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The Girls Of Japan
Mandy Mand

'Get your Louis Vuitton purses at the ready girls - it's handbags at dawn'!

This month as I thought I'd take a closer look at the girls of Japan.
So lets begin with School girls!

If you've seen Austin Powers Goldmember recently then let me confirm that Japanese school girls really do look like that! Cute plaits, Barbie make-up and Hello Kitty school back packs - you can forget school disco - these girls beat every man's wildest fantasy especially for business men where, sadly, school girl pornography is in big demand.
The uniform comes in two styles;
1) A navy uniform complete with sailor collar, hat and gloves, or,
2) The big sock variety. Practically drowned in a big blue blazer which swamps them - girls wear outrageously short mini-pleated skirts that barely cover their modesty, tight white shirts and neck ties.
You could almost call them the Asian equivalent of Britney Spears - fluffy hair clips n' all but only better as the whole ensemble isn't complete however, without very big, dazzling white and fantastically chunky white socks.

Socks which are so big that if pulled up to full capacity - could easily reach the top of Tokyo Tower!
They are instead, slouched down creating a chunky layered effect just below the knee which are then held in place by sock glue. Oh yes! You read that last bit right! The Japanese think of everything...including sock glue! In fact, body glue is extremely popular here in Hello Kitty land. Its used for everything from sock glue to shoulder glue. The glue keeps shoulder bags perfectly in place across the shoulders whilst also serving a double function in making a good preventative measure against anyone trying to steal their Lois Vuitton handbag. Incidentally, Lois Vuitton launched their new range last week and the store was packed full with hundreds of Japanese girls (boyfriend in tow) ready to snap up the latest design.
Vast quantities of boyfriend's cash (I love this country!!) was handed over and it got pretty ugly at one point as bags started to sell out at a rapid rate.
'Get your Lois Vuitton purses at the ready girls - it's handbags at dawn'!

So back to glue (crikey! I can`t believe I've rambled on so much about an adhesive! - someone please give me a life!)
You can also buy hair glue, nail glue, shoe glue (in case those 10inch high heels start to crumble amidst the scrum for the latest designer Lois Vuitton carry case), pant/trouser glue - for the prevention of builders miniscule bum on their non existant cute derrieres...oh and eye lash glue to achieve that cute wide eyed look - are just some of the products on sale in Japan which are used for making the Japanese ladies look good.

I`ve also discovered the secret of how they manage to stay so thin! They go wild for supports! Big Bridget Jones styley holder-inner underpants, cyclng shorts, strips of tape which are wrapped around legs and thighs to suck in the little fat they have, ginormously high heeled shoes and a diet of rice and cigaretes is all you need to achieve that super duper chopstick thin figure. They even wear holder-inner stockings underneath their jeans and thats in the peak of summer!
But there is some good news for all you candy lovers out there - Japanese girls are actually getting bigger in size and more Western looking - yayyyy!! Blame it on the number of Macdonalds, KFCs and Haagan Daz Ice-cream shops which have cropped up on every street corner - junk food tastic!!

One of my Japanese stick thin buddies exclaimed to me once - 'Mandy! I love your figure - I soooo jealous!!' (to be read with Japanese accent) pointing to my, ok so I admit, rather generously proportioned and outwardly oversized breasts! She was saying all this whilst puffing on a cigarette and nibbling on a lettuce leaf. So you would think that maybe whe was being just a tad sarcastic causing me to run away and buy every holder-inner and support tastic glue in sight.
The sad truth, however, is that these ladies do actualy want to look more western and will go to extreme lengths in order to do so. The ultimate goal for many women in Japan, especially the 30+ age group, is to have white skin. Women are obsessed and many a TV advert shows hour long demonstrations on magic cream which makes your skin turn white - move over Michael Jackson - these people are even crazier than you!! Whoops of delight and 'sagoy!!' (means - great!) fill the TV studio as the demonstrator`s assistant shows off one white hand in comparison to the other un-magic-creamed hand (it's a bit like a pampers nappy advert).

Fortunately, the younger girls are starting to reject this madness and are opting for the golden sunkissed look, but, for the 30+ - white is the way to be and are paranoid about the teeniest ray of sunlight falling on their bare skin.

In order to avoid any contact whatsoever women take to wearing long white gloves when driving, and carrying an umbrella/ parasol wherever they go. The Japanese are always prepared for whatever the weather here and have an umbrella on standby wherever they go.

After rainy season which falls in June - comes the summer where as mentioned before in previous mails - temperatures soar to around 38 degrees. But umbrellas don`t get put away! Oh no!! They have a double function you see and what once steered off the rain quickly transforms itself into a parasol in order to block out the sun. Gee! they think of everything! In't it maaaarrvellous! Wherever you go - you'll always see an umbrella in Japan which isn't that great for me being 'tall girl in Japan' as I often get bashed in the ribs by deadly killer umbrella spikes and the culprits are nearly always 80% little old Japanese ladies.

Hmmmmmmm.............Japanese old ladies....kitted out in Kimonos, Addidas trainers, Lois Vuitton handbags and 'Harrods' shopper bags - they kind of remind me a bit like the cross between a hobbit and Yoda (a la Star Wars) - very small, very wrinkly with no teeth due to living up in the Volcanoes and Mountains on a diet of rice and seaweed...oh and they are also pretty damn rude!
Japanese Grandma`s rule the subway system. They push, shove, spit, scowl, talk about 'the children of today' (in Japanese of course) and stare at anyone western looking. These are people you don`t want to get on the wrong side of unless you fancy being bashed on the head with a walking stick - or worse still - an umbrella. The only advantage I`ve got on them I guess is that they're only waist height - 'awwwww!! ickle diddyness! so its usually a clout round the backside for me instead - grrrrrrrr!!

So these are are just some observations of women in Japan. (Don`t even get me started on diet pills!!) Next month - it's the men's turn who buy just as many beauty products as the girls, and are the most feminine looking blokes I`ve seen in a long time - bring back `Wham` - all is forgiven!

© Mandy Mand 2002
Mand was teaching English in Japan is now seeking a publisher for her tales from Japan.

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Japanese soccer hooligans went crazy and threw themselves off the famous Totomi bridge into a river in the middle of Osaka

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and of course that essential pink sparkly phone!

I realised that wearing a black and white polka dot lace thong was not the best move!

From Hollywood to Dollywood
The Japanese folk looked on in horror - tragic thing was that these weren't actually hooligans but English teachers from Australia

Mandy Mand in Japan - Summer Hols in Okinawa and Tokyo
Sadly, you're not supposed to stare or even look at the monkeys...

Social Life In Japan
Let's Go Bowling!
Mandy Mand in Osaka

More about Japan in Hacktreks

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