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: MItch Bytes Back

The Bush Bandwagon
Mitch climbs aboard

Sporting blue shirts and red ties these days. Back on the Bush bandwagon. If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
Now that the election's over I'm determined to be a uniter, not a divider. Gotta suck it up four more years for the heartland and good ole boys from Texas. Live from the Civil War it's...

But as I move, humor me one last vent before I drift into commentary oblivion. Ya see it all started the other nite at 3AM when I caught a glimpse of the latest ABC/CNN/Gallup exit poll telling me the main criteria people used to vote for President Bush was based on "moral values". Losing it momentarily, Republican red flashed before my very eyes while in the same vain I thanked god for letting me reside in Bluesville PA, one of the few Kerry narrow victories.

Didn't seem to matter to the NASCAR "moral value" majority that gas is sky-rocketing over 2 dollars a gallon, jobs are few and far between, deficit is out the wazoo, healthcare's unaffordable for over 40 million Americans, war rages on in Iraq with no end in sight, terrorism threatens the homeland daily... No my friends, that was all put on the back burner of the booth for the pressing "moral values" issues of (I'm guessing) abortion, stem cells, gay marriage, gun control, conservative Supreme court justices, cornhusking...Did I mention the horrific frivolous lawsuits, where attorneys like Edwards actually try to win money for families that have suffered unconscionable losses, damages, and mental anguish due to incompetent physicians/hospitals?

That's right, "moral values" was the key determining factor, ironically spewing from the same bible belt folk that not more than 50 years ago sterotypically used to hang Jews and blacks if they had nothing better to do on a Saturday night, practiced incest on a regular basis, and beat the hell (I mean heck) out of their wives for fun after a couple dozen brews at the friendly neighborhood bar.

Mind boggling to think about all the intensely critical issues we face in this time of international crisis and "moral values" surfaces to the top of the charts. Were we electing a preacher or a president? What happened to the old founding fathers church separate from state ideology? Bet the ranch in Montana that Reverend Falwell and Pat Robertson will crush any newcomers in '08. Bring 'em on boys.

And did I miss something or does John Kerry hang out with Larry Flynt, Howard Stern and Caligula combined? Don't Catholics have any "moral values" anymore? Or does god set aside all the crucial judgements for the fanatic born again christian brigade that hates anyone that's not a born again zealot like themselves. Not gonna equate it with the Aryan philosophy, but it's tempting.

In the end guess it's just as well Kerry lost. He'll get along fine retiring with his billions back to his Senate seat. Maybe he can finally vote on something now that he has time on his hands. Not to mention I'm sure Teresa would have said something stupid anyway.
She reminds me of a modern day Billy Carter in drag, but not as sexy. She would have started WWIII with one of her biting off the cuff remarks at the state dinner with the Chinese ambassador or make fun of how Iraqi women are treated in this day and age of independence or maybe thrown paint on Putin's sable vest. Oyvey, leave it to Terri.

So yeah, starting to think straight "C"'s at Yale really isn't that bad, not bad at all. And look on the bright side, whole grain carbs will be chic again with pork belly jam. Dare I say it's a great time to invest in Wal-Mart, not to mention our friends at Halliburton. Put vacationing in Tuscaloosa rather than St. Bart's on the list of do's, too. Save a ton of money.

No wonder we had the biggest turnout since 1960, way back when what's his name was elected President.
Are you kidding, Kennedy would have never stood a chance today. Please, JFK vs GWB....No brainer.
You do the electoral math, Einstein.
© Barry Mitchell - November 16th 2004

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