The International Writers Magazine: Lifestories

Lost – How can you break a broken heart?
Natalie Tehrani

The people around me were but a swirling mass of colour. I could feel nothing except an intense, numb pain. Like a sickening ache that weakens you; so I was plagued for days, weeks. Nearly months.The air bit me and the voices snapped. I was always cold. The dark times let me hide. The light illuminated my tears. Sometimes I’d venture back there, only to lose myself again.

Thoughts, inescapable. Scratching thoughts. They made me mad. I would have torn them out. I tried. But I was dead and drained and weak. And I was always cold. Some days I’d catch the warmth but the fire would always burn out.

I was alone, somewhere near but yet too far. Isolated and scared. No dreams but the nightmares you marched through my mind. No hopes. The dark was all I knew and sometimes, in my despair, was where I wanted to be.
Let it consume me.

Leave me here where no one can touch me. Let my heart slowly turn to stone. I won’t forget you. I can’t. You are so cold in return.

Shattered and broken; let the blood flow. Torn into pieces my heart breaks each time. How can you break a broken heart? I question myself again and again. I wanted answers but they didn’t come. I fought hard against it, but I was overcome with a wave of power that made me undone.

I tried to speak, but the words were wrong. I wanted you to know but you weren’t there. You were moving fast, and far away. I was stuck and shaking, this wasn’t how it was meant to be.

Outside I shrank and couldn’t breathe. Inside I sat and cried and cried. I felt lost, couldn’t find my way back to who I’d been before. It was as if I’d died. There were those who cared and those who lied, people preached and others tried. There was you who’d left. But there was one who stayed by my side throughout, she never gave up. She was my only help.

And still, the stars would look down and frown. I could only sigh. I wanted to be saved, but I wouldn’t fight. Then… day I was warmer and I stepped into the light.
Far from over but it was a path, a strand, a start. It was the beginning, the beginning of an end to a broken heart.

 © Natalie Tehrani is studying Creative Writing at the University of Portsmouth
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