APPLYING THE BRAKES • by Tabytha Towe- our Vancouver Girl Last night was the last draw, now all I have to do is is make it final. So it's bloody Valentines day today... what a perfect day to break off a relationship. Of course this particular one has been in the midst (way overdue) of ending for quite some time now. Why is it so difficult to break off a difficult relationship, I ask? I should have ended things earlier, it's ironic and just my luck that we must do it today. I could have put it off untill tomorrow but that would only complicate this situation further. Last night was the last draw, now all I have to do is is make it final!

I should have ended things earlier, it's ironic and just my luck that we must do it today. I could have put it off untill tomorrow but that would only complicate this situation further. Last night was the last draw, now all I have to do is is make it final!

Both of us knew damned well it was inevitable we wouldn't last,we're not too healthy for eachother infact,which is a shame,but it is absolutely neccessary. We weren't even supposed to get together in the first place. I have no idea how we came about- very suddenly. I guess it's true what they say,boys and girls cannot be good friends,too much sexual tension and what not. Can't always trust the opposite sex, nonetheless yourself around them. How sad.

And my God what a miserable day of the year February 14th is for all the single people out there. The unloved ,they need a day too. I'm not one who really buys in to the whole Valentine's propaganda anyway, just as long as I have chocolate. Last year though mind you was rather sweet, my boyfriend at the time took me to "Two can dine for $6.99" at Mcdonalds. At least it was acknowledged.

Part of me wants in and part of me wants out ,or rather most of me wants out, or rather needs out. I can't stand having been close with someone you care about and then,within a few words,it's all over. The "can't be friends afterwards"rule is bewildering. Relief and destruction don't go hand in hand it seems. Right now I'm just about off to meet with him, so I'll come back and tell you how things turned out:

* * *
A few days after the "break up":
I belive I left you off with my going to see Mr.Not-So-Right on the 14th intending to get things straight and out in the open. That did just so happen later on in the evening, during our Valentine's day dinner. We both knew what was to become of us at the end of the night, therefore there wasn't any anxious tension between us. I was very impressed with his behavior. We were getting along charmingly actually...well, perhaps not as cozy as we would have been in the past , but very amicably nevertheless, much to my surprise. This considering how he has over reacted, rationalized and antagonized on many occasions beforehand over the stupidest little things.

Of course, after the dinner we were talking casually t about break up matters, as two mature friends would, and then he asks me to pay him back for half the bill as we were no longer seeing each other, that he wouldn't waste a few bucks on some friend. Oh yes and this is right after we figured out how much more he was earning than me- -almost three times as much. I found that to be typical of him. However, I told him I'd gladly pay him back for the whole meal, not to spite him, but because I belive that only friends are worthy enough for treating. I don't think he got the point anyhow.
So eventually our date ends in the same fashion as our awkward f relationship. I drive him home for the last time until we decide to hang out with each other again.

You see,what messed us up is that from the very beginning we both agreed that we would keep it simple. No complications, no attachments ,no rules or any of that shit, since we both came out of recent, pitiful relationships that we only started to recover from a few months ago. (I am still not fully recovered from my first one here, for crying out loud!) We both needed a friend more than another boyfriend or girlfriend to screw us up all over again, and what do we do? Go and get soft on each other and screw things up. Although,we never put the official label over our heads,we rather continued to fool ourselves the whole time and tried to convince everyone else that we were merely friends who date every once in a while!? We figured it would be easier on us. Worked well as an excuse for a lot of arguments we had,being in a so-called-non-relationship.

Because of that, it's easier for us to remain friends with each other,just respectable friends who can look back and laugh at the melodrama of it all simply because we tried so hard not to have a proper relationship. I think it'll be better now than ever ,now that we have the air cleared and that we cannot see each other for a while nor get affectionate with each other and what not.. yada.. yada I'm so gald the rest of the bull is gone though ,sooooo glad I don't have to deal with that part any more. I can take on a friend,so long as he doesn't expect my to take his load on my shoulders.
And that's my story.
XX
*This time I swear I will avoid complete intimate realtions with men for a long time. (I said that 5 months ago too!)

© Tabytha Towe 2001

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