The International Writers Magazine: Bar Research
your coat youve pulled
Mandy Ivens-Brown (with an
e) braves the fast and frantic world of chat up lines
and goes in search for the cheesiest line by far with some hilarious
your young free and single chat - up lines can prove extremely
useful particularly when in search of a mate. Ive discovered
through endless nights out on the town, all in the name of research
you understand that its not the line you give but how you
tell it that matters.
One narrow escape
came when I was collered by a Norwegian cross country skier, apparently
famous, who had come to England in search of a fife
um hello? But weve only just met!
Just recently one night out with four of my wild and zany friends proved
that even the discussion of chat up lines became chat up lines in themselves.
We hit the town armed with notepad and pen and by the time I staggered
home at the end of the night, the pad was completely drenched in beer
and covered in telephone numbers and love messages. Before you get too
excited, after all, Ive heard that miracles do happen, these notes
werent for me but instead lovingly dedicated to the responsible
and trusted hands in which I had left the pad with. This would be Tamsyn.
If you have ever read my wedding article then you would know her as
the one legged lager bandit. She has only just recently
come off her crutches, which is a shame because they seemed the perfect
tools in attracting men.
Tamsyn isnt perhaps the most ladylike of females to say the least.
However, she is incredibly stunning as well as just a teeny bit dizzy,
which you just cant help love her for. Whenever youre with
Tamsyn your guaranteed a night of being completely surrounded by eager
young men all throwing themselves at her. Meanwhile, your shunted to
the corner completely devastated because none of these young men have
even so much as glanced at you!
So as you can see, Tamsyn was the ideal candidate for my little chat
up line project. What I didnt expect to happen was for her to
turn the project into a little black book project, but, even so, we
had some hilarious feedback all in the name of research of course!
As you can imagine, the more the beer flowed the less legible the writing
and the tone plummeted to an all time low. Filthy language by filthy
minds you know who you are Andy! You even left your phone number!
When interrogated on the spot it was amazing how the majority of men
couldnt think of anything apart from perhaps hello darling
you look nice! or Cor, I fancy you! which isnt
the most imaginative way of going about things! After a small glimpse
of the pad these initial reactions of dunno, cant fink
soon dispersed and we were enlightened with such comments as: Did
you hurt yourself when you fell from heaven?
How do you
like your eggs in the morning? How did you feel when the angels stole
the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes? Is that a gun in your
pocket or are you just pleased to see me? I may not be the most attractive
of people but Im stood here talking to you! or, alternatively,
heres 10p, ring your mum and tell her your not coming home.
So do these lines actually work however corny they may sound? I must
admit that I can be quite a sceptic when it comes to the drivel that
flows from the beered-up lips of various men out on the town. However,
one chat-up line actually made my heart melt. It came from a rather
shy young man with whom I wasnt expecting much. Then out came
the line how heavy is a polar bear? Dont know? Neither
do I but at least it broke the ice!
Suddenly my knees turned to jelly. Not only was it clean but pretty
clever too. After all, chat-up lines dont necessarily have to
consist of sexual innuendoes.One young man confided in me by saying
that he used chat up lines that required a little time to work out.
If the subjectee is still standing there after a few good minutes trying
to understand exactly what has been thrown at them then you know youve
landed yourself a dud and to move yourself on to the next one. His line
was do you like fruit?
My answers a peach, so I guess him and me will never work out
because Im still trying to figure this one out!
The trick, so Tamsyn has told me, is to have some pre-prepared responses
ready to throw back at them such as youve been following
me around all night are you a haemorrhoid? What this all
has to do with peaches I really dont know. In fact, the whole
thing is becoming rather confusing!
Chat-up lines are all part of the boy meets girl plan. The finding of
a suitable partner ready to spend the rest of your life with
well, thats the general idea anyhow.
Somehow, I dont think: that dress would look even nicer
on my bedroom floor is the right idea of going about things. But
you never know David Copperfield landed himself with the gorgeous
Claudia Schiffer at one point and the only good thing he had going for
him was a black top hat and a fluffy white rabbit.
A girl I know uses her aunts puppy dogs as a way of attracting
the opposite sex. Babies too are a good device especially for men. There
was a study in which two photos were taken of a man and in one photo
he was holding a baby. Passed off as twins females were asked
which of the twins they were attracted to the most and, incredibly,
the photo with the baby won hands down even though it was the same man.
People will go to any lengths in order to attract the opposite sex and
the more fun it is the better. One guy I know will run up to a girl
and make strange Indian/tribal noises then run away again leaving the
victim somewhat baffled!
That night with the note pad turned out to be a huge success. We discovered
that everyone wanted to talk about chat-up lines, they all knew at least
one and everyone was interested in the subject matter.
If you put the thought into someones head then
can happen. Just make sure your not yet another girl with all the stars
in your eyes, as there could be a serious star shortage.
The heart melt thing doesn't work either if its been tried on with the
next girl, and the next, and the next God I hate it when that
© Mandy Mand
Mandy Mand on Japanese
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