THE SCIENCE OF GREED
What you are about to read may shock, even dismay you,
wanna hop some more.
4-5-6-7 All good cretins go to heaven. - The Ramones
The latest furor over Cablevision subscribers being bilked by the new
YES Network and their cable provider, resulting in fans all over Westchester,
New Jersey and New York City area being shut out of the New York Yankees
television broadcasts, has brought to light many disturbing things about
the rapacious participants in this passion play. Not the least of which
is Cablevision CEO, Charles Dolan and Yankees principle owner, George
What you are about to read may shock, even dismay you, but I must first
preface its stirring truths by revealing that I no longer live in the
Empire State and happily receive the YES Network quite clearly at my current
post in Fort Vernon.
I am also a Yankees booster, born and bread in the Bronx and good friends
with the general manager of the team. I have been nothing if not a Steinbrenner
apologist, even back in the dark days when he turned the most revered
franchise in American sports history into a poor mans Nixon administration
and the laughing stock of baseball.
You see, for eight years before George, the Yankees sucked. After George,
they began to win and spend money and win and spend money and then lose
in record fashion; and it got ugly, believe me.
But, for me, George Steinbrenner will always be the man who brought Reggie
Jackson to New York, and aside from murdering my family in cold blood
or siphoning money from my check account to bankroll third world oppression,
the man could do no wrong.
On the other hand, Charles Dolan, for whom I have peripherally worked
in a freelance broadcast capacity, is the scum of the earth. And this
is not simply a derogatory observation; he is literally borne from the
slime that coagulates below the planets surface, a sort of mutated
quagmire that takes shape in human form. This is not uncommon among corporate
moguls and/or politicians, child molesters or theologians. Its scientific
fact. Casey Stengel, a good baseball man and a world-class loon, always
said, "You can look it up." And I suggest you do.
With that, I present evidence that the gorging of your entertainment dollar
is alive and well in the distended bellies of these gluttonous power mongers.
For the past five years, prior to the launching of the Yankees Entertainment
& Sports Network, Steinbrenner sank $300 million of his billion-dollar
enterprise into the Madison Square Garden Network, owned and operated
by Dolan. For Dolan, this included principle ownership of both the Knicks
and Rangers and anything swinging through the Garden, like the Circus
or Billy Joel or whatever political rallies reared its miserable head.
To say the two of these guys made tons of dough for their prospective
stockholders is an understatement. And to say there is any love loss between
them is an outward misunderstanding of how these men function below the
There are more scientific findings which back the theory of chemical endorphins
routinely released in the rich mans muscle tissue. This affects
the glands and motor functions, and finally, the brain. Rich men trolling
in the same business or geographic proximity is a dangerous paradox. It
is natures way of presenting extinction as a survival impetus. Thus
two men of equal pomp cannot flourish in close quarters, if so, the results
are often severe.
Steinbrenner has the most envied of all financial sports franchise cash
cows. The old adage about the Yankees being like U.S. Steel is laughable
now. The Yankees are sports merchandising and marketing. Most teams have
regional value, unless they are lucky enough to have a few years of a
Michael Jordan or a Wayne Gretsky, but the New York Yankees are national,
and even global in reach. The team could win a total of six games this
year and still earn Steinbrenner more than half of Major League Baseballs
gross income. But this is a team coming off its best six-year period in
the last half-century, and the owner knows it all too well.
Meanwhile, for over two decades Cablevision has monopolized the cable
viewing area of three million subscribers throughout the tri-state area.
Charging for set-up and dismantling fees, upgrades, pay channels, including
at one-time Sports Channel, which is now FOX Sports for people interested
in the rest of the areas pro teams, movie channels, HBO, etc. This subscriber
monthly fee is also subsidized by advertising fees, both local and national,
and fees paid by stations on the basic package, which includes MTV, ESPN,
CNN, The Food Channel, etc. Despite living in such close proximity and
having the combined wealth of two Roman Empires and a Microsoft beach
party, Dolan and Steinbrenner, the Yankees Empire and the Cablevision
Reich had coincided, even prospered in their dysfunctional wake.
*The irony is that if the natural order of things were not involved these
two men could have owned half of the free world in one long power lunch,
but instead they have decided to use your hard-earned money and rabid
love for sports and "The Sopranos" to treat you like their jail-call
Woe is man, MSG no longer has the mighty Yanks, or their revenue or their
powerful moniker, and Steinbrenner no longer has to feed in the same feces-addled
cage as his sworn enemy because he has his lovely YES Network.
And Dolan doesnt have to allow Steinbrenners little experiment
to rake in the dough without the proper groveling reparations. So people
living across the street from Yankees Stadium cannot watch the team on
television, because there will only be twenty of 162 games broadcast over
free TV this season.
The YES Network people tell you to bag Cablevision and buy a satellite
dish and sign contracts and chop down trees and get apartment ordinances
so you can watch baseball.
And the Cablevision people tell you that you have to pay even more money
to view baseball games.
And somewhere in a smoldering cauldron of sulfur and brimstone, MLB commissioner
Bud Selig tells you the sport is doomed to poverty.
© James Campion 2002 'Mr Reality Check'
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HELL FOR HOLY WEEK
James Campion - a recovering Catholic.
...anytime more than two people are gathered
in the name of God there had better not be any sharp objects available.