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The International Writers Magazine
:My Birthday 2054

So last century dude
Alex Segal

Dear Diary.
Finally it’s March 30th 2054. You know what that means? Hope you didn’t forget!
It’s my 16th birthday of course and it sure didn’t disappoint. I had set my brain alarm to wake me up bright and early at 7am and when Robustus, my new robot, told me my presents were downstairs, I quickly pulled on some clothes and headed down the escalator. I like Robustus. He’s so much nicer than my old house robot, Annadroid. Thank God she had a fuse attack last week and the doctors couldn’t operate. I can’t believe mum is still making me go to her funeral next week.

You’ll never believe what was waiting for me downstairs! Firstly, my dad got me some stupid antique from like fifty years ago. It’s called a ‘CD’ or something. It probably stands for ‘Crap Disc’ it looks pathetic. What the hell would you do with it? I’ll use it as a Frisbee next time I see dad and aim it at his head for getting me such a useless present. I reckon CD’s were probably before technology even existed, poor dad.

Besides that piece of junk, mum got me my very own teleporting kit. It’s about time too. House escalators are going out of fashion and I need to keep up with the trends to impress this girl from school, so I can just teleport everywhere now. Unfortunately for me, it didn’t include any AAAAA batteries so I can’t use it just yet.
The rest of my family got me lots of cool stuff. I got a retro-hover board, which apparently was made because of some old film having a seventieth anniversary or something. I also got a full sized swimming pool that fits in my pocket at the push of a button and a TTV – ‘A Thumb Television’.

Mum and dad decided to take me out for dinner. However, the skyway was completely blocked off because of some high-speed crash, so we had to turn back and ended up playing a game of ‘Ceiling Wars’ back home. Robustus and I beat mum and dad easily!

It’s been such a great day. Tomorrow we have to go vote – how boring. My parents are voting for Tony Blair. Don’t ask me why. That's to modern surgery he’s been in power for 58 years now. Robustus thinks he’s an anti-techno and is voting for the opposition, another old guy named Wayne Rooney. To be honest with you, I don’t really care! Politics is so last century.

I’ve got to go now; my brain alarm is telling me that ‘Big Brother 53’ is about to start on the TTV. Can’t miss it!
© Alex Segal MArch 2054

Film Studies & Creative Arts Portsmouth University

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