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TWO-DIMENSIONAL KOBE Kobe Bryant is not going to jail. • James Campion

Innocent or guilty, matters not. The rich and famous don’t go to jail. Let that read the rich and famous who are worth a great deal of scratch to the not-so famous rich and their public concerns. Kobe Bryant falls into that category big time, thus he is not going to jail.

The merely rich, but not famous, who lord over doomed corporate malfeasance like Enron go to jail. Some of the rich and famous go to jail for short periods of time like Robert Downey Jr. and Mike Tyson, but that is usually when there isn’t too much more money that can be made to warrant keeping them free. Politicians don’t go to jail either. And even if they happen to stumble in there by mistake, they go to a country club with bars on the windows.

Then there is O.J. Simpson.
No use getting angry with Bryant over this. He is a two-dimensional test tube human. He does not deal with life as we do. He is a walking billboard, a public relations machine. He plays basketball and sells fast food and sneakers. He wears expensive suits and hangs with big celebrities. Everything that exists around Bryant is barely real, like a parallel universe, only with more fun.
Evidence of Bryant’s inability to understand our reality versus his own became apparent when he was first accused of raping a woman weeks ago. That is when he laughed at the ridiculous nature of doing such a thing. Not him. He was adamant about that. The whole thing didn’t compute for him.
Then emerged the famous three letters that once had a president going from vehement denials to mia culpas in a Washington minute; DNA.

With DNA involved, Bryant went from guffawing at the Espy Awards in an Italian suit to a conciliatory press conference in a Gap sweater and loafers in 24 hours. This kind of backtrack would give most humans whiplash. But not the two-dimensional test tube types. They’re pliable.
Alas, physical evidence is tough on the rich and famous, but it doesn’t mean jail.
However, it is always nice hearing the two-dimensional test tube person offering pangs of love in public displays of humility. This is their substitute for excusing all possibility of higher crimes by referring to reality fuck-ups as "mistakes". This is what these people do.
They talk about mistakes as if victims of circumstance, that by merely existing outside their two-dimensional pods they are vulnerable. Take Michael Jackson for example. His is the mother of all two-dimensional test tube lives. Kobe Bryant has only been two-dimensional since the age of 18. Jackson has been at it since 7. He is so far gone on the parallel universe that a mountain of physical evidence and heinous crimes, financial misappropriations or irrational maneuvers with infants could not get him near a jail cell. We don’t even see Michael as human anymore.
But back to Bryant.
It’s important to point out that there is a good chance that the man, while guilty of the two-dimensional test tube "mistake", is innocent of a crime. Impressionable youth around two-dimensional test tube lives can be heady. Things happen. Things us reality people wouldn’t understand. Mistakes.
But all that is window dressing, because Kobe Bryant is not going to jail. High-priced lawyers, media smear campaigns, well-orchestrated news events and quiet pay-offs, but jail? That’s three-dimensional thinking.
© James Campion July 27th 2003
realitycheck@jamescampion.com

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Previously on Hackwriters by James Campion

HOW THE APPLE WAS WON KEN KESEY RIP SWANSONG ISRAEL - Blinded by the light? GEORGETOWN UNCLE RUDY RESURRECTION CIA Elton Brand Feedback to James Campion articles Battleline America ABC News Dick Cheyney Cabelvision HolyHell Parenting in a predatory world Blamegame - The FB! knew More Feedback from Readers May02 God On my Left Reader's Feedback3 September 02 'Going back to the USSR' Standoff in Washington All Together Now - Recession 'You know what the Axis of Evil is? Money. Money. Money.'

James Campion The Toys of Summer The 2002 Baseball Season NYC - ONE YEAR AFTER Mid-Term Madness Senator Quitter - Ballad of a Gutless Swine The Legal Persecution of Lenny Bruce The Birthing of History In Praise of "Gangs of New York" The Bill for Rebuilding Iraq Dan Bern James Campion talks to the songwriter James Campion On 'The War in Truth' ABANDONING REASON AT THE FORT Bear Hunt Madness James Campion on killing bears Homeland Security Shuffle James Campion TitleTown USA James on Sports

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