The International Writers Magazine: Modern Living
in a life of a Chav
I wake up with a killer hangover from drinking three litres of white
lightning cider. I look over to the bed and see my bitch lying there.
Little cow should be in school now. I put on my Burberry dressing
gown over my Burberry boxer shorts and put on my Burberry baseball
cap. I look in the mirror and see I have a fat shiner from when
I knocked twenty blokes out last night.
2.30pm: I slowly
and carefully put on my ten twenty-four carat sovereign rings. Now for
the chains, one by one I place solid gold medallions around my neck.
Man Im cool. I am dressed damn good in my Nike tracksuit bottoms
with my Burberry socks pulled over them. I also have on a Nickleson
polo shirt that I wear with the collar up to look extra cool. The most
important part of the outfit however is the Burberry baseball cap that
is slightly tipped upwards and is worn at a precise 45 degree angle.
3pm: After spending the necessary time dressing well I am now hungry.
I leave my digs and open the garage to see my favourite girl: my car.
There she stands a shiny black, freshly waxed kitted-up Nova with alloy
wheels and a monster of a spoiler on the back. The rear window has a
huge sticker reading Max Power stuck to it. Max Power is
the ultimate car and chick magazine and the only thing worth the energy
of reading. I unlock the car and start the engine. My stereo comes on
blasting out with music from 50 Cent. I cruise to McDonalds in true
4pm: The afternoon involves time in my garage fitting my new twenty
disc changer JVC stereo that my mate managed to get hold of for me.
I also add a couple of blue L.E.Ds to the bonnet. These will go with
the blue neon light that displays underneath the car in the dark. I
also spend a whole hour cleaning and waxing her. It is very important
to have a clean car at all times. My car will look damn good tonight.
6.30pm: I get out of the shower and get dressed for tonight. I decide
to make an extra special effort and wear the white tracksuit bottoms
for a change. So I put on my Reebok tracksuit bottoms with my blue Fred
Perry top and of course most importantly the Burberry baseball cap,
at the precise angle of 45 degrees. I spray on my Tommy Hillfiger aftershave,
the ladies love it. I put on my Schott hoodie because it looks chilly
outside and pull the hood up over my baseball cap. I leave my digs and
drive to the shops where I meet my mates.
8pm: I go cruising around the town in my Nova with four of my mates
in the back. Dr Dre is blasting from the stereo, very cool. My car has
just managed to do 90 miles per hour in a 40 mile restricted area. Nice.
I slow down though when I approach some shops. I want people to recognise
how cool I am.
1am: I pull up in the car park of Marshall Tyres warehouse. Im
on my own, this is my little secret. I pull on my overalls and begin
to load and unload tyres off lorries. Its a crap job but it gives
me money and I need money for my car and my collection of Burberry baseball
© Kerry Savage November 2004
Kerry is a Creative Writing student at Portsmouth University
all rights reserved