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February 02 Issue

Sara Towe

Why is it the regular man does not quite measure up to our sexy screen stars?

I have not met many movie stars in my life, but a few have been fortunate enough to cross paths with me. Do I sound conceited? When you see what it is that I have to say perhaps not.

What draws us to these manly men or sexy women, why do we think that they are more desirable than a regular man next door? Why do we lust after them, or wish to make our own man emulate them? Why is it the regular man does not quite measure up to our sexy screen stars? Also why is it that many a woman has made a complete idiot of them selves trying to get to know and be with these stars?

We watch them on the screen be so much larger than life and in situations that are daring dangerous and precarious. We see them in desperate state of lust always getting the girl against all odds. We long to be that woman wrapped in their arms, if only we could take them home with us. We watch TV every week to catch that sexy hunk and imagine all sorts of things that he would do to you, that would makes our partners hair curl, or wish that he was the hunk instead.
Posters, magazines, Internet any way we can get them we try. They command millions of dollars pay. But is it because they are such great actors? or just wonderful chunks of sexy meat?
WOW! Did I say that, am I being sexist? How would I like it if someone spoke of women in that way! Whoops they already do.

There are such actors that have paid their dues and still command the audience’s attention, they get work because they can act and have an aura that is not just sex appeal. Even if it is, they sell sexual fantasy well, maybe they are worth the dollars after all.

Who have I come home fantasizing about? I have been a longtime admirer of Harrison Ford, Mel Gibson, Sean Connery (whom I did meet long ago). These guys have a way about them that in many ways is not present in the new young stars. Both Harrison and Gibson have cheeky eyes and smiles, one moment there’re look says, "you’re a dead man" the next says, "I am sexy in my innocent way come to bed with me." Neither of them takes their sex appeal seriously, and they are all so versatile in their acting abilities, even humble in their own achievements. It makes them more desirable. We as women (I speak for many I am sure) hate braggarts.

Seeing some man strutting their stuff as if they are gods gift to all women is such a turn-off you would not believe. When he walks into a room pausing so that everyone can check him out, waiting for all the admirers to respond to his looks and charm (or so he would like us to think), commanding the women to swoon over him. How can we take them seriously when all they want is for you to adore them as much as they adore themselves.

Good looks are a personal thing; we don't all go for the same type thank god, but of course in the movies and TV you would think that everyone has their niche and that is who they are. In order to get known in this industry, many an actor has had to take roles that he would rather not do, but every now and then, a role of a lifetime comes along and presto, you are now a sex symbol.
Just another struggling actor trying to make a living at what they love who has struck it lucky. Yet if we met these men somewhere out there in the ordinary world, would we be so enthralled? Their looks may get our attention but would their personality pass muster? Are there any 'real men' actors. If you met a star would you really be interested in the person that they truly are, or the characters that they play and the image that they have had to live up to? Truthfully now.

There are some out there that were born with sex appeal, and are still good actors today. Many years ago when he was at the top of his game, I literally bumped into Richard Harris. Who you say? Well for starters the Roman Emperor in 'Gladiator' and the wizard Dumbledor in 'Harry Potter'. Now he is a much older man, but back then he was the renegade sex idol of his time. When I met him it was a hot summer in South Africa, he was there to make a movie, I lived there at the time. I was waiting to meet my date in a hotel lobby and he was walking around the corner, we collided in to each other. Before I looked up to apologies I felt this overwhelming sense of sensuality from this man I had bumped into. When I looked up I was surprised to see that it was Richard Harris. He smiled and apologized and then started to talk to me, his eyes were intense and he had this overwhelming way of making you feel all woman. He started to ask me out when his wife at the time came blubbering down the stairs, and that was that. For one moment my womanhood had been acknowledged and I was left feeling sensual and desirable, which was surly wasted on the date that I did go on. Would I have gone on the date with Richard if there was no wife? you bet, but only because he made me feel all woman.

So some of our sexy actors do live up to their image, how they handle it is another thing. Some actors are cheats and are only living out the characters that they play in TV or movies. So why are we enthralled with then? Is it that just that they are famous, so therefore must be rich, sexy and have a wonderful social life? The glamour, the parties, the dryout clinics, the other actors the fans? You get them all into a room together and you soon realize that they are just as panicky as anyone these days, not knowing when the next job will be, or how long the show is going to run, or if they will be killed off? They are just as vulnerable as us, they also have mortgages (the most of them, there are only a few that are really rich). When they get together it is to pat each other on the back and congratulate ach other, all the while thinking that they could have done that part better.

So ordinary people with extraordinary jobs, one moment in everyones living room or filling the big screen, the next moment everyonewonders whatever happend to 'whathisname'?
So is it the fantasy that we go for? Or do these actors genuinely turn us on?

Is it Keanu Reeves with his low husky voice, Jude Law with those sultry eyes, Keefer Sutherland with his intensity (now renewed with his action drama '24 hours' or Ewan McGregor singing sweet love songs to you. What is it that turns our heads? Bad boy images such as Sean Penn? John Malkovich with his out of this world, out of his mind roles? You can’t call Tom Hanks sexy (unless you are his wife) but he is charming. Anthony Hopkins is intense yet appears gentle, what draws us to him? What about Heath Ledger and those big brown eyes and sweet boyish smile. Regarding Mark Wahlberg, is it the leather or the obsessive sexual nature of his roles? And let's not forget that Michael Douglas has had his share of sexy roles, so too Kevin Spacey prior to blobbing out in 'Shipping News'.

Are we intrigued with the actor or the character? Should we be role-playing a little with our own men if it turns us on? Do they have it in them to play-act back? It is all about fantasy, the desire, the longing to have what we do not have. Perhaps if we had a little more romance in our own lives, a little lust, maybe we would not look to these actors so intently, but alas that is why they are there after all is it not? To play to our fantasies and fulfil our imaginations wanton desires.

So am I conceited? Or just a realist?
If any of the actors were our partners would we still be looking somewhere else? Maybe fantasizing about the postman? Who knows it might turn out to be Kevin Costner.

Enjoy the Oscars and the fantasy.
I wish you positive living.

© Sara Towe March 2002
You can visit Sara's new website right now -

Shedding of the winter skin.
Sara Towe escapes to the sun

So off we went, all aware of this last trip and that we do not spend a lot of time together as a family anymore.

Sara Towe

Why is it the regular man does not quite measure up to our sexy screen stars?

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