The International Writers Magazine:Dreamscapes
lights go on messing up my mind
Light /White Heat crackles down the hall; the sounds of the Velvet Underground
score my arrival.
And then my mother, acting like a mother, but not really, violently
cry god damn you!
And then my father, pretending to be a father, but not very well, pinches
that newborn skin and growls Act like a childs supposed
to damn it!
Its on the screen, recorded on the tapes, hidden in the archives,
repeated in the re-runs. Not a natural birth, mine was a historical
event. I was born on cue.
Tune into the Shimmering Light new season premier special event as Roslyn
Nightly and Harry Jordan of the worlds most popular soap opera
Shimmering Light have their first child live on camera. Drama and reality
meet as the worlds newest daytime television star is born. Dont
Now theres just me. Me watching an out-of-focus me on the television
screen fascinated by an out-of-focus me on the studio monitor. Bewildered.
An indistinguishable face under studio lights disturbing the world with
blurred ambivalence. The Velvet Underground crackled down the hall.
White light go on messing up my mind. I felt the engine grunt of acted
laughterbomb whistle sighswave crash breathspower
drill snifflesthe chainsaw roar of cheers of acted joy. Then the
sear of silence.
Don't you know it's gonna make me go blind? New eyes reflected white
maskswhite cardboard wallswhite actors in white coatswhite
stressed producer hairwhite burning under white fluorescent back-lot
White light move in me and drain. A blood rush to the head. An ejaculation
to the ears. A panic of fever flushed with anaemia. And now, now, thirty
years later now when legs, eyes, and muscles, weakenflickercollapse,
its like White Light/White Heat rushing out of control.
White heat, it tickles me down to my toes. Alone. Lost in a reconstruction
of a glimpse of a world made up of sets, scripts, story boards, and
and I escaped being rushed from the studio, hooked up to
an incubator, and splashed in living colour on front pages for two days.
White light is lighting up my eyes. Don't you know it fills me up with
surprise? The doctors gave my parents the news on camera. My sickness
was reported on every six oclock news program.
He may have severe narcolepsy we cant be certain at this
stage the symptoms may subside, but there is a strong possibility
that they will persevere with maturity its unclear. If
it is narcolepsy it may be caused by an over-stimulus of emotion
which may or may not result in narcoleptic seizures that incur nightmarish
hypnagogic hallucinations where the notion of reality in the patient
may become blurred.
My character never returned. Narcolepsy. The newborn star was sent to
live with an aunt in the country. Theyd never forgive me for destroying
White light, I tell you now, goodness knows. The Velvet Underground
collapses under overstilmulation. My velvet underground is the glimpse
of black between the end of a scene and television ads, the gaps between
words of a soap opera script, the missing time it took to take a newborn
child from a hospital to a hospital set.
© Roger Duncan March 2004
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