The International Writers Magazine:21st Century Man
Sorry, He Has Made a Few Mistakes and Will Make Amends Soon.
one morning from a pleasant nights sleep and before my eyes focused
clearly, the phone rang. The caller ID only read, celestial being,
so I was not going to answer it. Well, you never know if it is
the devil on the phone or God. I was in no mood to be talking
to the devil so early in the morning, but when it comes to God,
he can call at any time and I'm ready to listen to what he has
to say, even though he complains all the time these days that
nobody listens to him anymore.
I took a chance,
it was God on the phone, and he was in an extra state of uneasiness.
He told me he has been keeping a close eye on human behavior patterns
the past few thousand human years and realizes he has made a few mistakes
when it came to the human body. We should note that one of Gods days
equals ten thousand of our human years, so after closer observations
of moral beings for a day, he has drawn up a new blueprint for the human
race, because he sees the current model will be extinct before his next
day is over. Here are a few of the novel designs God told me he is going
to incorporate in the new human model, for he wants to make sure all
is really good next time around.
The first change will be people will have a chimney on the top
of their heads. The roof of the mouth will have a flap and when a person
lights up a cigarette, the flap will automatically open and the smoke
will go up a specially lined flue and will be filtered into clean air
by the time it comes out the chimney. This will stop the smoke going
into the lungs and causing people to die of lung cancer. He will also
flavor the extracted clean air with lavender and frankincense so all
non-smokers will invite smokers into their homes and enjoy their clean,
mountain air tonic.
The next great idea God has come up with is to take out the liver,
kidneys and bladder, replacing them with a distillery. No matter if
a person drinks pure water, soda, beer, or spirits. It will pass through
the body and into an express distillery. There will be a choice of many
exotic alcoholic cocktails. Whatever a person thinks up will be transmitted
by neurons to the distilleries mechanism, so that when the person urinates,
they will pee into a glass and hay presto, they have their drink of
the day. If they want to put a bit of fizz into the drink, all they
need to do is jump on the spot for a minute and it will come out shaken,
not stirred Self - replenishing drinks ... How cool is that!
The next measure he has implemented is to take out the intestines
and digestive tract. This will be replaced with a fast food processing
plant. Burgers, hot dogs, etc., will all be available on demand by just
thinking about it. People will be able to eat whatever they want and
just think what they would like for the next meal. Then, before they
can say, Jack Robinson, the eaten food will be processed so that they
can have an elimination and out will pop burgers and hot dogs, just
the way they like them cooked. Of course, they will have to take a plate
with them to the toilet, or they will have to fish out soggy burgers.
Yummy, I can just see your mouth watering at the thought of it.
There will be no requirement for doctors or pharmaceutical drugs,
because in the new human model nobody will ever become sick or die of
old age. The new structure will be made of flame and rust proof indestructible
molecules, sinews and tissues, so people can abuse themselves from morning
until night with smoking, drinking and overeating junk food and nothing
will harm them.
However, God still likes his little jokes, so for the time being,
he will keep the mind just the way it is now. People will still believe
they have free will and can make up as many religions as they deem necessary,
so that they can keep the flames of hatred burning brightly. In
fact, hatred will be the main subject in all schools and made compulsory
for every student. Science and intelligent design will be removed from
the curriculum, for with hatred as the main subject, people will have
plenty to fight over.
Society will still be able to wage destructive wars, only problem
being, they will not be able to kill one another. They can invent all
kinds of nuclear weapons, smart bombs, etc., but they will only be able
to blow up buildings, animals, plants and trees. People will be
indestructible, so they can create mayhem and chaos all the time, therefore,
no need of video games or reality TV shows.
The fun has only just begun for God, for he will give each person
a different language to speak, so nobody will be able to understand
what anybody else is saying. It is not that much different from what
we have now, with people who speak the same language and divide each
other up into different groups, only this time around, the groups will
only contain one person. Each person will be given the same name, but
with a different model number. They will all be named, Frankenstein
and each will have their own serial number.
Not all the new changes will be so much different to the medical
professions present day model, which has altered the human body by removing
intestines, face-lifts that go higher and higher with each season and
all the other great gifts they have augmented. Its just that God has
taken it to a more advanced level of sophistication and realizes it
is what people are asking for each day.
God believes the fresh benefits are huge for his chosen races
that are built in his image. Humans will be able to cut down all the
trees once they can manufacture their own clean oxygen supply through
their personal chimneys. If they run out of space, they can drain the
oceans, because they have their own inner, ever regenerating, drinks
machine ... Who needs water!
Once they run out of that space, they can build mega-homes of
one million sq. feet. Impoverished people can sleep standing up and
every human will own one sq. foot, in a million sq. foot home. Every
common person can brag about living in a million sq. foot home. But
not the rich people, they will have their own underground bunkers with
all the modern day trappings of real wealth (but that's another story)
Also, since they cannot kill each other and will live forever, they
can breed animals, to kill them just for sporting fun in a new game
called, animal wars. When they wipe all the game animals out, they can
bomb the breeding factories and make animals extinct creatures.
Before too long, without any water, all the plants and flowers
will perish and the earth will become a barren landscape. A wasteland,
which will resemble the Moon, Mars and all the other planets in our
solar system. The good news is, it will save billions of dollars on
future space missions, for who needs to visit barren planets when we
will have contrived our own right here on earth. Yes indeed, home is
where the heart is and a barren wilderness is a worthy home for aggressive
humans. Indeed, God know, all will be better than good.
Of course, human beings have a great imagination and now they
know Gods future plans they may beat him to it and restructure earth
and the human body themselves. They may even concoct a completely new
form of God and make this present-day one redundant. Perhaps they will
devise a God that will remove the human brain, replace it with one that
delights in greed, and fear more than the present model. The newfangled
God can dispose of any feelings of love & joy, so that people can
feel contented, soaking up other people's misery. Powerful, clandestine
speculators will be able to manipulate the commodity markets more than
they do now and make crude oil $1000 a barrel, Gold $10,000 an ounce.
Business can learn better ways to swindle people and cheating contests
will be held for executives, who will get billion dollar bonuses for
being the biggest swindlers.
Most people will remain poor, but with a chimney in their heads
and a distillery in their tummies, who will care. Yes, future generations
will have a lot to be thankful. They will be able to debate why life
is so boring, whilst reminiscing about the good old days, when people
could actually kill each other in wars,. Since they all talk different
languages it will bring new life to the phrase 'Actions speak louder
So, let's raise our glass's and drink a toast to future prospects ...
"Here's looking at you future generations, with the scheming red
in your eyes and the venomous perversions in your grin."
I awoke in a pool of sweat realizing I had only been dreaming. I fetched
the newspaper in from the front porch and read the headlines. It was
not a dream...
© Michael Levy December 2005
all rights reserved - all comments are the writers' own responsibiltiy
- no liability accepted by hackwriters.com or affiliates.