The International Writers Magazine: Comment
SOLUTIONS FOR OPEC PRICE GOUGING
I think this space has made perfectly
clear its low expectations for our Boy President. Many liberals
think him evil and mad. He isnt. Those on the right celebrate
his tough frankness. Not exactly. The best and worst you can rate
George W. Bush against most modern presidents is limited. I have
used mediocre to describe his tenure. I still think its
apt, no matter how many of the poor he lets die.
at war, ostensibly for oil, or freedom, or security, or some such
Granted, the second
term thing carries with it a predictable kind of doom, like the ragged
end of his incoherent sentences, but for the most part, Captain Shoo-In
is unlucky, unprepared, and a shitty leader. Establishing this, there
is one thing we did not count on - this pathetic inability to manage
these OPEC cretins.
Regardless of what you think of Dick Chaney or Donald Rumsfeld or the
Halliburton gang or whomever you'd like to name for crimes against humanity
or heroic duty against all odds, none of us thought these rich bastards
would allow OPEC to sink the world economy, and with it, the Republican
Party. And this Republican congress; what a bunch of pussies. Where
is the GOP iron fist? Where is the big corporate greed for the good
of the US dollar? Where are the strong words and calming aphorisms from
the fiscally sound party?
Id be willing to put up with these outlandish civil rights abuses,
land rapes, the gay bashing and religious fanaticism if somebody would
make even a veiled attempt at ceasing this oil price gouging. Maybe
we can exhume Regan and prop him up on the world stage like the old
days. Well get Springsteen to play "Born In The USA"
and then complain its been co-opted by kill freaks.
I dont want to hear about alternative sources of energy either.
This is nonsense. That dog didnt have wings during the Carter
Gas Crisis, and it can barely trot now. I wonder how many Arabs we have
to kill to get this under two bucks a gallon. Is it wrong to call for
an assassination in a column? Hearst did it. McKinley, I think. Then
someone shot the poor bastard and we were all giddy about the power
of the pen. But I wouldnt write such nonsense. Not now. Hearst
was a maniac. His wife was a dummy and his best newsmen spent weekends
in opium dens. He had his reasons, and I have mine.
Were at war, ostensibly for oil, or freedom, or security, or some
such shit. I dont know. I do know that three bucks a gallon for
gasoline is stupid, especially with oil barons running things. And if
they have the future of their partys majority standing in congress
at heart, they will end this madness.
So in lieu of murder I call for our president to use the WTO to file
a business grievance with OPEC for obvious racketeering and overt mockery
of trade laws. He likes to bully easy targets like the UN. I say to
hell with that atavistic slough. We need the tough guy act to hit these
fuel criminals where it hurts. Failing that, someone should be shot.
Shake up the cartel a little, a kind of Mafia thing.
Did I just write that? Doesnt matter. It will never make press.
Someone dying for gasoline? Its absurd. It would have to top four
dollars before bodies started turning up, right? Who knows? Were
through the looking glass now, people. Black is white and up is down.
Wait until the winter comes. Youre going to see some bitching
then. Killing OPEC chairmen will be the tamest suggestion.
One more reasonable solution is to start attacking EXXON and MOBILE
like the Clintons went after the tobacco crowd. Start with full investigations,
audits and sanctions; an all-out smear campaign complete with Texas
fat cats chewing on fresh placenta. Paint those in charge as spawns
of Satan and the ruination of American youth. We can get one of these
evangelist nuts that think Adam and Eve played with dinosaurs to start
weeping on television. Maybe some soccer moms with signs. No hippies,
though. People hate hippies.
But lets start with legal matters: the complaint. Its easy.
Six of the seven OPEC cartels are part of the WTO. Threaten them with
pulling our engineers. No American engineers, no oil production. No
oil production, no printing money. Balls in a vice. Prices lower. The
citizens of the richest nation are happy and willing to send more of
their kids to die in the desert to secure Iraqi religious fanatics for
Of course this wont happen. Forget about the 10% kickback for
the oil barons, what about this insane spike in gas tax? Its an
incremental raise every time these prices jump. I know the federal government
needs the money. We have a huge deficit and a dipshit in the White House.
But enough is enough.
© James Campion September 18th 2005
(Spare a thought for the UK where gas is $8 dollars an imperial gallon)
Ed Sept 19th
Legal - the case for drugs
We Want Bolton
Den of Iniquity
Rove - superhero
Castro must Die!
The Big Desperate (New
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