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The International Writers Magazine: Reality Check & Readers Letters

Tax Day Speech 2010
NJ TEA Party Coalition Rally
James Campion
The following is a transcript of a speech given by the author at the First Anniversary of the NJTPC on 4/15/2010 at 4:30 pm on the Hackensack Green, Hackensack, NJ.


Good day.

I'd like to begin by pointing out that you people are idiots. And by that I mean stupid, since I am assuming, as idiots, your vocabulary is limited. Please forgive me if you are not an idiot or by chance are an idiot but not so much as to need the "stupid" qualifier. It's just that my only exposure to Tea Party enthusiasts and their paid speakers and media sounding boards are usually manipulated by main stream corporate news organizations; and I have to tell you this half-assed "movement" of yours is very often displayed as an agonizingly long line of inarticulate goobers with little to no grasp of the King's English or of the nation in which they are trying to reconstruct. Seriously. I have abused my fair share of narcotics in the past and basically mainline French absinthe on weekends, but it is difficult for me to reconcile this kind of behavior to the appropriate chemical stimuli.

Please keep your boos and caterwauling until I am finished. We have a lot to get to before we bring out the usual parade of slobbering slogan jockeys. But don't panic; in order to make the reality medicine go down smoother, I have agreed to throw in the occasional fist-pumper every paragraph or so, like "Death to the Weird!" and "Go George Washington!"

Now at this point you might rightfully ask yourself; why would the NJTPC invite this asshole to deride us so viciously before uttering a single word that soothes our sense of isolation and fabricated angst against a massive and uncaring government that wishes to steal our hard-earned money and control everything we do?  Fear not! What stands before you is a tried-and-true rebel. I have fought this battle in a dark vacuum of spite without all the flavor-of-the-month fanfare you posers enjoy.

You see, long before you decided what level of government over-reach would motivate you to waste a perfectly good workday waving grammatically-challenged signs dressed in American Revolution regalia, I was the founder and chief officer of the AAPGF, or as it is known in the fringe group industry; Artists Against Puritan Goat Fuckers.

The AAPGF, to which a fancy logo and a detailed manifesto have been available for over a decade on-line, is a turn-of-the-century brainchild of great independent thinkers, whose ranks today number in the thousands. We believe without compromise, that the authority and power of our governing bodies have gone far enough. Many Republicans here today who are ironically tying to piggyback this "movement" actually fought against its unyielding principle of individual liberty by using bullshit arguments about children, obscenity, God, the greater good of society and other tyrannical gibberish.

Ah, thank you. I see I've hit upon your buzzword. Good to see some of you are still awake. The special Kool-Aid will be administered shortly.

"Up with people!"

My founding of the AAPGF aside, what ultimately garnered my invite to your gathering today is my repeated and thus far thwarted attempt to secede my meager stretch of land from the Union, much of my tribulation is well documented on my web site, so I shan't belabor it here.

But believe me when I tell you; I'm a lifer. This is not a hobby for me, nor is it a calculated attempt at politics or middle-aged outrage, as what appears to be the case for an overwhelming number of you soft-bellied small-timers. I've been to the edge and back with government; federal, local, you name it. And I'm here to say the entire thing is fucked and must be broken down and rebuilt from scratch. It is flawed and screwed, and its atavistic foundation, cobbled haphazardly as it was under cannon fire during a heat wave two hundred and forty or so years ago, while still the best example of governance in the history of human civilization, is nothing more than out-dated Euro-Trash.

I'm talking about heavy lifting people. Voting another group in over the group that came before has kept The System growing and its expansion widening for most of these two hundred years. This is why I'll assume you guys are waving the Don't Tread On Me flag. I've proudly unfurled one of those on every property I've inhabited for three decades. It is the only flag that should fly. The American version is tainted and besmirched and until there is justice for all should be our pariah.

"No more free lunch!"

So what are we trying to accomplish; you know beyond the awkward social ineptitude and yelling?

Well, I decided, that instead of sharing my fairly radical and somewhat scarily reasoned ideas today, I wish only to breakdown what it is your aim and to point out as succinctly as possible its utterly ill-conceived and badly fostered platform.

I have in my hand the NJTPC's Core Principles. It's Mission Statement, and I paraphrase, is "to restore and protect the founding principles of our nation", which, as already stated, for a "movement" is silly. You're supposed to reject a system that isn't working, not make specious claims that its origins were bastardized. What is this; the Russian Revolution meets the dawning of Christianity? All philosophies are bastardized.

"Down with pie charts!"

Okay, now onto your thirteen principles, and by the way; nice under-grad symbolism with the original thirteen colonies. I dig that.

1. Rights are endowed by God. Governments are instituted by men.

The musket and the sword endow rights. The people choose democratic governments. And while I understand this mocks the very notion of a Tea Party in the sense that our present construct provides taxation with representation, these are the facts; and although you are entitled to your opinion, not so much the facts.

2. Support for U.S. Constitution.

The original or the amended version? If it is the former, then all women and minorities will be asked to please leave; along with those with limited land ownership. You're all excluded. These are your principles, not mine. I only wish to deconstruct them.

3. Support of the Tenth Amendment -- states sovereignty.

If we are going to adhere to the original founding principles, then there are no states. Therefore these "principles" -- which are defined as immutable and handed down by an invisible deity -- are rendered null and void.

4. Rejection of global governance and the ignoring of the laws bound by the Constitution are punishable as treason.

Who are you guys going to elect that will not be bound by global governance and won't challenge the authority of the constitution, because you cannot name one president and hardly any single legislative branch member who hasn't engaged in this activity.

5. Only the founding fathers original interpretation of the constitutional is valid.

Once again, women, minorities and lower middle classes exit stage left.

6. Rejection of all tax laws.

Any group that considers taxes as a form of slavery really wouldn't embrace prison. I would wipe this off the list myself, but that's just me.

7. Free Market over any government regulation.

For more information on how this has been an abject failure and led to the most socialist laws known to this republic, please see the Roaring Twenties. When you have sufficiently been educated on the recorded disasters of an unchecked Free Market, then we can talk. Until then, please stop giving me the finger. You need to blame your parents and the shitty school system for your frightening level of ignorance.

8. Rejection of tyranny.

Agreed, but most of the language in your principles sound a bit authoritative, like "We only accept the original form of the constitution."

9. Rejection of usurping the checks-and-balances of governance.

I will respectfully leave this alone, for its populist sentiment is at its basest form a "All puppies are cute" kind of thing.

10. The government is at service to the people.

Well, I thought we were Free Market. There is no government service without the people, and if the people are going to "be" as opposed to "being represented by" the government, then Principle #10 directly refutes Principle #7 and turns this thing into a pseudo-Bolshevik rally, and I did not bring my notes for that one.

11. Reserve the right to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

What the hell are you doing in Hackensack?

12. Reserve the right to remove our consent to be governed.

Please see an earlier principle for the jail solution. I think many of you would likely benefit from incarceration of some kind, but again, I wouldn't recommend it.

13. We only support candidates from whatever party that adheres to these principles.

Good luck.

Okay, so in conclusion, I offer my sincerest wishes of fortune on your meaningless journey to nowhere, as I will conclude with the same slice of wisdom I offered to an anti-war rally four years ago, when similar mud-brains thought by electing new guys to the same System would end the fifteen wars we've got going.

Do yourselves a favor; ignore the ugliness of the big picture; get laid and have a beer. Better people than you have given up far more for less. Write it off as a loss and try and be happy. It could be worse, you could be gay and pay all the taxes for half the rights.

Thank you and God bless me and everything I stand for, and god damn the rest of it.

"Happy Tax Day!"

© James Campion April 17th 2010


Finally! Someone with the balls and the integrity and the stand-up, on-record history of supporting Israel calling out this ridiculous Benjamin Netanyahu grandstanding. (WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE...
    I am sick and tired of countries we support financially and militarily, pissing all over us -- ungrateful, whining fuckers. And nice job deconstructing the asinine rambling from Hamid Karzai. This is another head of state only breathing because of our money and blood. It is high time that both the Left & Right realize that there is a fine line between "protecting national interests abroad" become an albatross.
    It took ball, Campion, and you GOT 'EM.

Your best column to date, Big Kahuna Jc...
Do these countries ring a bell for rogue U.S. Foreign Policy dictated by "Spooks and Goblins" [See Family Jewels Report - FOIA]:  Korea - Rhee [Dulles], Cuba - [Bay of Pigs Dulles], Vietnam - Diem [John McCone],  Cambodia - Lon Nol, Laos - Vang Pau [Golden Triangle:  William Colby], Australia - Gough Witham,  Philippines - Marcos Regime, Indonesia - Suharto, Haiti - Duvalier "Poppa Doc" [American Tobacco Co] - Chili - Salvadore Allende [Bush Sr], Argentina - Peron, Leapoldo Galtieria, Nicaragua - Samoza , Iran - Shah [Richard Helms CIA Ambassador], India - Raj Najrain [Indira -Raj Gandi], Pakistan - Ali / Benazir Bhutto [Perez],  Panama - NOREIGA [Dulles, McCone, Bush Sr, William Casey], and the cast of characters goes on under THE CRIMES OF PATRIOTS [Jonathon Kwitny]....for AIPAC, the Mossad, visa the CIA, from the Catbird's Seat under the "Phoenix Project" for the South Pacific Sovereign Council For National Policy, aka, Dr. Strange Love, aka, Kissinger of Death Associates [9/11 WTC Commission "Report"?]  South Sea Traders, LLC ~  Shaloha Pumehana  [Veterans United For Truth, Inc].  Anymore questions?  SIR NO SIR!

I see you have your anger on this week!
If you look at almost every single failed state in the world you will see the past meddling of Western and/or Eastern hegemony.  Cuba, Iran, Korea, Vietnam, Palestine. All places democracy stared across battle lines at the wicked and perverse communists...and it all melted down. Reap/Sow..etc.
    Iran is the best one yet. We toppled the rightful secular government because they nationalized oil production...then it snapped back with a vengeance in 1979. Lessons of history we discard.
    I think once some of the crusty old fellas in the legislature, the state department and the oil companies start to age-out, we might see some common sense worming its way back into the process...but it ain't going to happen soon.
Jonathan Young
North Kingstown

Strong but well put. We have to stop Israel getting away with insulting our country and interfering in our internal politics. Time to show Israel the back door and end our "special relationship."

We support Israel, as it is the only democratic government in the Middle East and should be an example to the Muslim countries surrounding her. But it is obvious she does not want to solve the Palestinian problem. The Palestinians want peace and their own country, so do the Israelis, so why don't they come to some agreement? I don't see peace there in my lifetime.

You assume a lot for the US. Israel would still be there despite the US. The Germans had 5 years with the most efficient killing machine and only a few years after the 2nd World War the state of Israel was born.
How come you guys can't take on Afghanistan on your own? Why have you not destroyed the poppy fields there where 90% of heroine is coming from and the main financial source for weapons for the Taliban?
History is starting to show that the US is in decline because it's becoming evident that at a governmental level all you do is for yourself. For the big boys you are, you are running scared all the time and the result is a lot of overkill military action in place of well-crafted response.
Israel took care of Iraq and Syria's nuclear capability, not by blowing up weddings but by doing surgical strikes. Thanks to them you did not have to face those in the last two wars with Iraq. Israel is right to stand firm and not be bullied by the US.
You're losing all that made you great but don't make the mistake of Goliath, you can't even take care of your own patch, and boy what an arsenal you have! I put it to you, no Israel, no America.

This is always my favorite read of the week. I never know what the hell is coming, and mostly, even if I disagree, I am surprised. I learn, I rage, and I am a better person for it. You, sir, are not an ideologue, and you -- unlike many who falsely claim to be -- are an independent and brave voice in what appears to be a stringent list of talking point weakling pundits who can barely consider an original thought. This Reality Check thing you've got going is the very essence of a democratic voice in a sea of BLAH. Thank you for continuing to unfurl stories and subjects in new forms and with great passion.
    However, this is one of those times I think -- and surprisingly so -- you have reached a meanness point that is troubling. And not because it gives me the willies from those horrible Bush years where it seemed like everyone around the world was an enemy if it did not support the U.S., but because it is close to the political "truth" without any concern for "people'. And I know you've written plenty about how countries don't give a heck about any other countries, much less people, but then why do you perpetuate this cold, hard, almost inhuman stance as well?
    Again, I love your work, but there never seems to be a place for "people" in it, I shouldn't say never, but I feel safe in saying, "hardly ever".
    This is the true crime of America's foreign policies and its ungrateful allies.
    This should have been put in your piece and it was sadly absent.
Sherrie Gallagher

With Friends Like These
James Campion

It is time to face the hard truth: Nation building, like Liberalism and Conservatism, is a failed American philosophy, which for some strange reason seems to go on unchecked.

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