International Writers Magazine: Reality Check USA
Romney: Don't Ask - Don't Tell
"A person should not be elected because of his faith,
nor should he be rejected because of his faith."
- Mitt Romney 12/6/07
The voice of reason
and enlightenment bellows from the voice of Mitt Romney, Republican,
Mormon, Pro-Choice/Pro-Life, Pro-Gay Rights/Anti-Gay Marriage, Pro-War/
Anti-War candidate. Down in the Iowa polls and out nearly ten million
bucks, he greases the hair, polishes the smile, floods the stage with
American flags, and begins to flippantly deconstruct his party's entire
political platform for the past decade: Take religion out of politics?
Ah, but wait, in literally the same rancid breath he lauds the tenets
of Christian faith as not only a prerequisite for his own candidacy,
but the very fabric of the nation and its government
It is the worst kind of pandering, pathetically transparent and manipulative,
reeking of disingenuous double-speak. It humps the very ghost of the
Checker's Speech and pays homage to the demons of Tammany Hall, rendering
Romney either perfect presidential timber or a madman.
Mitt Romney may be a two-bit carney grifter with the morals of a guttersnipe,
but I'm willing to forgive him for that. Most presidential candidates
possess the guttersnipe gene. It is inherent. No one can achieve lasting
success in this game without it. Survival is impossible for those bound
to high-ethics. Principles are for losers. So we must exonerate pusillanimity
in our big-time politicians. However, what we can no longer willingly
accept is another crazy man in the White House. Eight years of this
non sequitur seat-of-the-pants lunacy is quite enough for any civilized
nation outside of Central America.
I'm sorry, but it is painfully difficult for anyone not using dung for
brains to fathom why a republican candidate running for any office save
dogcatcher would question the inclusion of his religious authenticity.
Mere desperation? Sure, for a Democrat. But what party crammed this
mindless claptrap into the public discourse in the first place?
There's video playing on my computer screen right now of Romney questioning
why people need to know his religious convictions. He is stunned that
his Mormonism would be an issue in his campaign.
Perhaps he's kidding? I'm always down for humor in the grind of a difficult
stump. Maybe Romney is just cutting it up. That must be it. He's a jokester.
Not crazy, but merely funny. But no one is laughing. No. They are applauding.
He looks deadly serious.
The only explanation left is Romney's leaning on his strength, lying,
but despite his astounding proclivity for the craft, he's not even a
good liar. For the duration of his crumbling campaign the best he's
done is say he either didn't mean something or he now believes something
else. Once again, this is all fine and dandy. In fact, lying is a prerequisite
for the presidency, so he had better bone up, especially if he plans
on lying at this Herculean rate.
But please, no
more babbling frat-house coke fiends hooked on Jesus who run to deranged,
crippled old warmongers for policy judgment!
Wait, Romney's still speaking. He's reversed course again and says that
although his particular sect of Christianity is off limits, (Mormons
are considered cultists by the rest of Christianity) it is important
that religion stay in our nation's forefront in everything from celebrating
Christmas to swearing in on the Bible, and those opposed to all this
"have taken the separation of church and state beyond its original
Wait! What? Hasn't he just called for a separation of church and state
so we can leave him alone about his wacky beliefs? And how does Romney
know this so-called "original meaning"? Has he engaged in
séance with Thomas Jefferson lately? This sounds awfully close
to George W. Bush consulting the Virgin Mary on bombing the Middle East.
Perhaps Romney is just stupid. Yes, dumb. Reagan was as dumb as a pole.
And LBJ had cobwebs in his frontal lobes. Hell, you can be an idiot
and still lead. But he doesn't appear to have mental deficiencies. Romney
speaks clearly enough and seems to believe most of what he says. I always
felt Al Gore and John Kerry lost because they were phonies that didn't
quite embrace phoniness. This is why they could never grasp the finer
points of campaigning. You could never quite shake the feeling while
listening to them that they'd stolen someone else's identity and were
caught in a disquieting plot of alien design.
Romney has that look right now as he blurts out the phrase "moral
convictions" every thirty seconds to keep from convulsing. I half
expect a reptile to explode from his rib cage at any moment.
Watch Romney speak some time. Really watch him. The eyes dart spastically,
the brow furrows, his speech patterns falter and then queer altogether.
He often looks like the boy who has just realized he's lost in a department
store; that eerily suspended moment of panic-clarity before the freak-out.
"It is important to recognize that while differences in theology
exist between the churches in America, we share a common creed of moral
Creed? No they don't. Not at all. I have a Jewish friend
on the phone right now.
"Do you accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior?"
I'm dialing up a Muslim as Romney keeps rolling.
"Religion and freedom endure together or perish alone."
I'm not even sure what that means. Is that some kind of
existential gobbledygook designed to hypnotize the elderly? Where is
this going? Are we supposed to include Romney's Christian tenets or
ignore them? Is religion in or out of this thing? Are we to consider
his incredibly passionate and enduring sense of faith and at the same
time not expect him to be influenced by it? I'm confused. I'm not sure
what this guy stands for or what he is capable of? I like his tie, though.
He looks presidential in a way. He moves his hands in a subtle but forceful
manner. I am beginning to love his indescribable aura of invincibility
and ambiguity, like the living embodiment of an epic poem. He appears
as a god.
My taxes are paid. My future is secure. War is over. Praise
I like his chances.
© James Campion December 7th 2007
to Pay Dirt
Iowa Caucuses Loom For GOP & Dems - James Campion
There's been over a year of white noise and revelry and backbiting
and futile positioning rhetoric between 16 candidates
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