The International Writers Magazine: Lifestyles
Love Ain't Enough
Achy Breaky Heart
asked me to define love the other day. Of course my perspective
changes from minute to minute according to mood. For the first
time however, I found the words confusing, difficult
and heart breaking stumble from my mouth. Its
not that I am a cynic. However, I have had the worst six months
of my life in this department recently.
As a student, I
wish I could say that I have not tumbled from man to man, in search
of my dreamboat. After all, which girl hasnt? However, I found
myself realising that perhaps my ex wasnt as bad as I had made
him out to be. Perhaps he was somebody who could make me happy for the
rest of my life?
So of course, forgetting the pain that I had caused him in the past,
I took it upon myself to ask the poor soul for another chance. Now,
for me this is a big deal. I have never asked for anybody back, I have
not even asked anybody out. Rejection is just too overpowering.
Yes, I confess, in my moment of half drunken madness, (everybody needs
Dutch courage from time to time), I asked if he would consider giving
our relationship another go. His words were that he couldnt as
he didnt know how he felt anymore.
What? He didn't know how he felt?
What surprised me is, at that very moment, I wish that he had just turned
around and told me to 'fuck off'. Not knowing where you stand with someone
is a lot worse than this and it makes you question not only what you
thought there was within a relationship, but also yourself. I knew that
I was the one that was in the wrong, after all, I had told him to get
lost many a time before. And so I chased. Can you believe it? I chased
until I was blue in the face. Only to get knocked back again and again
and told that he wasnt sure.
This was when the old Michelle kicked in. I gave the ultimatum. Or what
I like to call, the opportunity. I told him that after three months
of trying that I would give him until Christmas to make up his mind.
Did he hell? Instead I got told that he would like to give it another
go a week after this allotted time slot. To this, I responded no. Emotions
running through my mind told me that I had done enough chasing only
to get let down and then for somebody to mix up all of those emotions
again was too much to handle. Being stupid old me though, a week after
this, I actually said yes. This time though, his answer was to tell
me everything that he didnt like about me and hinted that I should
change it before we got back together. Are you getting the pattern here
The result of all of this back and forth childishness is this. Sometimes
it is ok to chase. However, always remember who you are and why you
are doing it. If there is ever a time when you begin to question yourself
then dont do it. After all, its true when they say that
sometimes love just aint enough.
© Michelle Cochrane Feb 2005
Michelle is a 2nd year Creative Arts student at Portsmouth University
all rights reserved