International Writers Magazine: Reality Check
Niftier Than Ceasefires & Other Running Jokes
starting quarterback screwed up. Since then it's been a mess.
But fear not, unlike Amorous Abe or our faulty Supreme Being,
I have a grip on this idiocy called The Promised Land, and I aim
to finally impart it. It will not be pleasant, and it will certainly
not adhere to any normal but previously failed policy or philosophy.
However, it is the only solution to bring about a lasting peace
to a region torn asunder by cultural and religious madness for
centuries -- long before there was a United States, and, in fact,
long before anyone labeled European could amble erect.
The first phase
of our solution begins with ceasing this United Nations shit. The best
thing the UN can do is disband. Then it can get the hell out of NYC
before someone gets seriously hurt. No one wants to hear from the UN
on cease fires when it passes all these apparently innocuous resolutions,
like the one they passed over a dozen times on Saddam Hussein, the impotence
of which gave him the balls to start expanding his nonsense to Kuwait
and got us involved. Once that happened, there was no way we could escape
having to eventually oust him, which then morphed into a tainted brand
of Nation Building 101, and we all know how that's turning out.
Every time someone from the UN starts yammering at Israel to calm down
or implores the latest band of marauders to back down someone from Israel
retorts by pointing to a toothless UN resolution. The UN likes to bark,
but has nothing approaching a serviceable bite. It is as useless as
a drug-free American cyclist or Mel Gibson's AA sponsor.
This brings us to the United States and their white-noise president.
Please. No more speeches from George W. Bush on freedom and democracy.
After five years it is beyond funny and has successfully trumped pathetic.
It has now reached the rank of sad, like our Boy President's "Islamic
fascist" comment, which makes as much sense as any number of mumbled
declamatory claptrap this guy's offered for the past six years. And
sadder still is the robotic Condoleezza Rice, who has contradicted herself
so many times over the past 18 months I'm pretty sure ESPN will hire
We need to stay out of this one. Really. I know we bankroll the damn
IDF and I know we have billions invested in these oil fields and refining
centers, but we have proved pretty convincingly now for half a century
we do not know how to wage war anymore, especially a war against guerilla
factions from cultures we know nothing about, like Korea or Vietnam,
and now crazy Islamic extremists. Enough of our Bungling Giant routine,
let the more experienced handle it.
And what about this goofy dilettante crap citing democracy as being
a roadmap to peace? Our friend Tucker Carlson rightfully pointed out
the other day, as did Washington Post columnist, Jefferson Morley in
March of 2005 and yours truly a month earlier, that terrorist champion
Hamas was elected in Palestine, as was Hezbollah to prominent positions
in the Lebanese government. Some 85% of Lebanese support Hezbollah,
which openly ran a campaign with "a call for the destruction of
the state of Israel." Hoorah for democracy!
This brings us to Israel, which has miraculously existed for over half
a century, despite a half dozen or so wars, a million skirmishes, bomb
and missile attacks, terrorist activities, etc. A good portion of its
neighbors, at least those who have the guts to go on record, pretty
much pray, plan, and even attempt to execute this aforementioned "destruction
of" every day. It is no secret: Everyone in the region, whether
Christian, Muslim or Hebrew understand this as fact.
Sure, sometimes there is muted diplomacy-speak about giving this stretch
of sand back or bowing to a religious superstition, but mostly it has
always been, and will always be an Us or Them proposition: An End of
Times Biblical Massacre worthy of King David or the Implosion of Jericho
or the systematic murder of Egyptian children. Oh, it's way beyond the
meager notions of politics or intellect or humanity.
So now that we have eliminated the amateurs and newcomers to this blood
feud and sufficiently pinpointed motivations, we are left with the Arabs
and the Jews, specifically Islam vs. Judaism, or Abe's little mistakes.
Order all the cease-fires you want. We're still left with the sovereignty
of Israel and the promise of a Holy Land. That's all we've ever had
here, fans. Face it. Hezbollah wants to wipe out Israel and the Jews.
The IDF wants to gut, disarm, and annihilate those who point the finger
of violence at it.
I say let it rip.
See how far all the threats and rhetoric can go. Let's see if this is
an exercise in international chest beating by Iran, or if it really
wants the obliteration of western efforts and Israel as a working entity
in Allah's backyard. Why not? This is what they want. This is true freedom
in action. It is their free will, not ours and not the UN's, but their
free will, and even the shortsighted Yahweh has some idea about that
The finality of real peace sometimes takes an addition by subtraction.
It is harsh. It is cold. But it is authentic. Not like all the usual
bullshit we hear from every corner of this globe, and have heard for
a long, long time. Peace often happens after one side is gone, like
the Carthaginians at Himera, or the French at Waterloo, or the Germans
at Leningrad or the Japanese at Hiroshima.
The bleeding hearts and neo-cons do a great deal of sanctimonious grandstanding
and pointless pontificating on the subject of the Middle East, about
oil and peace and God and children and civilians, but we don't really
believe it, because if we did, we'd let them be free to enact all this
stuff they incessantly yammer on about. It is what they want.
The innocent? Enough of these people have had time to contemplate if
they actually want an End of Times or not, and as far as I can see they
have chosen to hang around with the crazies, and therefore they've played
their innocence card, and unfortunately, they are dragging their poor
children down with them.
Hey, people make mistakes with children all the time.
God did with Abraham.
Abraham sure did with his.
Check tonight's news for the results.
© James Campion
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