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The International Writers Magazine
: Mitch Bytes Back

Why the President cannot tell jokes
Barry Mitchell on weapons of mass hallucination

Bush lampooning the search for weapons of mass destruction? Still can't get over it. Thought it was 1975 and I was hallucinating for a minute. Everything that comes to mind is the "f" word, followed closely in hand by many "d" words. Never seen anything so despicable, disgusting, disgraceful in my life.

Distasteful to say the least, teetering on unconscionable.

Forget about laundering back 100 billion to his friends at Halliburton, but sending the bravest young men and women to risk their lives and he has the audacity to make fun of that very UN reason? Can't imagine how those families feel seeing the President with such a cavalier attitude. It's almost as if he thinks he's Caesar and the rest of us are Christian pawns existing for his coliseum amusement.

Bush has nothing better to do than make a blankin' slide show? That's for Jon Stewart, David Letterman, SNL, writers like me to do. He's the President of the United States for Christ sakes! Embarrassed to be an American. Makes his idiotic "Bring 'em on" statement seem tame and kosher. John Kerry should feature the slides in his next campaign ad with cutaways of soldiers getting blown up by roadside bombs, editing back and forth in a strobe-like effect.

I mean how stupid can you be? That's like Ted Kennedy joking about Chappaquiddick, Clinton looking under the desk for the cigar, Gary Condit strolling in the park stumbling over Chandra Levy. Horrific to even fathom.

Why bring it up in the first place? Realize the black tie gala was designed for the President to poke fun at himself and issues of the day, but there are a million opportunities for Bush self-deprecation. He could make light of the pretzel choking incident or show his closet full of 100 blue ties; Pretend his parents are yelling at him in the oval office; Cabinet meetings taking place in pajamas; Holding hands with Cheney at the altar in the Rose Garden with the honorable Donald Rumsfeld presiding to name just a few. Hey, maybe next time he can blacken his teeth, dress like a homeless man, and they can film him begging for a job in DC's unemployment line.
Sure that would go over well with the radio/television writers, too.

Certain things just aren't funny. Jews in ovens, unless you're Hitler. Blacks hanging from trees, unless you're in the Ku Klux Klan. September 11th, unless you're bin Laden.

Fact of the matter is that President Bush crossed over the line. Perhaps he forgot for a split second that he was the catalyst for sending 150,000 of our finest to defend democratic ideals to their very core. To fight and continue to provide us with the freedom and opportunity to enjoy mundanities such as taking in a movie, dinner, shopping at the mall, reading Hackwriters on the web.

I know a lot of us don't even think about Iraq these days, the old out of sight out of mind phenomenon. Too busy trying to get through every multi-tasking day. And we never contemplate soldiers defending liberty while facing death on a daily basis. That they may never come home to their families or return physically and emotionally maimed for life. But the fact still remains.

Maybe one day 25 years from now when the final troops are returning from a long protracted war and thousands have made the ultimate sacrifice so Baghdad McDonald's/Burger Kings can thrive serving billions and billions more, Hyatt/Hilton have re-named Fallujah "Puerto Rico East", and Comcast has opened up the fourth Arabian Disney World, maybe at that point in time we'll be able to laugh about the missing WMD.

Just don't look for me in that jovial, gaffawing, rolling on the floor bunch.
© Barry Mitchell April 2nd 2004

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