, be a shame to leave it there... and with that thought and the sight of this beautiful dewy-young-lady laying across him, something stirred...she let out a little gasp, a little louder than she had expected and they again both laughed an easy, friendly kind of laugh...
James says:
surely not a 5th time
Jess says:
But this time was different.... Not the animal passion that had so consumed them before...
this was much sweeter...much gentler.... this was heaven....and beyond....
keep going... HE THOUGHT...
James says:
much slower coz I'm knackered
Jess says:
almost there - SHE SIGHED TO HERSELF, following the beautiful rhythmn that somewhere, someone had set, and they each were moving to...
Jess says:
OKAY NOT SURE WHERE THIS IS GOING AND I CANT SAY THAT THE MORE AHEM, INTIMATE DETAILS ARE MISSING, BUT WOOWWHA! YOU TRY WRITING SOMETHING LIKE THIS...
James says:
You have a talent for it like... Barbara Cartland
Jess says:
fantastic! - glad you liked it, but seriously, not that serious, but, what changes would a GUY make??? (maybe a flatmate returned and joined in? I hear that guys get all a bit gaaaagooooey on the girl-on-girl, three in a bed type fantasy?)
James says:
hell yes... I could go for some of that action...
Jess says:
Yes, thought that you might, jeeesss, you're a guy! But maybe I shouldn't have given an example, because now, you've not answered my question...
James says:
if I had written it, there wouldn't have been a 5th time, or a 4th, probably not even a 3rd
Jess says:
Geee, crazy imagination you've got going for yourself there!
James says:
I know it's fiction but...
Jess says:
*but if I am to be a little picky, sometimes things happen and perhaps they count, perhaps they don't, but its different, different for a guy, different for a girl...
James says:
why?
Jess says:
multiple orgasms....
James says:
men can have them too
Jess says:
Really? forgive my naiveity but I thought for most men the simple objective, beyond satisfying your woman, was for him to COME, surely that means, the love-making stops, until....
James says:
You've never experienced the "James Love"
Jess says:
lol :))

Genuine email sent to Hackwriters by anon June 21st 2001. Here's to productivity guys....

 

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