The International Writers Magazine:REALITY CHECK
I am interested in anything about revolt, disorder, chaos - especially
activity that seems to have no meaning. It seems to me to be the
toward freedom. - Jim Morrison
I have a new hero.
His name is Stacey Campfield, a Republican lawmaker from the state of
Tennessee. Campfield is a major league ballbuster. Coming as no shock
to the readers of this space, ballbusting, especially world-class ballbusting,
is one of my favorite past times. Some might dub it a hobby of sorts.
I consider it more a way of life than a hobby or past time really, a
religion, you might say. But ballbusting has become something of a crusade
for Campfield, who has boldly taken to petitioning the state's Black
Caucus for inclusion. Campfield, you see, is white. Very white. Very
southern white. His blog states emphatically that he loves the Bible
and cites his favorite activities as karate, scuba diving, real estate
and fencing. He left out mayonnaise and the Gap.
Okay, so Campfield is a blonde blue-eyed WASP, who just happens to want
to join the Black Caucus in Knoxville. Whats the big deal?
Black Caucus Chairman Rep. Johnny Shaw, lacking a keen sense of irony,
has described Campfield as an oddball, crazy, and a racist, and strongly
believes he just "wants to mess with somebody". You can't
blame Shaw for not warming to Campfield's high jinks. He's an African
American from Tennessee. He deals with enough shit. Not to mention that
Shaw is old enough to chair a caucus, so he likely remembers when he
was prohibited from eating at the same local diner as guys like Campfield.
For his part Campfield argues that when he endeavored to procure information
on how the group spends its money and, failing this, obtain a list of
its bylaws, a labor he insists was born of curiosity, he was refused.
He had to be a member, Shaw told him. So he applied for membership,
but was summarily denied, because, get this he's white! That's
when Campfield decided to play the race card too. He did so by offering
the KKK's bylaws as being fairer than the Black Caucus.
This brand of homespun wackiness gets you national press. "My understanding
is that the KKK doesn't even ban members by race," Campfield told
AP reporter Matt Gouras, adding that the KKK "has less racist bylaws"
than the black lawmakers' group. By even top-level ballbusting standards,
this is atomic. You must stand in awe of this guy. This shames even
Ann Coulter and Michael Moore style antics.
Back on planet earth, the embattled Black Caucus bylaws begin with a
simple refrain: "The regular membership shall consist of those
black elected officials serving in the state Senate and House of Representatives."
This was apparently not good enough for Campfield, nor should it be
good enough for any worthwhile ballbuster. The ballbuster hopes, even
prays, for boundaries and hurdles impeding the ball-bust salvo. This
way it looks like the ballbuster is truly "working it". I
myself find such vagaries as logic, law, or the odd outcry an added
pleasure to the ballbusting. The best of the best ballbusters had their
own hindrances: Socrates, Jesus, Harriet Beecher Stowe, Gandhi, Alice
Paul, Bobby Seale, Lenny Bruce to name a few. But they rose above them
and made history.
It is unlikely Mr. Campfields story will survive the next hurricane
watch or Bush Administration blunder, but, for now, it is making enough
noise to warrant space here.
As a matter of habit or mental crudeness, I have always enjoyed those
who wish to horn in on traditional parameters for social upheaval. For
instance, the Gay Pride set who insist on marching as gay Irishmen in
the St. Paddy's Day Parade. I always figured parades for all-inclusive
festivities, albeit silly ones, but then the city of New York banned
these potential revelers from marching as gays, not merely Irishmen,
Then there are those interesting theologians, who wish to combine personal
beliefs with the stringent parameters of the Catholic Church, like giddy
pro-choicers who wish to keep posing as Catholic. And the meaningless
anti-activity doesnt have to express social commentary. I especially
love vegetarians who eat fish and dieters who scarf loads of low-cal
cookies. What about federal emergency departments that ignore emergencies?
Thats a good one.
Anyway, you get my drift.
But I pain to demean Campfields efforts to merely better shine
a light on exclusionary tactics, or the semantics of law. For instance,
boys wanting to join the Girl Scouts or vice versa, Jews allowed to
golf in gentile-only country clubs or ten year old girls playing in
the NFL. His is a grander stand.
As a conservative from the south, I bet he also protests the idea that
school prayer and religious symbolism might exclude the sensibilities
of citizens who may not worship. He probably thinks the erosion of the
God thing in American society a devaluation of his rights and morals.
But that can't be right, because then he would be a hypocrite, and,
again, as any reader of this space knows, we don't suffer those gladly.
Of course, I could be wrong about Campfield. Maybe he seriously wants
to participate in the Black Caucus. I fear he will face the same flack
I received from the Sussex County Chapter of the Wicca Society. But
I doubt it. Witches tend to make rashes appear on sensitive places and
speak oddly about your aura. You do not want to ball bust witches.
© James Campion October 3rd 2005
also Deep Throat and other
stories in our Comment
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We Want Bolton
Den of Iniquity
Rove - superhero
Castro must Die!
Solutions for Oil Gouging
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