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First Chapters
September Issue

Preview of Tonights Must See on TV

The panic in Alan Tichmarsh’s eyes are quite palpable as surveys the ruins of the Mullah’s garden - but it makes for good TV.

Of course it could all be a terrible mistake.
When President Blair ordered in Ground Force to Afghanistan and left it toSecretary of State for Transport Stephen Byers to organise - something was bound to go wrong. That is why today the boys in Khaki have parachuted into the back garden of 22 Montclaire Avenue in Brixton and immediately started digging trenches across the South Circular and Alan Tichmarsh is sweating as he clears rubble in Kabul under the eyes of the BBC satellite cameras. But the show must go on.

Everything has to be done before the Mullah gets back from prayers - which luckily for them he attends to five times a day.
Show Highlights:
A breathless Alan is ready for the camera:
‘What we need here is a tree and a nice water feature perhaps, maybe some hardy thornbushes, this soil clearly hasn’t seen water for three years at least. You need to plant things that don’t get too thirsty and can withstand heavy shelling.”

There was trouble with Charlie at the border at first. Apparently this was the first time Afghanistan soldiers had ever seen a woman’s eyes and their natural reaction was to begin stoning her. Luckily Alan was ready with a wheelbarrow, he knew that with this good granite material they’d be able to build a pretty good rock garden by the rocket launcher. Charlie took it well and tried to catch as many as she could.

Photo of Charlie just before she crossed the border

‘Come on put your backs into it, we’ve only got two hours to go,” Alan mugs for the cameras as he tries to disguise a burned out tank with some trelis work.

Charlie found the digging a bit hard dressed head to foot in winter clothing but what with the weather changing for the worse soon she wasn’t moaning, besides the rough cloth was good for soaking up the blood. A regular trooper that Charlie.

“We need some hanging baskets,” Alan was saying. “How far is Babylon from here?”

A must see show
1 Tonight 8pm
GROUND FORCE IN KABUL - the must see British Gardening Programme

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