International Writers Magazine: Politics USA
of an Elitist
Hi, my name
is James Campion, and I'm an elitist.
I'm fairly certain most of the people who have read even a sentence
of this column over the past decade-plus have come to this conclusion
already. But for those who have been laughing too hard or throwing
up too violently to realize this personality trait, it is true.
Now, this does not
mean I think I am necessarily better than anyone. Oh, heaven's no. It
is quite the opposite. You all have it over me. You've managed to fool
yourself in thinking you matter. This is an enviable talent I do not
possess. I have often admitted in print that I should be eradicated.
Erased like a horrible mishap of biology. I am a completely useless
organism that shamelessly gorges on the very systems I berate. I am
a phony and a hypocrite. I need to die, right away, without so much
as a hint of remorse. But, alas, I am too lazy and mainly interested
in seeing what will happen next to do it myself.
However, I do think I see things clearer than most, in fact, way clearer.
I am repeatedly, and in many ways, revoltingly astounded how utterly
stupid most people are, and by most people, I mean anyone but me. In
fact, I have pretty much figured that the entire human experiment is
not only an abject failure, but if there is a God and he or she or it
is responsible for this miserable shit, he is the ultimate idiot.
Whew, that felt good.
Okay, so this brings me to the subject of today's dissertation.
There was a lot of talk this past week out of Pennsylvania (the world's
think-tank) that Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama is also
an elitist, just because he rightly pointed out that most hard-hat,
Johnny Lunch pail, beer-gut, fast-food trough fuckers will never vote
for "the black guy" because they are bitter, bigoted, gun-toting
Neanderthals, who bludgeon the rest of us clear-thinking folk with their
Jesus rants and demand those running for high office perform their goofy
slack-jawed activities like bowl, fish, hunt, or back-spit at the corner
watering hole while blaming all the ills of the world on women and "those
illegals" just to get a sniff of the dullard vote.
Shit, that's not elitism. Not even close.
When you are done reading this missive, the hope against hope is your
speed-addled, television-mangled dumb ass will be able to differentiate
its author from Barack Obama, who is merely one of those intellectuals
with a Faulty Edit-Meter.
For those of you with your face in a Blackberry, a Blue-Tooth in your
ear and a thumb up your shoot, Faulty Edit-Meters are a dime a dozen
in places like Harvard. Many of these overly nurtured and appallingly
sheltered brain mutants are not allowed to roam through society, so
they sequester themselves in academia in some form or other. Unlike
us elitists, who get an endless kick out studying the damaged human
animal, they fear every aspect of civilization. This is why many of
them never leave higher education at all, safely walling themselves
in with the other shuddering eggheads, who find a measure of pride in
loathing the rest of us for jacking off to pro football and Project
Obama is an intellectual that managed to escape the pod,
But people fear intellectuals like the plague. Many among us think the
very concept of reading, debating, general discovery, the sciences,
literature, high art, and subtle and not-so subtle forms of cultural
rebellion is the plague, and these mindless thugs have been trying to
halt it ever since they sent Galileo packing 375 long years ago. But
he was the lucky one. Intellectuals have been summarily stoned, crucified,
beheaded, tarred-and-feathered, burned at the stake, and other sorted
pleasantries for centuries.
This is why faux historians and bored high school teachers still try
to sell Adolf Hitler, a barely-educated hack painter bereft of an original
thought in his badly styled head, as some kind of mad super-genius.
He wasn't a genius. He was a fraud. This is different than intellectual
or elitist. Other frauds include religious conman Pat Robertson, social
parasite Al Sharpton, baseball commissioner Bud Selig, and whatever
steaming sack of vermin feces is the CEO of Guitar Center, to name just
Elitist is merely a term the threatened hordes of mediocrity use to
make the freethinking and open-minded feel like they're diseased. True
elitists call this Enlightenment. We adore this affliction. We worship
it like you worship money, strip clubs, and invisible godheads. Enlightenment
keeps us from playing along with your knuckle dragging, drool-slobbered
lifestyles and superstitions. In other words, most of what you cherish
and enjoy about breathing for seventy or eighty odd years we honestly
believe is not only petty and banal, but a dangerous self-mutilation
of the precious gift of reason.
I've said it before in various ways, so what's one more: There is no
point to you. You are sucking up vital minerals and resources this planet
needs to keep nobler beasts and essential plant life going. It is you
who are the virus. Humanity is nothing more than evolution's fart in
the wind. We suck, so we distract ourselves in a constant stream of
meaningless activity and pointless belief systems to avoid the truth.
But that's fine, nothing, not even an amoeba wants to suck. But the
good news is we'll be gone someday and everything will return to normal.
Also, if I may, portraying someone as bitter because they were drawn
into a fixed system like moths to a flame with fairytales of the American
Dream -- work hard, study hard and you will be king of the world --
and end up being cold-cocked by the realities of life is not the least
bit elitist. It is judgmental. Hell, some may say, and I may be one
of them, fairly observant, actually. But everyone judges. This is part
of the virus of humanity. Those trees and animals you're killing through
your futile existence don't judge. The real Jesus guy alluded to something
like that, not the crazy Euro-Christ mannequin you cling to, the guy
whose basic tenets you ignore in order to better populate your fancy
social clubs dressed up as churches.
Oh, and saying someone "clings" to something like the fight
over gun rights or the pro-life issue is not an insult. I cling to the
idea that if one more asinine politician tries to perpetuate a civil
rights abuse on us again, like denying gay marriage, I'm not only going
to not vote for them, I am going to spend many of my waking hours making
sure they are exposed as the stone-cold fascists they really are.
So call Barack Obama a liberal or an amateur, say he is in over his
head and a big-government tax fiend, but he is not "out of touch".
He's "in touch". He might be too "in touch" to be
president. Those types tend to be badly articulated car salesmen with
a buddy complex.
Now, if you want a true elitist to run things, look no further.
I'm your man.
Campion April 19th 2008
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