The International Writers Magazine: Love Story - From Our Archives

Told you so! • Oswaldo Jimenez Here, here, listen to this one: enjoys sea-bathing, bright sunlight, human emotions, the simpler pleasures, and on the intellectual side, thinking clearly. Clearly, the sea-bathing and bright sunlight, had been carefully thought out: Sea bathing and bright sun equals, the beach, and bathing suits, nothing short of saying look, I have a body that I can show off.

Human emotions: not as clear, and deeply troubling, if you consider the can-of-worms that this opens. Okay. I say. Human emotions, what the hell does that mean? what else, right! duh!  emotions are for humans only, so is the message I’m human, or I’m not an animal? Mmm... Difficult. Yes, just head-shaking hard to figure that one. So, Nice body, and human. Okay. Not much there. Simpler pleasures..Oh boy! simpler pleasures? Let’s see: what is a simple pleasure? sitting, sleeping, reading, eating, drinking, scratching, spitting? Yowza!  don’t know about the simple pleasures. Much too vague and ambiguous.... A serious jumble. Next one:  on the intellectual side.. shit! here we go. On the intellectual side, what could that mean? not stupid, not cerebral, not smart, a little of both, but not much?... bad, bad. Lastly: Thinking clearly... thinking clearly?   Hi, I enjoy thinking clearly!... no, no, no. This won’t do. But enjoys sea-bathing! 

Have you noticed? ( holding up a pizza slicer and a kitchen knife in each hand) Kitchen utensils look like weapons? You could use an apple corer to gauge eyes out. 

Ha!. Stop that and let’s get to the next one.

The next one? Are you serious?  I can’t stand this. This in fact reminds me of that cartoon, the one of the two dogs: One dog is sitting on a chair in front of a computer with his paw on the mouse, he is looking down at the second dog, who’s sitting on the floor next to the first dog looking up. The caption at the bottom of the cartoon reads:

“In the Internet nobody knows you’re a dog!” 

Ha! ha, ha, ha, ha.... I guess there’s more truth there that I care to admit! 

Ha,ha ha.. ( genuine laughter)

You know? you really could use an apple-corer to gauge eyes out.. 

Ha, Ha .. You’re funny. ( mockingly)  

Oh my God!  It’s been too long!

Ha!..What about the dude... ?

Who? you mean good old Jeffrey at work?  

Yeah!

Are you shitting me?  He’s married!  

So?  I know you’re hot for him. Two, three, four times, out for a walk?  Has he tried anything yet?

No!

Oh boy!  Worry about HIM sister!

Whah?  what you mean?

Shit, if he is married and he’s not tried anything with you, it means you gotta worry. He wants more than a quickie! He wants to leave his wife, children,  does he have children?  Worry, worry, worry, babe! If this married man is not out to get some, he’s more trouble than you want to handle... Hell, I’ve seen how you look at him.. you’re flirting with disaster sister!

Ha!  Why....? I wouldn’t really mind a... you know... a good man’s hard to find!

No, no, no.  Look.. Married men who cheat just want a good lay.  Married men who cheat but don’t want to get laid: bad, bad, news.. you run far, fast, and don’t look back...

YOU DID HIM didn’t you!  you little tramp! Did you? Did you? Come on... I won’t tell a soul!

No.

No?

No!

Really No?

Really, No!

No, Then!

NOPE!

Sad. Sad. Sad, sister! 

Okay, okay, listen to this one here:   I was born in Spain of Canadian parents, grew up in Costa Rica, France, Mexico and Canada. After studying philosophy worked as a dishwasher, tree planter, security guard. Wrote major work of fiction, cannot reveal title because... love everything about life.

Ha, ha, ha,..  Say no more... I’m texting this one!  ( mocking)

Yeah right!  So, let’s see: This pretentious little shit!  Man-of-the-world! Down-to-earth Philosopher, Hunk ( the security guard part, of course!) Major work of fiction! Right, his profile! ha, ha, ha, look at him, here come here, look at his picture!  

Holy crap! Wild man! looks constipated!  

Haaaaa, haaaaaa, haaaa! 

Can we change the Pandora station, this sixties Motown shit’s killing me!

No!  It’s the best music for this kinda shit. Can’t you just see it? Sea of Love! That scene!  Oh my God! Hot!

Oh God!... Can we change this?  

NO!  So, you really haven’t jumped this guy’s bones for real?  Common.. you can tell me! I just can’t believe you.. he’s like all..

For heaven’s sake... this music’s gonna make me puke!

Here, let me fill your glass,...Good girl, 

Go easy on it! 

Why!  you need it babe!

Will you still love me tomorrow.... will you still.... I love this music! I don’t think.. Okay! Okay!  you have to tell me...or for sure am gonna... I promise, next time I see you two together I’ll ask HIM!   you know I’ll do it.!

Ha!  You little B-EYE-CH, you wouldn’t, I’d kill you!

So?  did you?

OKAY!...Fine!... Sit! 

What?

Sit... you wanna know, I’ll tell you... Sit... but first turn that stupid music off. I don’t want Frankie Valli or the Temptations to interrupt me!

Fine... off!

I did!

Get out of town!

I DID!

You little slut! I’m gonna punch you in the throat!

You asked!

You little slut!  Tell me details...

Well... It just happened...

It happened?!  Just happened!?  This kinda stuff doesn’t just happen! you must’ve made it happen, since, from what you tell me, Romeo, is not willing to make a move on you, Oh you little tramp... I’m hot with envy!  So?... So?.... Tell!

You know? ( holding up a pizza slicer and a kitchen knife in each hand) These kitchen utensils could really be used as weapons! 

Shut up!  Shut up and tell me... tell me, tell me, tell me...

Okay! Okay!  I said OKAY!   give me back  my pizza slicer dammit!

Go on... little tramp...

Alright... He enjoys sea-bathing, bright sunlight, human emotions, the simpler pleasures, and on the intellectual side, thinking clearly...

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!  Common, tell me already!

Ha,Ha, Ha, Ha....... Pour me some more of that there..

Here, take the effing bottle, and come on!

Alright... So, I’m sitting at work, and he’s online. I know this, so I message him.

Wait! you used the company instant messaging system? Oh my god! you know that by now half the company must know you had him, right!

Are you gonna let me tell you or not!?

Sorry.... go on.

So, I IM’d him  “care to take a break?”  He replies: “you bet! :-)”

So.. we meet half way down the hall... I’m not wearing my.... heels, because it’s too hot out, so I changed into my flip-flops, and.. well, he’s not very tall you know so I didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable wearing my high heels. Well, he’s saying nothing, just polite words, don’t know what he said really.. Hard, very hard, to remember since I was focusing on the moves I was making, and trying not to attract too much attention. He’s like saying stuff, and I’m just walking, my flip-flops making the.. flip, and flop, flip and flop, noises as we walked down the hall way, so he looks down and laughs, and I say something like I have big feet, and he says.. I don’t know what he said, but laughs, and I flip and flop down the hall with him, until we reach that stairway near the loading dock.

Pretty empty. So I stop. He stops. I lean against the wall. He just stares, and keeps saying stuff that I can’t even remember. I can tell he’s getting nervous, because he’s looking up at the security camera that’s on the ceiling behind the black Plexiglas.  I can tell he’s getting a little suspicious, but not too obvious about it. So, purposely, I’m not wearing... a sweater because, I knew it was gonna be hot outside and inside the office it’s ten-below. So, my nearly see-through...purse, that I’m carrying starts flashing, and it’s my cell phone, a call is flashing.. I look at it, he looks at me with the “aren’t you gonna answer it? Look on his face. I let it buzz until the it goes into voicemail. I’m clearly sending him the signals, you know. He’s looking up nervously at the security cam. I’m leaning on the wall. The long skirt I wore is covering my feet, ‘cause I’m not wearing... my high heels and my toes are visible along the hem of the skirt, so he makes some remark about my toes; or the color of the polish I’m wearing, or something like that.

By now I’m like getting really hot, because the skirt I’m wearing is too long and the hallway area is not well ventilated, so there’s no air conditioning blowing, and we’re just standing there, and he’s not making any moves, he’s just standing there saying platitudes that mean nothing, and just signaling nothing, and I know he’s just stuck, he doesn’t know what to do; whether to make a move or not, or simply not trusting the security camera on the ceiling, or something like that. So, I bend down, and with both hands I start lifting the hem of my skirt, and begin fanning myself, my legs, because it’s so hot, and I’m not comfortable. He sees what I’m doing and laughs, laughs... a nervous laugh, and looks up at me like a little kid amused by the whole thing, then, without saying anything, he bends one knee and crouches beneath me, and before I could say a word, he stands up and hands me an earring! And he’s asking me if it’s mine. I instinctively let go my skirt and touch both my earlobes, checking for my earrings; when I know that I don’t have pierced ears, and I don’t like clip-ons. So he laughs, and I laugh, and he takes my right hand with his right hand, and holds it, and then takes the earring he found on the ground, and it’s a little hoop-like ear ring, and he places it on my finger, looks up at me, and says “Will you marry me?”

I fucking lost it then and there. I started weeping like a stupid ass baby, and I’m crying, and he’s apologizing, and he’s so freaked out... he’s looking at the camera on the ceiling, and trying to console me, but holding his arms a few inches from my body without touching me, all the while looking up nervously at the security camera on the ceiling. I’m crying desperately, and he’s discombobulated, and nervous, and finally, he drops the stupid earring, pulls the stairwell door open, takes me with him, shuts the door, and starts crying. He’s crying with his head leaning on my naked arm! And he’s just bawling;crying grown-man tears, sobbing!

Holly Sh... Oh my G.. You... You are so in trouble! you are so, so in trouble! I told you! A married man who doesn’t want to jump your bones is nothing but trouble. 

He freaking LOVES YOU!  I told you so! I told you so!

© Oswaldo Jimenez Feb 2014
artzineonline@gmail.com

Returning to America
Oswaldo Jimenez
It was precisely zero-six-hundred hours. Lieutenant Wilson climbed the steep step-ladder that led him into the bowels of the C-5 Galaxy that will transport him stateside.

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